Help me create the lamest super hero team

[Noble]

Inspired by this thread here http://www.cohguru.com/forum/showthread.php?p=203855#post203855, I would like to see us gurus come up with the lamest hero ideas we can muster. And, if things get really inspiring, it might even be fun to do a little RP with our heroes for anyone interested.

I'll need some time to think of some myself, but if anyone else gets inspired please share :)!

[Krypto]

Depends on your definition of lame. Do you mean like overly cliché heroes, terrible hero concepts, or...?

[Masked Revenger]

Yeah, are we talking Avengers Great Lakes, or Legion of Substitute Heroes?

Chris

[Half Life]

I used to think about one based of the old D wrestler "The Brooklyn Brawler" Make him an invuln tanker with just Brawl and the first SS power, never take any other attacks. Just a major beat stick, designed to go in, take a beating and thats it. of course, would have to 6 slot brawl asap, since thats his name.

[Noble]

Guess more along the guidelines of the the Section 8 Heroes. The Heroes powers are lame, but the definition of the character and how they use those powers makes them interesting. Like Dog Welder; the man who welds the carcasses of dead dogs to villains faces. That kinda stuff. They might not even need a real super power, just some simple talent they have that they use to battle evil with. For reference of what I mean visit this website http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Section_8_(comics)

I suppose a hero like Repo-Man might even work. A hero who goes around repossessing ill gotten goods. That's it.

[coldcut]

Four Corners. He is the most powerful man on the planet, but only when he is situated at the exact junction of the borders of Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona.

[Masked Revenger]

So, then, someone like The Shoveler.

http://videodetective.com/photos/229/009644_43.jpg

I'll see what I can come up with.

Chris

[Meltman]

Captain IRS:

Power: Superhuman auditing skills.

Spider Guy:

Power: Carries around a bucket of spiders and throws them on bad guys.

Emo Boy:

Powers: Class 10 self-loathing, shittiest poetry in existance, unlimited hot topic spending account.
Weakness: Popular music.

Champion of Breakfast:

Powers: Can make a mean ham omlette. Brews an excellent pot of coffee. Knows how to poach eggs without an egg poacher. Full of Vitamin C!

[RedSwitchblade]

Captain Tomorrow: Always puts off fighting crime until tomorrow.

Armless: Can hurl fire from the stubs off his shoulders, was once a proud "armed and dangerous" hero. Of course, he can only hurl them to his sides, not in front of him.

I.T.: Tries to format every villain he can find with his super laptop. If not, he suggests you buy a new one.

Hungry Hungry Hippo: Neon green hippopotamus that devours everything in its way when properly motivated, villain or not. Must have his sidekick A.D.D. throw a white pellet at him to stop.

A.D.D.: Wants to become a great hero eventu-- hey let's ride bikes!

[Noble]

Four Corners. He is the most powerful man on the planet, but only when he is situated at the exact junction of the borders of Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona.

Hahaha, that is the stuff I'm talking about.

EDIT - and yeah MR made a good example of using the movie Mystery Men as another example.

[Noble]

The Balancer - is unstoppable and invulnerable as long he remains balanced on the ball beneath his feet. However, if anyone were to ever kick the ball out from under him, or if he ever lost his balance, he would die.

[Masked Revenger]

Noble, you totally need to read this comic strip. (http://www.amazingsuperzeroes.com/index.php)

Chris

[AfterglowNoMore]

I've so gotta get in on this. I had an old joke character called the Mighty Couch Potato!!! that wasn't really a super hero at all but a superhero fan instead. Not going to use him for this team, doesn't seem weird enough.

I'll see what I can come up with at work.

[Xielos]

Redeye - Fights crime using superhuman strength and skill, but only between the hours of 12am and 5am.

[RedSwitchblade]

Doctor Fire: A blind ice-blasting hero with no degrees in any doctoral science.

[Solario]

Eyes-in-the-Back-of-the-Head Lad: With the ability to peer through the backside of head when he rolls his eyes. Nothing comes as a surprise to Eyes-in-the-Back-of-the-Head Lad!

Exclaimator: Embued with the power of physically materializing an exclaimation mark and beating people to death with it. Always shouting, he is unable to whisper or speak at a normal tone.

EDIT: Sexyback: With the superpower hormone/pheromone equivalence of "Good from Far, Far from Good."

(What about all those great Doom Patrol villains? They were lame and terrifying at the same time; a hard balance. Like Agent !, who was a homeless man who dressed in a garish outfit decorated with excalmation marks, and his chest was a cage containing a miniature jet with birdlike feet. Despite his odd appearance, he "comes as no surprise". This allows him and anyone around him to be unnoticed or any attacks made by them to be seemingly out of nowhere. He mentions his desire to find the element of surprise, which may mean that his powers of "stealth" are not what he wants.)

[Noble]

Haha that was nice MR. Thanks.

Alright here is a new one.

Slugger McKracken - Uses a plastic baseball bat filled with rocks to beat himself in the face repeatedly while screaming at the top of his lungs. His main tactic is to run up to random people, villain, ally, or civilian, and if they don't run from him, in which he would give chase, he just stands in front of them and smacks himself in the face while screaming.

[AfterglowNoMore]

Mr. Saturday Night Special: One night a week MR. SNS has cosmic level powers but they can be negated by disco music and his endless need to boogie.

The Burrito King: Fight crime with his spicy burritos of justice. Though he speaks with a horrible spanish accent, he is actually painfully white.

[Noble]

Alright lets look at our lame super hero lineup so far.

Repo-Man - A hero who goes around repossessing ill gotten goods when the IRS or the Repo people fail to.

Four Corners - He is the most powerful man on the planet, but only when he is situated at the exact junction of the borders of Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona. (Is often lonely because none of his teammates ever stop by or bring him a snack of some fast food.)

Captain IRS - Superhuman auditing skills. (works well with Repo-Man)

Spider Guy - Carries around a bucket of spiders and throws them on bad guys.

Emo Boy - Powers: Class 10 self-loathing, shittiest poetry in existance, unlimited hot topic spending account.
- Weakness: Popular music. (Is deathly afraid of Slugger McKracken and often the target of Spider Guy's bucket of spiders during battle.)

Champion of Breakfast - Can make a mean ham omlette. Brews an excellent pot of coffee. Knows how to poach eggs without an egg poacher. Full of Vitamin C! (Is sick and tired of having to spoon-feed Armless during meals)

Captain Tomorrow - Always puts off fighting crime until tomorrow. (Is always being threatened by Repo-Man and Capt. IRS to take away all of his possessions)

Armless Can hurl fire from the stubs off his shoulders, was once a proud "armed and dangerous" hero. Of course, he can only hurl them to his sides, not in front of him. (Hits his allies more often than his foes)

I.T. - Tries to format every villain he can find with his super laptop. If not, he suggests you buy a new one. (Loved by Emo Boy, hated by everyone else, except Capt. IRS who considers his IT skills top notch)

Hungry Hungry Hippo - Neon green hippopotamus that devours everything in its way when properly motivated, villain or not. Must have his sidekick A.D.D. throw a white pellet at him to stop. (Has a love-hate relationship with Champion of Breakfast)

A.D.D. - Wants to become a great hero eventu-- hey let's ride bikes! (ends up inside of Hungry Hungry Hippo with Emo Boy more often not because he tends to lapse in remembering to feed it the white pellets)

The Balancer - is unstoppable and invulnerable as long he remains balanced on the ball beneath his feet. However, if anyone were to ever kick the ball out from under him, or if he ever lost his balance, he would die. (annoys everyone because he is always rolling around the damn base non-stop)

Redeye - Fights crime using superhuman strength and skill, but only between the hours of 12am and 5am. (Often disagrees with Champion of Breakfast about when the hours of breakfast are, and often goes hungry because of it. Is good friends with Captain Tomorrow)

Doctor Fire - A blind ice-blasting hero with no degrees in any doctoral science. (blasts ice at anyone and anything that his ears hear move or make a sound, leaves the base looking like a winter wonderland, which leaves Armless to clean up his messes using his fire hurling shoulders to reheat the base and thaw allies)

Eyes-in-the-Back-of-the-Head Lad[/U] With the ability to peer through the backside of head when he rolls his eyes. Nothing comes as a surprise to Eyes-in-the-Back-of-the-Head Lad! (which is often more of a curse than a blessing when sexyback is around)

Exclaimator - Embued with the power of physically materializing an exclaimation mark and beating people to death with it. Always shouting, he is unable to whisper or speak at a normal tone. (ends up in screaming matches with Slugger McKracken where both beat themselves in the face with their respective weapons as a test of each other's mettle)

Sexyback - With the superpower hormone/pheromone equivalence of "Good from Far, Far from Good." (often leaves the entire team in a state of raging horomones, and considering there are no women on this team things get pretty weird)

Slugger McKracken - Uses a plastic baseball bat filled with rocks to beat himself in the face repeatedly while screaming at the top of his lungs. His main tactic is to run up to random people, villain, ally, or civilian, and if they don't run from him, in which he would give chase, he just stands in front of them and smacks himself in the face while screaming.
(scares the hell out of everyone around him. nough said)

Mr. Saturday Night Special - One night a week MR. SNS has cosmic level powers but they can be negated by disco music and his endless need to boogie. (also a good friend of Captain Tomorrow and Red Eye.)

The Burrito King - Fight crime with his spicy burritos of justice. Though he speaks with a horrible spanish accent, he is actually painfully white. (Is rivals with fellow teammate Champion of Breakfast when making meals for the team)

[The Widowed]

Yeah, are we talking Avengers Great Lakes, or Legion of Substitute Heroes?
Too bad the superpowers for City of Heroes are so awesome. How could we possibly create another Mystery Men with this game? :think:

[Cloud Runner]

Memory- Forget where you left your keys? The name of that girl you met at the bar last night? Well Memory doesnt! He is a must for every superteam and was actually a member of the Justice League back in the day, but was kicked out due to his alcohol abuse and obsessive partying.

[Joe Schmoe]

The Balancer: All right my heroic friends! Lets catch these bank robbers!
He easily deflects the bullets fired at him, until one hits his balls, it pops, and he falls to his death.

Memory: I remember when the Balancer was alive!

Spider Guy throws some spiders at one of the robbers, but then gets shot in the face.

Memory: I don't remember a time that tactic worked!

Exclaimator is screaming, and beating the crap out of another robber with a giant !

Slugger McKracken chases another one away. "Get this psycho away from me!!" the burglar exclaims.

Armless: I'll help you Slugger! Prepare to get burned evil doer!

He forgets that he can only fire to the sides, and not in front, setting both I.T. and Repo-Man in flames.

Doctor Fire: I smell something burning! Where is it?! AHHH!

Doctor Fire blasts ice into the sky, freezing a helicopter, which lands on top of the bank.

Emo Boy: Does anyone care that I'm upset?

Memory: I don't remember anyone ever caring!

Emo Boy starts to cry.

Champion of Breakfast: I made pancakes with blueberries!

Memory: You made that exactly 17 days ago!

Four Corners: ... No one seriously cares. Can someone chase these guys 205 miles south so I can help out?

Captain Tomorrow: You got it buddy! I'll do that tomorrow!

Four Corners: You.. You're no help.

Captain Tomorrow: Nothing ever happens in your area either, pally.

[Gaia]

Gadget-Guy: Has gadgets for just about every situation. Only one problem. He's a robot and everytime he wants one item he explodes with every item in his arsenal! (he's lvl 5 on Guardian spines/inv scrapper :lol: "They're gadgets dammit not spines!")

Paladin of Thor: Super strong, can detect evil, lay on hands, carrys throwing war hammers, armoured, a good guy and is under the delusion he is riding around on a very hairy war horse. A warhorse with some strange headgear (horns) that has a penchant for eating flowers, thistles, grass, your shirt, and the seats of pants. "Baaaa"

The Burning Man: "Aaaaa! It burns!!!!" Previously an effaigy used in the Burning Man Festival he was lit on fire one night and has stayed lit ever since due to a magic curse. Only one problem he feels it all the time.

Drunken Scotsman: Master of the Drunken Monkey form of martial arts. He wears a kilt, tammaran, sporan, and a dirk strapped to one his knee socks. Speaks in a scottish accent and is usually hammered on whiskey. The more drunk he gets the better he fights till he keels over on his face.

[Vendel]

The Swallower.. she...well...



Sir. Duck n cover

The Con Plane Er!

Backscratch Fury!

[Noble]

The Balancer: All right my heroic friends! Lets catch these bank robbers!
He easily deflects the bullets fired at him, until one hits his balls, it pops, and he falls to his death.

Memory: I remember when the Balancer was alive!

Spider Guy throws some spiders at one of the robbers, but then gets shot in the face.

Memory: I don't remember a time that tactic worked!

Exclaimator is screaming, and beating the crap out of another robber with a giant !

Slugger McKracken chases another one away. "Get this psycho away from me!!" the burglar exclaims.

Armless: I'll help you Slugger! Prepare to get burned evil doer!

He forgets that he can only fire to the sides, and not in front, setting both I.T. and Repo-Man in flames.

Doctor Fire: I smell something burning! Where is it?! AHHH!

Doctor Fire blasts ice into the sky, freezing a helicopter, which lands on top of the bank.

Emo Boy: Does anyone care that I'm upset?

Memory: I don't remember anyone ever caring!

Emo Boy starts to cry.

Champion of Breakfast: I made pancakes with blueberries!

Memory: You made that exactly 17 days ago!

Four Corners: ... No one seriously cares. Can someone chase these guys 205 miles south so I can help out?

Captain Tomorrow: You got it buddy! I'll do that tomorrow!

Four Corners: You.. You're no help.

Captain Tomorrow: Nothing ever happens in your area either, pally.

That was hilarious!

[Sword]

Reminds me of a SG we were planning to start during beta. It never happened, but my applicant was based off my first impression of the "Spines" set.

Banana-Boy, who had his DNA crossed with a banana. He could make bananas grow out of his body, which he then used to pummel evildoers.

Getting hit in the face with a bunch of bananas can really hurt you know :D

[iggy880]

All you need is to add MC Xanatos and you easily have the lamest team :P

[Yin]

Calculus Girl - Amy Peters has the ability of super mathematic logic and problem solving. What would take a scientist of 10 years to figure out an equation in a month or less, she has the ability to calculate and find the solution in seconds, if it even takes her that long! (Great to have on time bomb missions, or if you need to find out the time it takes for the pizza parlor to make the pizza and deliver it to the house!)

Poodle Princess - Gabreille Lyions has the ability to shape-shift into a poodle. She has the ability to chose which gender, and which color she would want to be too.

iTunes - Michael Crawford has the power to teleport himself in and out of iPod, MP3 players, CD players, radios, boomboxes, and any other form of device that is capable of playing music. Not only can he do this, but he can channel soundwaves into his body and replay the music!

The Typist - World's best secretary! Can type 500 words per second! Great person to have in court when someone is trying to sue the team!

Kaboom - Tyler Chase was born with the power to make his entire body explode and repiece itself back together.

[WingedAvenger]

Kaboom - Tyler Chase was born with the power to make his entire body explode and repiece itself back together.I think Marvel beat ya to it (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nitro_%28comics%29) on this one. :P

How about: The Coalator! He fights crime by sorting and merging stacks of office documents with heroic speed and efficiency.

[Krypto]

Perpetual Pink Eye Girl - Fights crime using her incurable...and rather grotesque looking condition to her advantage. Sure, it won't actually bother the villains for a couple days, but they'll be sorry they messed with her when their eyes start itching! Her nemeses: anyone wearing goggles. :p

[Malibu Sally]

Perpetual Pink Eye Girl - Fights crime using her incurable...and rather grotesque looking condition to her advantage. Sure, it won't actually bother the villains for a couple days, but they'll be sorry they messed with her when their eyes start itching! Her nemeses: anyone wearing goggles. :p
And Krypto would *still* hit it. :P

[Krypto]

So long as her brown eye doesn't suffer from the same problem.

[coldcut]

So long as her brown eye doesn't suffer from the same problem.

Most folks have problems with the vice versas situation.

[Malibu Sally]

So long as her brown eye doesn't suffer from the same problem.
And you'd wear a condom if it did?:lol:

[Krypto]

...yeah. :p

[iggy880]

Probably on his eye though :D

[Krypto]

Nah, goggles would work just fine for that. :P

[Nerfed]

The Beaver - a hero with the uncanny ability to chew throw wood and damn up a stream... in case escaping villains were planning to canoe down the stream as part of their escape route.