A Testament of My 'Strength'....

[Sebastian Kain]

:| Disclaimer: This is in no way directed at anyone here...I just need to get it off my chest once again. :|

Okay, for the most part you guys know more about me than many internet people tend to lead on. Some of you have been into my home and shared my world, some I have opened up to and poured my soul out. I wear my heart on my sleeve and that's no secret. I made a thread awhile ago on the Ogaming boards titled "The Life and Times of SK" blah blah you know the drill, some might remember that...basically talks about the deal with my adoption, my family and what I've been through...

And most of you know, my life hasn't gotten any easier, if someone thought I had it served to me on a silver platter, think again..

But what I'm ranting about is the last few weeks of my life, which suprisingly handle pretty well, considered the crap I've put up with. All things considered, these events aren't my fault, but I'm expected to make due with them.

Some events happened and I wasn't able to stay in my own home (large situation with my ex roomates that left me in the 'cold' and 'dark'). That reference should be easy enough for you to get, without me going into some drawn out detail.

Well case in point, I had been staying with my sister and some friends of mine. I was very grateful for the stay, but I was ready to go back to my own home last night. Well yesterday I had to take my brother in law's oldest son to work with me, because he didn't have the proper things he needed to do an interview about him getting his GED (high school dropout). They are trying to get his life back in order after taking him in their home (he had been staying in florida.)

So that was interesting in itself, as I guess I'm suppose to be some sort of a role model for him to get himself together. So that's cool and all, and prior to that I had been taking care of my sister's two younger kids anyway. That's cool cause I do what I have to do for my sister and my family.

For the most part....

But low and behold, my older brother shows up on my door step at about 5am this morning with a bag in his hand. (i remind you that this is the same older brother who's been in and out of drug rehab and generally is the bad spot in our group. Eventhough he has a college degree, something I have yet to obtain, he just lost his way..)

Now I have no idea how he got there, he claims a guy he knows works up here in Atlanta and dropped him off, my brother is from Columbus GA area, he stays in a house my mother owns. (not the one she lives in.)

So when it gets a little later in the morning, I call my sister and tell her. He doesn't know I called so...I tell her what's going on and she tells to tell him to leave, cause he can't stay in something she owns. Case in point he gets really angry at me and starts bringing up a BS argument about he didn't tell my parents that when they brought me home to adopt me. (Um one it wasn't my choice, two it wasn't your choice, and three I was a baby...Go figure)

Eventhough that holds no weight, It still hurts..I cause I still feel like I'll never really be accepted by them..and this holds true cause he tries to throw that in my face..

Heh..

So we talk and he tells me how he's sick of columbus and needs a job, so he plans to use today to get a job...now I have no idea where he thinks he'll stay, cause my sister is about ready to call the police on him. I'm suppose to take him to the bus station so he can go back home..(and pay for it too). But I think someone else should do it, I already have a mess on my plate as his...

From my nervous breakdown 04, to this one starting off rocking...I really want to know what's going on..Or what I did to get pissed on. :grr: ...

so yea I'm dealing...the best I can.

[ThunderMace]

Sorry, man, Sounds like a rough time. Call me if you need a little moral supprt.

[Sebastian Kain]

Sorry, man, Sounds like a rough time. Call me if you need a little moral supprt.

Thanks man, it's much appreciated. I took him to the airport, and my mother called me again just a few minutes ago to say he did the right thing and got on the bus to head home. Doesn't make my pockets feel better though..

[Gold Rush]

Okay, I know a little abut you. Didn't read the Ogame bio, because I think I was away from the boards at that time.

You seem to be doing fine from what I am hearing dealing with this situation. If you take the personal emotion out of it, things wound up well. The older brother went back home (although he seemed to have cost you money) and, for now, he is out of your life atm. Doesn't matter what the future holds, he is back in Columbus.

As I've gleaned from your posts and stuff, you are a bit needy of attention, which is alright, we have more than enough to give around here (although, sometimes fighting off an arch-villian online would give us some pause before folks can eventually type up a greeting on the Guru channel :) , so please forgive any silences that might happen to greet you. People are people :) ).

As for your own feelings and how to deal with them, each has to find their own way of dealing with things, although some work better than others. I think, at times, I am a bit needy for attention as well, but I tend to hide it because of past life-experiences of varied sorts. I either don't give myself time to think about it deeply (can be hard because I am very introspective), or just ignore it, either purposefully or by matter of course.

Again, I don't know the details of your life, but you seem to have a very nice support structure going. You got your sister that lets you stay with her and your mother (not sure about your other relatives). Heck, that in itself is a nice balance. And you even got in-laws that seem to rely on you and treat you like family; sure, they may "use" you to take their kid to GED classes, but all families do that to one extreme or another. It's just part of being a part of a family. That just tells me you are accepted. I am sure your sister would not mind if you had to stay in her house for a longer period of time, if you had to. You just don't want to burden her, which is fair. I'd probably wouldn't want to burden her either if she was my sister, but at least, you know that there is an offer like that in your world that can help you if you are in trouble. At least you seem to have a nice support structure. So, it ain't all bad.

So, over this point of adoption and lonliness, it may never truly leave you. There may be times, when you are staring out the front porch at a group of people or a family that's laughing and having a good time, that you may feel lonely. I think you are not the only one to go through that, but from what little I know, I think you have been accepted by your family fully. Sure, there are is a black sheep or three and the melodramas and crisises that come with a family, but you are part of a group. Solving their problems and hopefully, they try to solve yours, even though you may try to shoulder it all and show them that you "can take it all" so they aren't bothered by you. I think they don't care, because you do not bother them. You are a family member. In their heart, they appreciate you growing and taking care of yourself, but they also know it is worth while to take care of you.

At the least, it seems they appreciate you more than your older brother. :)

===========================================

Gold Rush

[Sebastian Kain]

I'm not needy. and I don't live in with my sister. I rent out a house she owns. She owns 4.

I was only staying with her cause I couldn't stay in the house I was renting at the time.

Wasn't looking for any responses really, just needed to vent. :)

[Dr Jack Wolfe]

Besides I'm the needy one. Ask around. :D Family can be a pain, can't they SK? I find shooting something helps.

[Sebastian Kain]

Besides, that thread was made at a heat of the moment type deal. I needed somewhere to vent cause I felt like I was being closed in once again. But today is a good day, and I'm feeling much better. :)

[Sebastian Kain]

Wait you posted and didn't want a response? Geez, I was all ready to put on my doctor hat and fix SK... :P Glad things are better today, man.

No I meant has one of those Cry for Attention things! :lol:

Pummels Bari Jon with Boston Cream Pies

[The Widowed]

Besides I'm the needy one. Ask around. :D Family can be a pain, can't they SK? I find shooting something helps.
But clubbing it with a baseball bat burns off calories and saves ammo. :cool:

[ThunderMace]

Remember Kids: Violence *is* the answer. :)