Quote of the Day

[Kurai Inago]

The Title says it all, what's your quote of the day? Mine would have to be this

"I don't care if you had a hot dog with Ron Jelenik (Local State House of Representitives Member), I snorted Coke with Spider-Man Yesterday, you don't see me bragging about it."- Travis Dafoe, My Goverment Teacher, in response to someone interrupting class with a retarded story.

[IamLink]

"No matter how much you shake and dance, the last drop always ends up in your pants."

-Unknown

[Powerhelm]

FARNSWORTH
...We, by which I mean you, will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld
which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex.

FRY
Oh, baby, I'm there!

LEELA
Fry, do you even understand the word "invertebrate"?

FRY
Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. Uh, no need to pack pants, people. Let's roll!

[Solario]

"F*ck everyone, I won." - Warren Ellis

[Seraphim]

"If love is surrender, then who's war is it anyway?"

~Imogen Heap - Psychobabble

[Druid]

I have a great faith in fools, self-confidence my friends call it. -Edgar Allen Poe

[TOTAL ECLIPSE]

"just pretend to listen it helps my self esteem" my Drama teacher reacting to other students talking while he was

[Vendel]

"Don't ask why just do it."- Me at work. I'll explain why after its done!

[Larke]

"I like pepperonis now, I'm 4 now" - My daughter, because she's 4 now. :D

[suburbanhell]

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." -- Albert Einstein

[Grae Knight]

"I'm Rick James, b!tch!" - Dave Chappelle

[bpphantom]

"That which does not kill you, has made a tactical error."
- Rule #35 from Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates.

[Charon]

'History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.' - Winston Churchill.

[suburbanhell]

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." -- Winston Churchill

[Solario]

"I am Midas. I turn everything to my advantage." - Dr. Midas (in Marvel Boy by Grant Morrison.)

[Kurai Inago]

I've got two today, and both things I said actually.

"Sex, Violence, and Stolen Pie, Who doesn't love the Id?"

"I eat Apples for Revenge. I don't want to give that Jackass Doctor my money."

[Malibu Sally]

"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think."

-Ambrose Bierce

-----------------------------------

"I carry twenty-three great wounds all got in battle. Seventy-five men have I killed with my own hands in battle. I scatter, I burn my enemies' tents. I take away their flocks and herds. The Turks pay me a golden tresure, yet I am poor! Because *I* am a river to my people!"

-Anthony Quinn as Auda abu Tayi, in Lawrence of Arabia

[Elemento]

I had several that I had posted way back on the old CoH forums.
These three are some of my own quotes not copied.

'One Man's Madness is another Man's Sanity'
'Comedy is the Mask of Tragedy; Tragedy is a Fallen Mask'
'Life is a Flower in a Garden of Weeds'

'If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.' Histories, bk.II, ch. 173 Herodotus

'There is no animal more invincible than a woman, nor fire either, nor any wildcat so ruthless.' Lysistrata Aristophanes

'Under every stone lurks a politician.' Thesmophoriazusae Aristophanes

[Fed]

"You're not drunk enough unless you have to hold on to the ground in fear of falling off."

"Cheaters are only called cheaters, because the losers didn't think of it first."

[suburbanhell]

"You know you're like the A-bomb, everyone's laughing, having a good time, then you show up, BOOM! Everything's dead." -- Master Shake

[MaligneFamily]

"Do, do, do ya, do you want to..." -Alex Kapranos

[iggy880]

A good quote for me on a bad day (which this morning was) I will quote one of my brother's teachers' (don't know the name) attempts at being cool:

"Shut-it, up-it, dig-it"

[Jade Djinn]

"That's Entertainment!" -Vlad the Impaler

[Joe Schmoe]

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." -- Albert Einstein

I just got that on a shirt recently.

My cousin looks at it and says "Haha, Republicans."

Later my father looks at it and says "Haha, Democrats."

[Joe Schmoe]

Haha, okay, just now. I see clothes being soaked in the sink.

"What happened?" -Me
"Nature." -Mother
"You peed on them?"
"No."
"The cat peed on them?"
"A womanly thing."
"You had a baby on them?"

[The Widowed]

"1500 years ago, everybody 'knew' that the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody 'knew' that the earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago, you 'knew' that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow."
--Agent K, Men in Black. :D

[Akamaz]

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. "I'm looking for a loop-hole," he explained.
W. C. Fields

[Solario]

Dirk Anger (Parody of Nick Fury, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.): "I've been director of H.A.T.E. (Highest Anti-Terrorism Effort) for longer than you've been alive. Except maybe you. You look old."
H.A.T.E. trainee: "I'm thirty, sir."
Dirk Anger: "Thirty? You look like a dried bag of buttskin. I'm older'n you. You know how I look so pretty? I take drugs. Special H.A.T.E. drugs. Life-extending drugs. H.A.T.E. has the best drugs. Because H.A.T.E. loves me. And I love H.A.T.E. every day of my horrible drug-extended terrorist-fighting life. Everyday I smoke two hundred cigarettes and one hundred cigars and drink a bottle of whiskey and three bottles of wine for dinner. And dinner is meat. Raw meat. The cook serves me an entire animal and I fight it, bare-handed and tear off what I want and eat it and have the rest buried. In New Jersey. For H.A.T.E."

[iggy880]

"You are the messiah lord. I should know, I've followed a few." Monty Python's Life of Brian

[Quakester]

"1500 years ago, everybody 'knew' that the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody 'knew' that the earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago, you 'knew' that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow."
--Agent K, Men in Black. :D

Was gonna quote that myself! So instead, "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky animals and you know it."
--Agent K, Men in Black

[Kurai Inago]

"Dear Hillary: How Many Years has it been since you were going off to College and you wrote me a letter? The Hardest thing about opening up to someone, is putting so much power in their hands."
J. Robbins- Dear Hillary

[The Widowed]

Was gonna quote that myself! So instead, "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky animals and you know it."
--Agent K, Men in Black
A winner is me! :D


"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-"
The last words of Union General John Sedgwick, assuring his men that they were in no danger from the gathered Confederate soldiers not too far off. As you can guess, a Confederate sharpshooter chose that moment to shoot him in the face and prove him wrong. ;)


(Apparently, as Google shows, there's still some dispute over whether or not the sharpshooter gave him enough time to finish saying the word "distance". Maybe we'll never know.)

[sheld0n]

"No matter how strange or despicable you act, I can do one better, because I work for the government!"
--Detective Skinner, the Million Dollar Hotel

[Elemento]

I had this one more quote I was going to add back on pg 2 but forgot the author. Been a while since the old CoH forums and I should've copied it down somewhere but didn't.

Anyway I had to search for the author again.

'Call No Man Happy Unless He is Dead'
(Originally attributed to Solon but has been taken by both Herodotus and later Voltaire.)

[Fed]

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

[Solario]

We were actually just talking about that "Call No Man Happy Unless He Is Dead" quote in my ancient studies class, apparently if your life couldn't be measured until you were dead and if you had the nerve to exclaim you were the happy person on the earth, you'd most likely recieve Nemesis (as in the greek term of Vengeance of the Gods) for it. Being Happy and being human apparently wasn't a wise combination.

Anyway onwards with my quote:

"With Great Power... Comes Great Opportunity!" - Parker Robbins (From Brian K Vaughan's "The Hood".)

[bpphantom]

Rule #37 from Seven Habits of HIghly Effective Pirates:

There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.

[Akamaz]

"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." Mark Twain. -

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright.

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown.

[Druid]

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.
Bill Watterson (Hero! Hero!)

War isn't about dying for your country, it's about making the other poor bastard die for his.
General Patton (Other Hero! Other Hero!)

[Kurai Inago]

Me: Vegtables Are a Lie created by the Goverment to Starve Hippies.
My Sister: Oh, But I love Hippies, there all like "Rescue that Animal, Save the Trees, Lets have Sex! Drugs! *Spins around in a wierd Circle while yelling drugs*"

[Rottweiler]

Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver pie. Suddenly a bird of prey swooped down and snatched the piece of meat from his hand. As the bird flew off, Nasrudin called after it, "Foolish bird! You have the liver, but what can you do with it without the recipe?"

EDIT: Ooo! Even better..


What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing to compare it with.

[The Widowed]

Me: Vegtables Are a Lie created by the Goverment to Starve Hippies.
My Sister: Oh, But I love Hippies, there all like "Rescue that Animal, Save the Trees, Lets have Sex! Drugs! *Spins around in a wierd Circle while yelling drugs*"
I'd have your sister tested. :D


"Either that wallpaper goes, or I do!"
Oscar Wilde's last words. :lol:

[Rottweiler]

Gah! Found another. This is officially my favorite :shinner:

"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?"
- Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

[Heather]

For all you Heroes out there....

"Sometimes only the struggle makes it worth it, only pain makes it sweet, and only victory is the answer." -Unknown Author




And one of my own to a friend...
"Then with the future already being wrtten, I can write the present towards it!"

[Meltman]

From the main boards in the thread titled 'Is Jack Emmert a woman?':

Only on Tuesday nights.

[sheld0n]

"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."
--W. Somerset Maugham

[Meltman]

"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."
--W. Somerset Maugham

I am so going to pepper conversations with that quote... ;)

[Akamaz]

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience --- well, that comes from poor judgment.
— Cousin Woodman

We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavoring and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
— Alfred E. Neuman

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
— Albert Einstein

[The Widowed]

"That poor old fire station...fire station the Historical Society worked so hard to preserve. Fire station that stood there for 150 years, taking everything Mother Nature could throw at it...but that doesn't include a flaming log cabin coming at twice the speed limit, DOES IT UNCLE RED?"
--Harold Green, The Red Green Show

(Did you ever watch it? Canadians are funny! :D )

[Solario]

"There came a time when the old gods died…" - First line of Jack Kirby's New Gods #1 from his Cosmic Mythos, The Fourth World.

[Meltman]

"That poor old fire station...fire station the Historical Society worked so hard to preserve. Fire station that stood there for 150 years, taking everything Mother Nature could throw at it...but that doesn't include a flaming log cabin coming at twice the speed limit, DOES IT UNCLE RED?"
--Harold Green, The Red Green Show

(Did you ever watch it? Canadians are funny! :D )

I love that show.

[sheld0n]

"I'm a man... But I can change... If I have to... I guess..."
-- Red Green

:D

[Elemento]

Actually heck with Red Green quote. I love his advice.
Duct Tape is the answer to all of man's problems. :D

[iggy880]

Here are a few that I like that I know:

"Silence is golden, duct tape is silver"-some T-shirt

"Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration. Accordingly, a 'genius' is often merely a talented person who has done all of his or her homework."-Thomas Alva Edison

[Solario]

"All fled, all done, so lift me on the pyre;
The feast is over and the lamps expire." Robert E. Howard's (Creator of Conan among others) suicide note.

EDIT: Might want to add that he's paraphrasing from the poem, "House of Cæsar."

[bpphantom]

For all Dictators in training, looking for a way to get started:

Rule #21 from Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates

"Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow."

[iggy880]

Here's a pretty good one from at school today for me:

Student 1- "Whats with all of these numbers?"

Student 2-"It's called math"


might e a 'had to be there' thing though.

[iggy880]

To breathe some life back into this thread, here's a good one from a Tuesday when I called my Grandmother to say happy Valentines day. It's not exact since I don't remember every word, but here is the quotable part, also, the orange thing in parenthesis with note in it is not actually said, thats just my thoughts:

"So, was there any special girl you made you valentine?"-Grandma

"No, not yet at least."-Me

"Thats good (Note:here I'm expecting something like "16 is to young to be dating") you should play the field."-Grandma

*I laugh humored, and surprised*

"Thats what Grandma Lee always told your uncles, never get attatched to a girl, you've gotta play the field."-Grandma

And that is the funniest and weirdest conversation with my grandmother to date...I think.

[Sorah]

((while chit chatting with Gabe on AIM))

Gabe: "Veikira is god. I think. I'm not sure, but I think when I pray, he hears."

ROFL ROFL ROFL

[IamLink]

"Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining..."

[Esbat]

I wash my hands a thousand times a day... 'cause they smell like my mother! - The Mad Hatter, Steve Buscemi in a SNL skit

[Joe Schmoe]

Another me and my mother chat

Me: "Do you see the stain on this shirt?"
Her: "No, except your face! Oooo! I'm good today."

See where I get it from? :lol:

[MaligneFamily]

She got that from me... after the usual services.

[Joe Schmoe]

All right, so this weekend, I had my cousin visit me, and he met my two local female friends. He's honestly my only guy friend because I'm essentially a woman. We were all hanging around the living room, and arguing about what movie to put in. The women won, and we put in Pride and Prejudice. This is the conversation that ensued.

Girl 1: "Josh, just don't cry this time like you did with Moulin Rouge."
Me: *jaw drop, and a look of "FU**!"*
Karl: "You... CRIED?! AAHAHAHA!"
Me: "NO NO! NO! I did NOT!" *back to girl 1* "WHY?!"
Girl 1: "I'm sorry!! I tuned him out so much, I forgot he was here!"
Me: "Oh my god.. Oh why.. Why did you do that.."
Karl: "AAHAHAHA, I AM TELLING EVERYONE!"
Girl 2: "He didn't cry that much! It was.. just.. a little bit.." (Huge lie)
Me: "Oh my god, you asked me after the movie if I cried! I didn't think you heard me!"
Girl 1: "EVERYONE HEARD YOU! I was just trying to make it less akward for all of us!"
Me: "WELL GOOD *****ING JOB!"

[Meltman]

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

[Bitter Babe]

ROFL wow Joe

[RedSwitchblade]

"Dad always said laughter is the best medicine. I suppose that's why so many of us died of tuberculosis." -Jack Handey

[bpphantom]

I have a new respect for Joe's sneakiness. He acts all girly and of course gets to hang with all the girls.

/ponder

It is just an act right?

:D

[Valcarde]

"We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die."

-Captain Mal Reynolds, the Firefly pilot episode, "Serenity".