Dancing with Myself

[AfterglowNoMore]

“I don’t care what you say, Dick, I’m not going.”

“You are going and that’s final.”

“I’m seventeen years old, you can’t control me!”

“Final.”

“I’m not your sidekick anymore. I haven’t been for over a year. You can’t order me around.”

“Dennis.”

“What?!”

“You’re going.”

“Why?!”

“Because you need to remember what it might mean to be normal.”

“I’m a living god! How normal is that Dick?”

“Dennis, my name is Gabriel, not Dick.”

“Who said it was your name?”

“You’re going.”

“Damn, I should’ve known that wouldn’t work on you.”

“And you’re not a god.”

“Am so.”

“If you actually believe what that raving lunatic told you, I’ve obviously not rubbed off on you as well as I’d hoped.”

“Ok, one, the item that you claim granted me my powers has been examined by numerous mystical experts, and they have told time and time again that there is not magic in the gloves. Two, there is no mention of Aphrodite ever crafting gloves that harnesses the pure energy of love, nor of her leaving them buried in the backyard of an orphanage in Nebraska. Three, well, honestly, the ‘love glove’ jokes are really getting old. Wouldn’t it make more sense if I was in fact a god from another planet reincarnated on Earth after the planet was destroyed? And that before I reincarnated myself, I buried them there and created the mystic message that surged through my system when I put them on allowing myself to tap into my, excuse the expression, god given talents?”

“And that doesn’t sound too far fetched to you?”

“Which part sounds far fetched?”

“You being a god. You having the forethought to plan all that out. Also, if you were that powerful, why wouldn’t you simply just rebirth your world?”

“Duh, if the planet was dead, there was no love to fuel my powers.”

“Well, if there was no love to fuel your powers, as you put it, how did you manage to work out that scenario that you’re going with? And from what that lunatic said, your powers supposedly draw on a universal love, then why would the lack of love from one planet make a difference?”

“Maybe I had just enough power left to pull it off, but not enough to resurrect an entire planet?”

“Well what about the last part?”

“I’m still working on that, but I’m sure that there’s a plausible reason for it. Either way, I’ve gotta get to work. Not like we’re in the comics and you’re a millionaire. Nooo, that’d be too good for us.”

“Hey, I make decent money!”

“Yeah, for a carnival worker.”

“That was a long time ago. I’m a businessman now.”

“You own three women’s shoe stores. Between that and the love glove jokes, it’s no wonder people thought we were gay.”

“Who thought that?”

“The rest of the Holidays. I mean, Valentine’s Day and Easter aren’t exactly the most heterosexual holidays to be associated with.”

“What’s wrong with Easter?”

“Besides the fact that you wear a giant bunny suit, and that have a penchant for pastel colors, nothing at all.”

“You are so paranoid. Besides, we had a guy in the group that wore a turkey outfit and talked to, surprise, surprise, turkeys. Somehow, I doubt that people were really wasting their efforts making fun of us.”

“How did that guy get in the team anyway? We had plenty of other willing applicants over the years. There was The Pilgrim.”

“Got sued by John Wayne’s descendants for dressing like, talking like, and pretending to be John Wayne.”

“What about The Brave?”

“ACLU protests. Apparently, his name was thought to be racist.”

“But he was a full blooded Native American! Ok, what about Plymouth Rock?”

“Crack habit.”

“Mayflower?”

“She posed for an adult magazine in college.”

“Yeesh, but still, why him? Why not some other only half holiday hero?”

“Apparently he was grand fathered in since the original Gobbler helped form the team. Stupid rule I know, but it’s a bylaw.”

“What’s a bylaw?”

“Never mind, aren’t you gonna be late for work?”

“Crap. Better get moving. No bus travel today.”

“Just remember to make sure to leave from the roof this time. It was hard to come up with a reason for a superhero to be leaving from our window.”

“Yeah, I still can’t believe that people actually bought the lie that he was returning your wallet. But with this many heroes in a city, I guess there’s only so much crime to go around.”

“Have fun at work… And you’re going.”

“For god’s sake, it’s just a high school dance.”

[AfterglowNoMore]

“I can’t believe that you’re putting up such a fight. It’s just a dance. You go. You dance, though knowing your demeanor probably alone in a corner. And then you go home, probably to cry under your covers. What’s not to like?”

“Why are we friends?”

“Lack of options and social graces?”

“Right."

"So what’s the deal, why don’t you want to go?”

“Honestly? Because Gabriel wants me too so badly.”

“What’s with that?”

“I don’t know, maybe he wants to live vicariously through me…”

“No, what’s with you still calling him by his first name? He adopted you almost a decade ago.”

“So, that doesn’t make him my father. Besides, he’d probably get all mushy if I finally called him Dad, and people already get the wrong idea as it is.”

“You are so homophobic, no wonder you don’t have a date.”

“I don’t have a date, because I haven’t asked anyone.”

“You aren’t planning on asking me are you? Because I have a girlfriend, and well, I’m an exit only kind of guy.”

“And you say I’m homophobic?”

“Sarcasm is wasted on you. So do you want a date or not?”

“Who do you have in mind?”

“Well, there’s Sasha’s friend Diane.”

“The fat one? Next.”

“She’s not that fat.”

“The girl could fill an oil tanker. Next.”

“Ok, what about my cousin Liz?”

“Ok, how many times do we have to go over this? She’s thirteen. They make prisons for that sort of thing.”

“Well at least she likes you.”

“I have a car and a bad attitude, to her, I’m like a straight Back Street Boy. Who else you got?”

“How about Veronica? I heard she hasn’t got a date yet.”

“She tried to stab me last year for looking at her ass.”

“So, she’s hot.”

“Fine, we’ll keep her as a back up. Who else?”

“Well, you could hire a hooker.”

“How is your mom by the way?”

“Fine, go stag, be the guy geek bopping on the wall all night long.”

“Take a joke, will ya? Ok now in all seriousness, who else you got?”

“You could try finding a date from another school.”

“That’s not a bad idea. God why is it so hard for me to find a date? I’m a freaking god, for my sake!”

“Beg Pardon?”

“Well, I guess it’s time that this all came out, Adam. I’m a god.”

“You’re God? Ok, does that make me the Easter Bunny?”

“Well, technically, Gabriel’s the Easter Bunny, but I’ll get to that soon.”

“Can’t wait.”

“I was a god on a distant planet, fueled by the power of love. When that planet died I used what little power that I had left to create myself on this planet and bury a source of power for me to find. I’ve been using that power to masquerade as a super hero in another city.”

“Wow, uh huh, so… do you get dental with that? Because I’m looking to join up. I’m really Captain Obvious.”

“It’s Major Obvious and you’re waaaaaaaay too small to be him.”

“Oye.”

“What? How hard is it to believe that I’m a super hero?”

“Well, you are wearing a giant hotdog. So how come I’ve never heard of the Magnificent Weiner Man?”

“I’m not the magnificent Weiner Man. You know what? I’m sorry I said anything.”

“You and me both. Well, look at the bright side.”

“What bright side?”

“If you decide to ask Veronica out, and she does stab you, you can always rebirth yourself again.”

“I hope you’re getting a kick out of this, because I will make you pay for it.”

“Sure thing Yahweh. You know what, if you really are a god, then prove it.”

“How?”

“Well, you’re the big powerful god, shouldn’t you be all knowing?”

“Funny.”

“How about you fly or something?”

“I can.”

“Then do it.”

“I can’t.”

“See, now was that so hard?”

“I’m not admitting that I can’t fly, I’m just not allowed to. If Gabriel finds out he’ll ground me.”

“Wow, I tremble in fear of your wrath.”