Top 10 Worst Secret Identities

[iggy880]

I found this (http://www.bamkapow.com/top-ten-dumbest-secret-identities-633-p.html) on the AIM today thing and I thought it was pretty good. I think it fits most here in the comics section, so enjoy.

[Nerfed]

Yeah, I'm not really down with this list... I can shoot holes through most of the arguements because it seems like the author has a passing familiarity with some of the characters and nothing more... so makes presumptions based on what little he knows.


10. Edward E. Nigma (Riddler)
No one said that villains can’t be on this list, and there are certainly several on here, but the Riddler is acting as a representative of all those secret identities that are just too witty for their own good. The man’s name is ‘Enigma’ and is such a horrible pun that even as an eleven year old kid I hated it. A lot of the character’s problem’s now stem from his constantly shifting portrayal within the different Batman books.

Fail. Riddler has been busted by Batman time and again, and I'm fairly sure he's done his time in Arkham like most of Batman's other rogues... Batman knows Riddler is Edward E. Nigma, so Comissioner Gordon knows who he is; and if Gordon knows who he is, then so does the rest of the police force and likely the news media. Riddler's "secret identity" isn't really a secret, so it doesn't belong on this list.

9. Bruce Banner (Hulk)
I struggled with the idea of putting him on here, but I couldn’t resist. I hate on Hulk/Banner a lot, but it is criticism born of my love for the character. The idea that Bruce Banner wouldn’t be a readily recognizable persona in the Marvel Universe is beyond inane, yet he isn't. The Hulk has been ‘rampaging’ across the globe for a long time for people to not know who Bruce Banner is. Oh, most people certainly know who his name but wouldn’t they have his face posted EVERYWHERE: “If you see this man then back up slowly without any sudden movements or irritable noises.”
Everyone DOES know who Bruce Banner is, but the problem is, he has a tendency to try and change his look when he's not the Hulk (and sometimes when he is) so that people DON'T back away slowly when they see him. Its not much of a disguise, but he's kind of an average guy... medium color hair, average build (for normal people, not heroes), and most people probably expect to see him in glasses. People might be suspicious of him, maybe even recognize him... but not everyone is expecting that the Hulk's alter ego is gonna waltz into their diner or bus terminal. There's plenty of huge celebrities in the real world, but I don't stop anyone I see that looks like celebrities to say hi or try to get an autograph. Sometimes you accept that some people look like other people and make a casual comment or ignore it unless there's something more than just appearance that might give away the person's identity.

8. Tony Stark (Iron Man)
Can't argue that one! Once it was publicly known, there's ALWAYS gonna be the suspicion that Stark is in the armor... except for the times when you see the two standing side-by-side. Still, even if you saw the two interacting earlier in the day, when you see Iron Man alone later and Stark is no where to be found, no one is to say he didn't climb into the armor after the two disappeared. Also, why was it a big deal for Stark's "bodyguard" to have a secret identity? Didn't the government ever wonder that there may have been some tax evasion going on there?

7. Sunspot from the future (Reignfire)
Can't argue this one either... I hated this character from the beginning. Still, does this really register with the public awareness as a "secret identity"? That'd be like wondering who Brainiac secretly walks around as when he's not out menacing Superman.

6. Prince Adam (He-man)
In the beginning, there was He-Man, a master of the universe, and all was well. Then some twit thought it a good idea to give He-Man a secret identity, as if one was needed! What the hell did He-Man need to keep secret? He lived in a giant freaking castle and rode around on a green tiger! He was a master of the universe and didn’t need to hide from anyone.

Prince Adam was to become the secret identity of He-Man, and he would hold up his sword to become He-Man, later copied by Thundercats. This is an obvious case of someone burdening a perfectly fine character with attributes it doesn’t need. A secret identity for a roaming barbarian badass in the world of He-Man just doesn’t make sense. Like a Rolls Royce dealership in Lubbock, TX.
No. First off, He-Man may have dressed the part of a barbarian, but Eternia was not a world of barbarian culture. They had a blend of magic and super science... but held on to an old world style monarchy. Prince Adam was He-man, not really the other way around. As a prince of the realm, Adam had obligations to his family... to one day be ready to become King Adam. I think, in spite of how much of a badass He-man was, his parents would've started laying down the royal decree forbidding him from acting out certain heroic exploits that they deemed too dangerous for the heir to the throne to undertake. Its one thing when the palace is in jeopardy and everyone should be expected to take up arms, but its quite another when the giant monster is knocking on Greyskull's drawbridge... that's a job for He-man's allies or Man-At-Arms and his soldiers. Additionally, if it became public knowledge that Prince Adam was He-man, the king & queen would be the first and foremost target of every plot to gain entry into Castle Greyskull. Take them prisoner and their son would have to stand aside while Skeletor took his best shot at the castle's defenses.

5. Logan/James (Wolverine)
I’m so sick of all the continuity wrangling, flashback craze, and memory implant stupidity. Wolverine’s origin story was decent. Then we get a muddled and overly complex addition from Daniel Way, all for a book called Wolverine: Origins yet isn’t really about his origins so much as just his past.

Wolverine was a samurai, a black ops agent, an abused experiment, an X-Men, a lumberjack, and has had more wives than most Saudi princes, not to mention two kids. So much of the past has been retconed as fake that I’ve long ago lost track of what was real or not. I honestly stopped caring too. I don’t care about his past. I don’t care if he has one or not.
Okay, I know he wears a mask usually, but not all the time. I don't think there's any attempt at Logan trying to maintain a secret identity as Wolverine. The mask is for intimidation factor, nothing more. He's disqualified from the list.

4. Magneto/Xorn Fiasco
Another one I can't really argue against for the stupidity factor presented, however, I'm gonna have to call the author out again on whether or not the Xorn identity was ever part of the general public's collective awareness. "Tonight on Fox News: Who is Xorn?! He bears a striking resemblance to mutant Eric Magnus, aka Magneto. Story at 11." No... this shouldn't be part of this list.

3. Oliver Queen (Green Arrow)
This secret identity has only recently become a problem. Green Arrow is DC’s Robin Hood persona who’s always had a leftists/anti-authority spin, fine so far. Then Oliver Queen ran for and won the position of Mayor for Star City. As the picture shows, Oliver Queen is the only man in the entire world who has a beard like that. He’s been protecting the streets of Star City as the Green Arrow for a longtime now, doesn’t anyone see the resemblance! How does he get away with it! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!
Oh, hell yeah! As much as I like Green Arrow as a character, I've ALWAYS wanted to know how one would protect his secret identity with that tiny mask over his very identifiable face!! At least the difference with Superman is a general lack of outstandingly identifiable facial traits... but Ollie's got that one of a kind beard going on and doesn't do squat to hide it! His secret shouldn't really be all that secret.

2. Billy Batson (Captain Marvel)
Billy Batson has grown up to become 14 or so, but he was originally a little kid. I’m talking six or seven here who had been transformed by the wizard Shazam into Captain Marvel. Captain Marvel is a Superman-esque hero and really doesn’t have much going for him beyond his little transformation trick from small kid into large, hulking man and back again. I’m sure it’s a great party trick, oh, the kid is SEVEN and he won’t be going to any parties. When he’s Captain Marvel he tends to act like an innocent adult, hmm, sounds a lot like Superman?

Maybe it was a decent idea in the 30’s when kids were stupid and played stickball in the streets, but nowadays kids need a little more. And no adult is going to identify with a seven year old. A realistic use of his powers would be for Billy to sneak into titty bars or rated R movies, not fight crime.
This is really where I'm gonna cry foul. The Big Red Cheese "doesn't have much going for him beyond his little transformation trick from small kid into large, hulking man and back again"?? Poppycock!! He possesses the strength of Hercules, power of Zeus, speed of Hermes, and wisdom of Solomon amongst other attributes. And that last one is what will prevent him from acting on adolescent fantasies and abusing the power of transforming into an adult's body. In fact, this has been demonstrated before in JSA (as told by Billy to Stargirl)... Billy didn't get to study for a test because he was out battling the forces of evil. When he got to class (late), he was all alone to take the test. He figured that the knowledge he possessed in his adult form would let him ace the test, so he said the magic word... and then turned back again because the wisdom of Solomon wouldn't let him cheat on the test. Additionally, Billy is pure of heart... that's why the wizard chose him to be his champion. Sure, one could argue that child-like innocence begins to wane as they grow up into their teens as Billy has, but Billy hasn't grown up like every other kid his age. He's got an immense responsibility to bear and its given him a maturity well beyond his actual age.

1. Superman
Duh!! Ya know, if Clark maybe didn't spend so much time in the public eye, maybe there wouldn't be as much chance for people to notice the similarities between him and Superman. Still, as with my arguement above about the Hulk, people could note the physical similarities between Clark and Superman and still not believe they are the same person because of the difference in personalities. Personally, I like the way the portrayed that in this summer's Superman Returns film... the film as a whole left me feeling so-so about it, but I liked how they handled the disassociation of the two identities in the eyes of those around him.


Finally, here is the final complaint I have with people attacking the concept of secret identities:
WHY do people assume that maskless or monstrous heroes like Superman (or something that looks like the Hulk, for example) have a secret identity? There's no need to suspect Superman and Clark are the same person... he doesn't wear a mask, so its not like he's leaving people wondering who he really is like, say, Spider-man's full-face mask does. And, Superman appears all over the world because he can fly... fast, too!! Who's to say once a crisis is resolved that he doesn't head to the fortress of solitude and kick back until the next emergency? 'No, no, no... he looks human, so he must be hiding amongst humanity where we're not paying attention. Study his face and determine who else looks like him because they must be the same person!' Seems a bit of a stretch to me.


This list should have only included:
8. Iron Man - Tony Stark
3. Green Arrow - Oliver Queen
1. Superman - Clark Kent

[iggy880]

I mainly wanted to see opinions, and I'm with you Nerfed, much of this I thought was pertty BS but there were at least a few good points, even on the identitiies he was wrojng about

[Nerfed]

True... some very valid points he had, they just didn't really have any relevance to the list they were on. I mean, why bring up secret identities and then talk about characters who have a double life that doesn't really pertain to the concept of secret identities as a whole?

Like I said, only those 3 should have stayed on the list... the other 7 should be replaced with real secret identity problem characters. Daredevil should have been in there, for example.

[Charon]

Whoever said Daredevil should have been in the list was really, really right.

That guy can't keep a secret identity for shit.

[Steelo]

I would have added Green Lantern as well. And when I say Green Lantern, I mean most of them. C'mon, guy with similar physical build/hairstyle/facial features runs around wearing a green ring. No, he CAN'T be Green Lantern.

[Meltman]

He had a domino mask on though. It's been proven that a domino mask will hide your identity completely.