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AfterglowNoMore
05-31-2005, 06:44 PM
Night, in a studio apartment, on the tenth floor of a run down apartment building. An unwitting resident enters his apartment after a long day of work. The man is Jerry Garr. He works afternoons at a restaurant waiting tables to try to make ends meet. Other than work and sleep, he does little else. His girlfriend of four years had dumped him for his boss’s son earlier that day. His car was totaled by falling debris as a result of a mid air duel between the Fire Knight and Demon Diablo earlier that week. His best friend was getting married and he couldn’t get time off of work to attend. His life was going no where, but somehow, he was content. Not happy, not particularly sad, but comfortably numb to the world around him. Jerry had always been that way, even when his father would beat him, he would sit there and take it, as if it didn’t phase him. But tonight, for the first time in his life, Jerry has no idea what is going on. Because five seconds ago, Jerry Garr walked into his home to find one of his city’s more prominent members of the hero community lying on his floor bleeding profusely.

“What the hell is going on here!!!!!”

“Calm down Jerry.”

“How the **** do you know my name, and answer my first question!!!!”

“I take it you know who I am.”

“Yeah, you’re Captain Action, but that still doesn’t answer my ****ing questions!”

“Which one do you want answered first?”

“It doesn’t ****ing matter, just answer them!!!”

“Fine, I’ll start with your first one. What the hell is going on here, is that I’m bleeding to death while you stand there gawking at me.”

“Do you want me to call an ambulance?”

“No time for that, I won’t make it to the hospital. I’m here because when the wearer of the Destiny Ring is at his end, the ring selects a new champion of good to channel its power through.”

“Do you need me to deliver your ring or something to the next ****ing ‘champion of good’? And that still doesn’t answer how you know who I am.”

“I have never in my life, questioned the logic of the Destiny Ring, but for some reason, I’m starting to. How the **** it expects you to be worthy of its power is beyond me.”

“What!?!?!? You’re not making any ****ing sense. And what do you mean I’m not worthy? Who the **** are to question the logic of the Density Ring?”

“That’s Destiny Ring, jackass. As for not worthy, have you taken a look at yourself?”

“What? I’m in pretty good shape.”

“I mean your morals, your behavior, your hygiene.”

“Hygiene? The hair is moussed. It’s supposed to stick up that way. And my morals are not even in question. Just because I’m vulgar, doesn’t mean that I’m a bad person. I mean, I offered to help you out didn’t I?”

“Nevermind, there isn’t much time left. Here take the ring, do it proud.”

“Does this mean tht I have to call myself Captain Action now?”

“No, in fact, I’d greatly appreciate it if you didn’t.”

“Well, do I at least get your powers?”

“The Destiny Ring grants the bearer the powers that it sees fit.”


And that’s about the gist of the first issue. Does anyone have any questions?

Yes, Mr. Bourbon, I was just curious as to how you came up with the idea for "Thrill".

Well, it was 4 A.M. and I had just finished eating cold pizza and cream soda, when I doubled over in pain. It wasn't from thought, it was just the combination didn't set too well with my body. But as soon as I recovered, and finished writhing in pain, I had a vision. And the story just sseemed to unfold in my mind. Poe had his opium, I guess that my muse is cold pizza and cream soda. Next question.

Yeah, in the first issue, you never say what Captain Action's powers are. Do you intend on saying what they are at a later date? Or ever?

The truth is that, Captain Action's powers weren't part of my vision. But let's just equate him to your typical flying brick, maybe about like a flying Captain America. Anyone else?

Mr. Bourbon. Um, I've been wondering for some time, and haven't found a suitable answer to this question yet, but, how did you get your nickname of Cap?

It's short for Captain, which is my first name. You see, my dad was a hige comics fan, and at the time of my birth, my parents still hadn't thought up a name. As a joke, my dad suggested the name Captain Bourbon, and forgot that my mom was heavily medicated. And like that, I became Captain Bourbon.

Have you ever thought about changing it?

Why? How many people do you know named Captain? Cap shot the young man a smirk.

He continued answering the fans' questions for another forty-five minutes before he took his leave to go sign autographs out on the show floor. By some fluke of a chance, Thrill had been a hit. the first six issue arc was already out in trade paperback form, and there were a few companies talking movie deal. But Cap didn't let it go to his head. He grew up in Paragon City, Birthplace of Tomorrow. His bestfriend had been living the hero life for for a while now, as the costumed hero known as Humor. After another hour of autograph signing, Cap went to have lunch, as he did every afternoon, with Chester, A.K.A. Humor.

They always went to the same place, Fat Frankie's. They had been going there since they were 14 years old. Any time they had money when they were younger, Cap and Chester would go to Frankie's and grab a bite. It wasn't that the food was particularly great, or that the place was especially nice, but that at any given time, any number of Paragon's finest heroes could be found relaxing after a day of patrolling. Fat Frankie used to be Frank Pan, the silver age hero known as The Frier. Cap and Chester had taken a liking ot Frankie at an early age, often badgering him till he would tell them a story of his days as a hero. Nowadays, Frankie's son runs the diner, and the caliber of hero that ate there had dropped off due to Frankie's son Gerald's price gouging. But Cap and Chester remained true to habit.

Chester, how goes life with Codex Prime?

Not bad, sometimes I think that my boss is a few beers short of a six pack. How'd that convention go?

Not bad, mostly people wondering about the name though. A few more of those, and I can get out of that studio I'm living in.

There is one thing that I always found weird about your name. Your last name is Bourbon, but you don't drink. You gotta admit that is kinda strange. "

"Well, my first name's Captain, but I'm not a superhero or soldier either."

"As for the apartment, I told you that with the money I'm making from Primary Industries, I can afford to put you up in a nicer place for a while.

Nah, thanks anyway. You keep your money, I'll manage, I always do.

You have to let me pay you back some how for you putting me up while I was out of work. There has to be something.

There is something.

What is it? Anything.

Well, could you stop trying to get my publisher to push me to do a Humor comic book?

What?!?! C'mon, not that.

You said anything.

But, that? I mean, you have to admit, why should you write about a fictional hero in a city with this high of a hero density? Especially when your best friend is on the fast track to celebrity.

Chester, what d oyou expect me to do? Follow you around all day? I can't really use your take on it. I mean, we're like brothers, but you have a tendency to exagerrate.

What do you mean?

Ok, remember two years ago at Chrsitmas, you said that you had a date with a girl that looked like Janet Jackson, but she really ended up looking more like Tito. Remember that?

Ok, ok, just never bring that story up again and you have a deal. The waitress is here, so what do you want for lunch?

C'mon, you guys come in here everyday, you argue for fifteen minutes about what you are going to eat and always end up with the same thing. And I've been working here for 3 years now, for once could you call me by my name? How about making my job easy today?

Ok, Janice. I'm having a pretty good day. we'll take the usual then.

Wow, you're in a good mood, almost sounds like you finally got Chester off your back about that comic idea.

What, it's a good idea!

Chester and Cap finished their lunch, and went their seperate ways, Chester back to a meeting with Jacob Stround, head of Primary Industries, and Cap to his apartment to try t ofinish up a few issues of "Thrill".

Cap scaled the ten flights of stairs to his apartment, like he had done for hte past six months since the elevator cables snapped. He slid his key into the doorknob while going through his mail. He walked over to the fridge to grab a drink so that he could breathe comfortably after his ten flight jog.

Holly ****!!!!!!!!!

AfterglowNoMore
05-31-2005, 06:45 PM
Holy ****!!!!!!!!!

You already said that.

Yeah, but you're, you're...

I'm what?!

You're not real.

Well, if I'm not ****ing real, then one of us is on a seriously harsh trip.

I've gotta sit down. This is just too much. Cap walked over to his kitchen table and sat down in a chair with his hands still gripping his forehead.

Sure, don't mind me, just fading into obscurity here.

Shut up! I ****ing created you! What the **** is going on here?!

God, you are so typical sometimes. You have some sort of God complex there.

Look around! See the pictures on the walls? That's you! I created you, what other reasoning could you possible ****ing have?!

The stranger looked around the studio seeing pictures of himself strown everywhere. Ok, you do have a point there. I can't really explain it. But the Destiny Ring is never wrong. You must have some latent powers that allow you to see into other dimensions. Or maybe some sort of psionics? Maybe you're just a really good guesser, I don't know. All I know is that it is your time to shine.

Geez, were you that much of a jackass when I wrote your dialouge?

Enough with the comic banter!!!! We have those where I'm from too, but I'm sure they are better written than your rag.

Hey! Wait a minute! That 'rag' as you caled it has all but made you into a household name.

Really? Let me see a copy of that.

Cap walked over to his couch/bed and grabbed a couple of issue of the first arc.

C'mon, this looks nothing like me. I'm bigger than that.

Uh, weren't you here for something? Y'know, the whole fading away thing?

Huh? Oh ****, see, you just wasted valuable time when I could have been explaining things. Some hero you'll be.

Hey, haven't you learned about questioning the Destiny Ring? I mean, it's right there in print. It's just something that you just don't do.

There goes more time wasted. Listen, if you know so much, here's the ring, figure it out for yourself. Cap caught the ring as it was tossed to him.

Don't be like that... But the words would never be heard by the visitor. As Cap stood there holding the Destiny Ring, he watched as teh rest of the man's life essence faded away.

Cap sat on his couch for hours, just staring at the gift that had been bestowed upon him.

Ugh, Hello?

Chester, you aren't gonna belive what jsut happened.

Jesus Cap! It's past midnight! What could be so **** inportant.

Chester, if you just shut the hell up and get the hell over here, I'll reconsider the comic proposal.

****, Cap, are you ok? I'll be there in a sec.

AfterglowNoMore
05-31-2005, 06:45 PM
Alright, what is it that has your panties in a bunch?

YouknowthatcomicIwritewellitcametolifeandgavemeabu nchofcrapabouthowworthlessIamandthatIhaveadestinyt hatI'mnotfollowingthroughonbecauseI'mnotworthyandg avemearingcalledthedestinyringthatsupposedtogiveme powersthenhedied. wheeze... wheeze... wheeze...

Um, ok. Maybe a little slower this time.

Ok, one of the characters in my comic came to me and said that he was dieing, but before he died he had to give me a ring called the Destiny Ring. The ring's supposed to give the wearer powers. Not sure what type, it changes with each owner. Now I'm supposed to use it to fullfil some type of cosmic destiny.

Wait, one of your comic characters came to life?

Yeah it was...

Doesn't matter. Where's the ring?

It's right over here. It doesn't look like anything special. Just a gold band with a blank round surface, Here give it a look.

You're right, looks pretty plain to me. You put it on yet?

No, why?

How will you know if it's bull**** if you don't try it on.

Fine, but stand back and be amazed! God, I wonder if I sound like as big of an *** as I think I look in this pose.

Yup, you do.

Cap placed the ring on his finger. No shining lights, no smoke, no music, nothing.

Density Ring my...

That's Destiny Ring, Chester.

With that, the ring lurched forward, and began to reshape itself.

Holy ****!!!!

Y'know, you really need to get your language under control. I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

Shut up Chester, I just had a ring freak out like Michael Jackson finding out he just slept with a woman on accident.

I know I saw, but you obviously don't look hurt, and you obviously feel fine.

Yeah, well...

C'mon, I know someone that can help out.

Cap and Chester got into Chester's car and drove over to the Paragon Plaza apartment complex, home of the members of Codex Prime.

Captain Bourbon, meet Phoenix Stormhawk.

What kind of hero name is Captain Bourbon?

It's not a hero name, it's my real name.

Your parents named you Captain Bourbon?

Long Story.

His mom was on pain killers when his dad made a joke.

Ok, so it's not so long.

Anyway, what was so important that you had to get me out of bed at this time, Chester?

Listen to this...

A Short Time Later...

That's quite an interesting tale, but what does that have to do with me?

C'mon, Phoenix, you're the smartest guy I know, if anyone can figure this out you can.

Fine, I'll run some tests, but I make no promises.

AfterglowNoMore
05-31-2005, 06:45 PM
I'm sorry, kid, the test results came up as inconclusive.

What the **** does that mean?

Got quite a mouth on you don't you? You're gonna have to get that in check.

So I'm told.

What?

Back to the tests, what do you mean inconclusive?

It means that there is neither a scientific explanation for waht happened to you, nor is there a change in your genetic make-up. Now, I'm a man of science, but I've seen enough things in my day to know that there is something else at work here. Now, Chester, if you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll tell Stround that you were the one that posted the picture of his head on Britney Spear's body on the bulletin board.

You gotta admit that he made a better woman than Janet Reno.

The two remaining men simultaneously rolled their eyes and shook their heads.

Ok, so we're dealing with magic here?

For lack of a better definition, yes,

Well, that's just great. Now what am I supposed to do?

You could always try starting a cult.

THUD!!

Jesus Phoenix, that ****ing hurt! You didn't have to smack me. Use your next paycheck to buy a sense of humor.

I have an idea. Are there any objections to hearing me out? Chester?

Rassum Frassum...

Ok then. Now, the 'person' that gave you the ring said that the ring was what guided him to you, correct? Well, if the ring, the Destiny Ring was it?

Density Ring.

THUD!!

Ok, that's getting a little old, grow up would you?

Phoenix raised his eyebrow at the comment, he knew that trying to reason with Chester was as futile as trying to get OJ to admit he did it.

Well, if you'll allow me, I'd like ot place you under hypnosis. Maybe if we can do that, the ring will speak for you.

What've I got to lose?

After fifteen minutes of preparations, Phoenix began to place Cap into a trance.

Ok, Cap, I need you to stare into the disc as it spins, as you do so, you will notice that your eyelids are getting heavier, and that you are becoming increasingly tired. When I snap my fingers, you will be totaly relaxed and completely at ease.

SNAP!

Ok, Cap, how are you feeling?

A bit tired, and a bit ashamed.

Ashamed of what?

I actually agreed to consider Chester's Humor comic book.

Well, if anything will hurt your dignity that'll do it.

Hey.

Cap, I'm going to need you to take a back seat for a minute and allow me to speak to the ring.

But the ring is an inanimate object it can't speak.

Humor me Cap. Now, this next question is to the ring, with whom am I speaking?

You are speaking to the spirits of Fate and Destiny. Gaurdian of Order and Justice.

My name is Phoenix Stormhawk, I am a friend of your current host.

You use that term lightly Phoenix Stormhawk, for tonight is your first meeting with Captain Bourbon. And Captain Bourbon is not our host, he is our vessel.

How did you know that? And what is the difference between a host and a vessel?

We are privy to all memories and experiences of Captain Bourbon. As for your latter inquiry, if Captain Bourbon was our host, we would be feeding off of him in some way. As our vessel, we share a mutually beneficial relationship.

Wait, let me get this straight, you know everything about Cap?

That is correct Chester Jenkins.

Who is the ugliest woman that he ever slept with?

Phoenix Stormhawk, would you do us a favor, and commit the action that you did twice earlier?

You mean this?

THUD!!

Yes, that will suffice.

Anytime. But back to business, what is your interest with Cap?

Captain Bourbon is a necessary vessel for our power.

But why him?

Though his language is a bit lacking in decency, his spirit is true, and his soul is just.

Who would have guessed that someone like that would associate with Chester.

I heard that!

When your last vessel spoke to Cap, he mentioned that each new bearer of the ring was granted powers befitting of their person. What powers have you granted Cap?

That will reveal itself in time. You needn't worry about the issue.

Next time that Cap wants to get in touch with you, is there an easier way to do so?

He need only concentrate.

Ok, can I speak to Cap again?

I'm here Phoenix.

Ok, Cap, when I count to three, you will wake up from your trance. One. Two. Three.

Whoa.

You ok, buddy?

Yeah, I just can't believe tht you asked a supreme being who the ugliest woman I slept with was.

Had to give it a shot.

AfterglowNoMore
05-31-2005, 06:46 PM
Ding Dong

Door's unlocked Chester.

So you figure out what that freaky ring gave you yet?

THUD!!

Sorry, the ring made me do it. It doesn't like to be called freaky.

Sheesh, glad it didn't give you super strength. Have you tried to do anything?

Like what?

Well, most normal people would have tried to fly or lift a fridge of something like that.

The fact that you think you know anything about normal people utterly boggles the mind. And no, I haven't tried any of those things because they could result in injury if not prepared.

Sissy.

THUD!!

Jesus, I was talking about Cap not the ring.

Huh? Oh yeah, the ring. Well, what all do you have in mind?

Give me a hand and I'll show you.

Ten minutes, three door knocks, and five matresses later...

You sure this is a good idea?

Look who you're asking? Besides, that means that you won't get hurt. Now get on top of the ladder.

I couldda talked ot the smelly kid, or the kid that constantly cried and wet himself, of even the kid that glued his mouth shut, but no, I talked to you and I haven't gone a year without a serious injury since I met you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, "Living proof that the decisiona that you make when you're young come back to haunt you for the rest of your life." I've heard it before, but you always thank me for it later.

One time. Name one time.

Spring Break, freshman year of college, Cancun. You were going to hit on that one woman, but I stopped you because something about a woman that attractive sitting alone in a bar didn't seem logical. You give me that schpiel after another guy starts talking to her while I stopped you. Next thing we know, her 400 pound mountain of muscle that she called a husband came in and wail on the guy for twenty minutes.

Ok, that's one time, you win, I'll climb.

WOOSH!! THUD!!

Son of a *****!! Won't get hurt my ***.

I didn't say that you thanked me everytime.

Yes you did!

Heh, guess you're right. Oh well, on to the next feat of daring do.

Do you listen to yourself when you talk at all?

Have you ever read your comic?

Touché, so on to the next 'test' it is.

Three hours, twelve failed tests, one minor electric shock and two broken lamps later...

This is getting us nowhere. We've been through just about all the elements, no energy powers, no flight, no electrical powers.

Still sorry about that.

Nothing has come up yet.

I got a few more. Alright, then follow me to the kitchen.

Let me guess, the fridge?

Nope, we'll get lunch later.

But... nevermind.

You said that you didn't want to hurt yourself, plus, we already know that you aren't super strong, else I wouldn't still have a head.

What then?

This.

Chester put the lighter down. Last tiem you played with one of those, I had to regrow my eyebrows and you had to buy your neighbors a new cat.

Poor Butterball never saw that coming did he? Oh well, nevermoind that then. How about Invulnerability?

How 'bout not and get the hell away from the ****ing knives.

That's ok, there are other ways to try that one out.

BLOCK!!

Someone's been practicing.

No someone hasn't. I don't know where that came from. And didn't that shock tell you that I wasn't invulnerable.

I said I was sorry about that. Hmm, maybe super speed then. Try this, run down to the street and get me a pretzel from that vendor.

Ugh, you better be right about it this time. These tests are getting a bit old.

HUFF!! HUFF!! HUFF!! WHEEZE!! WHEEZE!! HUFF!! HUFF!! HUFF!! WHEEZE!!

Well?

Nope, no super speed. And don't forget the mustard!

Somehow, I think that he knew that all along.

Six flights of stairs and many, many, many curse words later...

Here's your freaking pretzel.

Thanks, how much do I owe you?

That's alright, I found a fifty outside in the trash.

Lucky you.

AfterglowNoMore
05-31-2005, 06:46 PM
Ok, where to today? More torture sessions? Maybe try to drown me to prove that I can't breathe under water? Or perhaps we'll throw me in a lion's cage at the zoo to prove that I can't control animals?

We're going to see Phoenix again.

Why? Is he going to ****ing electrocute me too?

I said that I was sorry about that.

A Short Time Later...

Back again I see.

Yeah, I tried every test I could think of and still nothing.

By test he means torture that would make Tim Burton cringe.

I said that I was sorry about electrocuting you!

Phoenix raised an eyebrow.

Anyway, what do you need from me?

Knowing Chester, books on medieval torture methods.

BLOCK!!

How come that works for everyone but me? And how do you keep doing that!?

I don't know!

Gentlemen!

Right, I need you to help me train Cap. Without any powers he's pretty much useless as a superhero without any training.

Hold on, who the **** said that I was going to be a hero?

Your ring, remember.

You're going to side with something that made Phoenix smack you senseless?

If it keeps it from happening again... yes.

Besides, it's not like the spirits are going to give you much of a choice in the matter.

Yeah, you can't really pull a fast one on the spirits of Hate and Density.

THUD!!

What was it this time?

Fate and Destiny, Chester. How would spirits of Hate and Density have any bearing on my decision?

You must have had a real good blackmail on Stround to get selected.

You know it.

There are other ways that I could use my powers to help out mankind without being a hero.

You don't even know what they are yet!

Oh, right.

Fifteen Minutes Later in the Codex Prime Training Room at the Primary Industries HQ...

Ok, let's get this beating over with so I can get to the hospital before Baywaych.

Cap, Baywatch has been canceled for a couple of years now.

But what's going to happen to all that silicon, and those poor plastic surgeons? They'll starve without that show to make women insecure about their looks.

I know, I weep for them too.

Can we get to this already?

Fine.

PUNCH!! BLOCK!! KICK!! DUCK!! PUNCH!! BLOCK!! KICK!! KICK!! KICK!! BLOCK!! DUCK!! COUNTER!! BLAST!! EVADE!!

Hey, no weapons! You ****ing psycho!!

THROW!! ROLL OUT!! PUNCH!!

HEY, i'M NOT EVEN IN THIS FIGHT!!!

CUP CHECK!! CURSE WORDS!! CURSE WORDS!! CURSE WORDS!! KNEE!! BLOCK!! GRAB!! HEADBUTT!!

I thought that you said that he needed training Chester?

Seriously, he used to get his butt kicked every week when we were younger.

And whose fault was that? Mister "I swear she broke up with her bouyfriend"?

Sheesh, let something go once in awhile.

CATCH!!

I can't believe that you just threw a knife at me! When I wasn't even looking no less!

Just testing out a theory.

DUCK!! THUD!!

Ouch!!

What gives Phoenix?

Tell me about what all happened yesterday after Chester stopped torturing you.

Testing, I was testing him. There is a difference.

Well, I ran down to get Chester a pretzel, and found fifty dollars. Then I went and picked up my dry cleaning, but since they lost my ticket, it was on the house. I got a free meal from Bright's Bistro because I tripped over a gopher.

Why was a gopher in the restuarant?

He was working there.

Sorry I asked.

Anything else?

I found out that my comic's first trade paperback printing sold out and that they were starting on the second one tomorrow.

Sounds like you've had a string of good luck, lately.

You could say that.

Almost magical even?

You gotta be kidding me!

What?

I couldn't control gravity, I couldn't've been able to fly, not even that lame underwater breathing thing...

We never tried that one out.

It could have been anything in the word, and all I get from cosmically powerful beings is a little bit of luck! Well go ahead and nominate me for hero of the year, with my luck I'll win it by a fluke.

Geez, ungrateful much?

You sound like a teenage girl. Ok, but how does that explain the fighting?

Well, my theory is that whenever you are attaked, your luck guides your movements to keep you from harm. That's why neither Chester nor myself could get the jump on you.

Ok, well what about the electrocution?

I said I was sorry already!!

Well, that's the second part of my theory. It seems to be like the ring having me smack Chester. Like it had me do him, it in turn is punishing you for your stupidity.

And to think, I thought that all these years, Chester was my punishment for that.

Rassum Frassum...

But that's the best guess I can manage.

So basically, my powers funstion on mere happenstance?

Basically.

Fine, what now?

Now, you need a costume, and maybe a little help.

Twenty Minutes Later...

What was that you gave him?

The first thing was an old prototype for jump boots for my costume.

And the second?

Ivan's number.

You really are a bad bad person.

Eh, with his luck, he'll get the one costume that Ivan creates that doesn't look like it belongs in a Mardi Gras reject box, waiting to be set on fire.

(And as we all know, he did just that. :D )

THE END?

Thanks for tuning in to this origin. I really enjoyed writing it, and only hope that you all enjoyed reading it. A special thanks to Kida for allowing me to use Phoenix Stormhawk as one of the characters in this comedy of herodom. And another special thanks to ElectroStatic for the wonderful design job on Cap's costume.