Going crazy over here

[Dark AngelHawk]

I really don't wanna post about this, but seeing as I need a place to vent or for some advise I feel there is no other place to go.

I moved in with a good friend of mine and we get along just fine, but things are just getting kinda crazy. I have found no job in 3 months and I only know two people in this entire state. Both are good friends of mine and both have asked me out, one asked me to marry him when he got out of the army. After what I went through in my last relationship I am so scared of a relationship, not to mention a marriage! I feel like I have no place to go and rest cept for the woods,which I haven't been to in days because of the cold weather/snow.

It's not just that that bothers me either. I had talked with my mom about a week and a half ago and I got some disturbing news. It seems that there was an atempted shooting at my lil sister's school not once but twice. They caught the girl finally and thank god. She told the police it was all in fun and a joke which makes me wonder what her parents have taught her....Not only that but my sister has told me that there is a guy that watches the kids leave school. The police investigated this and found he was a sex offender but since he was 500yrds away form the school they could not charge him with anything. That is bullcrap. All I have to say is if my sister gets hurt cause of this guy don't expect to hear from me in a long long time. I'm very concerned for her not just because of this but mentally wise as well, her home life is not good at the moment either. That's a long and hard story to tell but it's truly sad and I can see her going down a very dark path if something is not changed. That is why I had moved in the first place was to help her and my mother, but so far it seems as though I have failed. I haven't spoken to my family since my mom's phone call.

That may seem strange to all of you but to me it helps me forget how much I miss them I suppose...and it's because of them that I had left. Now I'm debating weither or not to go back. If I do I can make sure my sister will be alright and see my brother in August when he comes home. And hopefully this year I might be able to get my X-mas wish, finally....

The bad side to going back is that everyone(but a select few) will be on my back about how I failed and wasted their time. I know I am way too much trouble for them at times and my grandmother at one point sent me an email asking me to disappear and never come back, she even said "I will help you get to wherever you want to go, I'll send you money, just don't ever come back." Facing her is gonna be my biggest challenge if I go back. The torment of her yelling at my face while I sit there and take it or break down and agree with her. I wish I could stand up for myself like I do for others but it's just so hard too.

I feel totally outcasted within every group I know, my family, friends, old co-workers. But then again maybe I was ment to be alone you know? That doesn't bother me too much cause I can't bare the thought of losing another good friend or someone I love so much. I've seen enough death and pain to last me the rest of my life. All I honestly want is just peace of mind, to know that everyone is ok and to finally be happy.

I'm just confused and lost right now, trying to find out what to do and how to tell my roommate that I might be leaving. He's going through enough right now that he needs support and I don't want to just up and leave him. I dunno what to do and so I ask for your help. I am sorry to have bothered anyone and I really don't want anyone worried or upset because of me. I just want you all to be happy. :)

~Peace

[Blue Bolt]

You know how I feel about all this :(

[Quakester]

Same here kiddo.

[Dark AngelHawk]

I know I shouldn't stay but what do I say to him? I don't feel right leaving him while he is under a lot of stress...

[Tarkenchi]

If he knows about your problem, then he would want you to go. If hes a true friend, he will understand and be glad your trying to resolve these conflicts. :)

[Alumette]

Um... not knowing anything about your situation, it's hard to tell what's going on, even from your post, and I don't want to pry.

All I can offer are the following bits of advice:

(1) Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission
(2) While caring for others and being there for them is admirable, you have to take care of yourself first. Otherwise you are in no position to help others.
(3) You don't have to do this alone. There are resources available for you to help with any problems you may have: emotional, financial, whatever. They may not be ideal, but they are something, and they are better than nothing. Reach out for them (as you have started by looking to your compatriots here for moral support).
(4) An addendum to #3, there are resources out there to help your sister too, ranging from resources and administration at her school, to local organizations, and what have you.
(5) As far as your romantic life goes, marriage is a BFD. No reason ever to hurry that along.

Peace and courage to you,

[Dark AngelHawk]

I just got off the phone with a friend in boot camp...

Well here goes. I told him some of the situation. In two weeks, yep two weeks I am flying home.

I am going to talk with my family and then head to kentucky to see his graduation.

He named his gun after me lol. Not my real name but my VTM name, Abyss.

I figure this gives me time to talk with my family about everything and see what they say and if I have a place to go back to. I hope it all goes well....

Two weeks just two weeks.

This is gonna be really scary....flying and talking to my parents.

To Al: Thank you for the advise. I guess I'd rather be there myself guarding her....it's a big sis complex I guess....

[Kinetix]

why dont you yell at your Grandma back. Say "stop getting in my face, let me live my life. I fyou don't want anythign to do with me stay away, yoru making me your problem yourself!"etc

[Poison]

Hm, so this is what was bothering you lately... We never got to talk about it.

First of all, don't rush into marriage.
Second, you cannot protect your sister forever. I'm not saying looking for her is bad, but you can't be around her 24/7 sadly... Help her get into a better situation and best of all talk with her about all the stuff that is going on at her school (and elsewhere). Hopefully she understands and listens.
Third, you tried to help your family your way, factors you couldn't control (getting a job) didn't go well, and in the end the plan didn't work out. That doesn't mean the game is lost. Stand to your decisions, be strong, even if it didn't go well so far. And tell your grandma to shut it. Family is family and blood is thick, but nobody has to take that crap from anyone, not even (or even less) from your own family.
And last, I wouldn't worry about your friend. As Tark said, if he is your friend, he will understand. Don't worry about him being stressed atm, what would you call the situation you are in?

I wish you the best of luck and that all goes well in 2 weeks.