AfterglowNoMore
05-04-2005, 09:32 PM
“Dude! How can you say that? Mr. Amazing was the best live action hero show ever.”
“Sorry, it was a piece of Shatner. I mean, the dialogue was lame, the special effects were like a four year old crapped out a box of crayons, and the guy who played Mr. Amazing…”
“Bernie Manhiem.”
“Bernie Manhiem ended up on heroin and shot his agent. I mean, if my agent got me on that crap show, I’d’ve probably shot him too.”
“Well, what wonderful piece of small screen brilliance do you consider the best?”
“Everyman, with Stan Jackson.”
“And you said the special effects in Mr. Amazing were bad?”
“Dude, Everyman had new powers every couple of weeks. It was hard for them to keep coming up with new amazing effects.”
“Or one amazing effect.”
“Oh, and Mr. Amazing was better? Five years and every time Amazing would transform it was the same lame shimmer of blue light.”
“Excuse me.”
“Huh? What is it? We’re in the middle of an important conversation here.”
“Do you have any copies of Thrill #1?”
“What universe are you living in? We sold out of that in three hours when it first came out. It’s selling for $50 on Ebay, and the latest Wizard has it slated to only go up over time.”
“So do you have any?”
“Three copies, $100 a piece.”
“But you said they were selling for $50.”
“Dealer markup. You want one or not?”
“Don’t bother, I have six copies at my house, I’ll sell you one for cover price.”
“Right. Like you just happen to have six copies of the highest rated comic since The Bugbite & Ms. Liberty Holiday Special. And for some reason you haven’t cashed in on the market value of them?”
“That’s right.”
“And who the hell are you to interfere with my business?”
“Cap Bourbon, I write Thrill.”
“Sure, and I’m Yankee Daring.”
“Here’s my ID. Read it and weep butt pirate.”
“Um, would you mind autographing a few issues for me?”
“Prick. C’mon kid, wait outside and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Hey, You’re banned from The Lookout. You ever come in here again, I’ll call the cops!”
“Cliff, you do realize that he’ll probably slam this place in his opinion page?”
“Well, if he does, one of two things will happen. I’ll sue his arse for libel, or we’ll get more business. No such thing as bad press.”
“Dude, you are so sounding like J. Jonah…”
“Don’t start, Rob.”
Clifton Jacobs. Comic store owner, entrepreneur, and all good guy. Riiiight. As you can tell, our subject is not what you’d call “nice”. His philosophy is that if there’s money to be made, there’s never a sucker far behind. Not exactly the type of guy that you’d want to leave the safety of your city in the hands of. At least, not knowingly. Let’s resume our vigil.
“I don’t know how you expect to keep customers if you keep pissing people off all the time. I mean, that guy’s slated to be the next big thing in comics. And… It’s him again.”
“Who? That hack? Cause I wasn’t kidding about the cops.”
“No, think fatter, snoopy cape, sock for a mask, oven mitts, and bunny slippers.”
“Gragg? Box number 33?”
“No, by day he is mild mannered John Gragg, convenience store clerk, but by night, he prowls the couch, never ending his constant vigil of all that is heroic on network television. He is, bum bum bum, The Mighty Couch Potato!!!”
“Here to pick up your box?”
“No, I picked that up yesterday. I’m here just to pick up a few odds and ends.”
“Loser.”
Case in point. Two faced, self serving, opportunistic, and devoid of kindness. Not the kind of false sincerity that you receive when you enter or leave a restaurant, I mean real human kindness. The kind that leads ordinary people to go out of their way to lend a hand. Once again, back to our regularly scheduled program.
“John, I don’t know why you keep coming in here. All they ever do is rag on you, and make jokes behind your back.”
“Easy, Duncan, they have the best selection in town. Besides, you should see what I do to their bathroom every time I visit.”
“Huh?”
“Just wait twenty or so minutes till I’m done shopping.”
This is a man capable of making even the purest of people do less than desirable things.
“Oh my God, is that Cliff’s head on Jenna Jameson’s body? And Rob’s on Ron Jeremy’s? I always knew that Rob was the butch in the relationship. I guess that makes Cliff the…”
See what I mean?
“See you tomorrow Cliff.”
“Not now, I have to run home and check my auctions online. I’m working on getting the gauntlet from the Everyman TV show.”
“Still say that Mr. Amazing was better.”
“Well if your taste in women is anywhere near your taste in comics and cinema, then I see where you’re coming from.”
“F*** you very much too.”
At least he is willing to do what it takes to get things done. Even if it means ripping off old women and children. He’s passionate about all the wrong things. Not that I’m calling comic books the wrong thing.
“C’mon, you bucket of bolts, boot up, only four minutes till the auction closes. C’mon, c’mon.”
An online auction? Has the world really come to the point where people are really too lazy to bid in person?
“Woo Hoo!!!! Who’s the man? Behold the power of the Everyman.”
“Sorry, it was a piece of Shatner. I mean, the dialogue was lame, the special effects were like a four year old crapped out a box of crayons, and the guy who played Mr. Amazing…”
“Bernie Manhiem.”
“Bernie Manhiem ended up on heroin and shot his agent. I mean, if my agent got me on that crap show, I’d’ve probably shot him too.”
“Well, what wonderful piece of small screen brilliance do you consider the best?”
“Everyman, with Stan Jackson.”
“And you said the special effects in Mr. Amazing were bad?”
“Dude, Everyman had new powers every couple of weeks. It was hard for them to keep coming up with new amazing effects.”
“Or one amazing effect.”
“Oh, and Mr. Amazing was better? Five years and every time Amazing would transform it was the same lame shimmer of blue light.”
“Excuse me.”
“Huh? What is it? We’re in the middle of an important conversation here.”
“Do you have any copies of Thrill #1?”
“What universe are you living in? We sold out of that in three hours when it first came out. It’s selling for $50 on Ebay, and the latest Wizard has it slated to only go up over time.”
“So do you have any?”
“Three copies, $100 a piece.”
“But you said they were selling for $50.”
“Dealer markup. You want one or not?”
“Don’t bother, I have six copies at my house, I’ll sell you one for cover price.”
“Right. Like you just happen to have six copies of the highest rated comic since The Bugbite & Ms. Liberty Holiday Special. And for some reason you haven’t cashed in on the market value of them?”
“That’s right.”
“And who the hell are you to interfere with my business?”
“Cap Bourbon, I write Thrill.”
“Sure, and I’m Yankee Daring.”
“Here’s my ID. Read it and weep butt pirate.”
“Um, would you mind autographing a few issues for me?”
“Prick. C’mon kid, wait outside and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Hey, You’re banned from The Lookout. You ever come in here again, I’ll call the cops!”
“Cliff, you do realize that he’ll probably slam this place in his opinion page?”
“Well, if he does, one of two things will happen. I’ll sue his arse for libel, or we’ll get more business. No such thing as bad press.”
“Dude, you are so sounding like J. Jonah…”
“Don’t start, Rob.”
Clifton Jacobs. Comic store owner, entrepreneur, and all good guy. Riiiight. As you can tell, our subject is not what you’d call “nice”. His philosophy is that if there’s money to be made, there’s never a sucker far behind. Not exactly the type of guy that you’d want to leave the safety of your city in the hands of. At least, not knowingly. Let’s resume our vigil.
“I don’t know how you expect to keep customers if you keep pissing people off all the time. I mean, that guy’s slated to be the next big thing in comics. And… It’s him again.”
“Who? That hack? Cause I wasn’t kidding about the cops.”
“No, think fatter, snoopy cape, sock for a mask, oven mitts, and bunny slippers.”
“Gragg? Box number 33?”
“No, by day he is mild mannered John Gragg, convenience store clerk, but by night, he prowls the couch, never ending his constant vigil of all that is heroic on network television. He is, bum bum bum, The Mighty Couch Potato!!!”
“Here to pick up your box?”
“No, I picked that up yesterday. I’m here just to pick up a few odds and ends.”
“Loser.”
Case in point. Two faced, self serving, opportunistic, and devoid of kindness. Not the kind of false sincerity that you receive when you enter or leave a restaurant, I mean real human kindness. The kind that leads ordinary people to go out of their way to lend a hand. Once again, back to our regularly scheduled program.
“John, I don’t know why you keep coming in here. All they ever do is rag on you, and make jokes behind your back.”
“Easy, Duncan, they have the best selection in town. Besides, you should see what I do to their bathroom every time I visit.”
“Huh?”
“Just wait twenty or so minutes till I’m done shopping.”
This is a man capable of making even the purest of people do less than desirable things.
“Oh my God, is that Cliff’s head on Jenna Jameson’s body? And Rob’s on Ron Jeremy’s? I always knew that Rob was the butch in the relationship. I guess that makes Cliff the…”
See what I mean?
“See you tomorrow Cliff.”
“Not now, I have to run home and check my auctions online. I’m working on getting the gauntlet from the Everyman TV show.”
“Still say that Mr. Amazing was better.”
“Well if your taste in women is anywhere near your taste in comics and cinema, then I see where you’re coming from.”
“F*** you very much too.”
At least he is willing to do what it takes to get things done. Even if it means ripping off old women and children. He’s passionate about all the wrong things. Not that I’m calling comic books the wrong thing.
“C’mon, you bucket of bolts, boot up, only four minutes till the auction closes. C’mon, c’mon.”
An online auction? Has the world really come to the point where people are really too lazy to bid in person?
“Woo Hoo!!!! Who’s the man? Behold the power of the Everyman.”