Your wish granted (with a twist)

[coldcut]

Here's how it works. You make a wish, the next person grants it, but with a horrible, ironic O Henry twist. That person then makes a wish themselves.

Example:

I wish I had a smart, attractive girlfriend.
Granted: Your smart, attractive alien girlfriend bites off your head and lays her eggs in your cranium.

I wish I had a better example.

[Alumette]

You have a better example. It was brought up by your arch-nemesis, who got all the credit, leaving you to slap your forehead and think, "Why didn't I think of that?!"

I wish I could have an extra day of the week that no one else gets except for me and the people I invite. :)

[Randomus]

You get your secret day of the week, but it's scheduled on Monday mornings. Work is at 7:00. Hup hup!

I wish I was as cool as Hank Azaria.

[Noble]

You are Hank Azaria, and you are just as cool, except instead of being able do the voice for the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons you have the obesse body of the cartoon character.

I wish I could find the love of my life and settle down with a normal, happy life.

[Randomus]

You find the love of your life and settle down to a nice, normal life.

I'm sorry, I can't think of anything worse than a normal life. God, the bills. And the compromises. Agh, the nagging!

I wish I was the cleverest person around!

[Stalking Shadow]

You are the cleverest person around...

As a matter of fact, so clever, that you found out a way to expand your brain power ten-fold. When applying the ray gun to your cranium, your head explodes.

[BvS]

You are the cleverest person around...

As a matter of fact, so clever, that you found out a way to expand your brain power ten-fold. When applying the ray gun to your cranium, your head explodes.

You forgot to include a wish.
::Makes a wry face and slinks back into his lamp::

[Jade_Dragon]

He remembers to include a wish, but the paradox generated by it being granted before it was requested causes the universe to unravel.

I wish I had ten more wishes.

[BvS]

He remembers to include a wish, but the paradox generated by it being granted before it was requested causes the universe to unravel.

I wish I had ten more wishes.

You have ten more wishes, but the forces required to grant this wish cause a temporal distortion that brings you back to the point in time where you made that wish.

I wish I could find Waldo.

[Stalking Shadow]

You find Waldo, but Waldo happens to be a big, hairy sweaty man who takes you on a long trip, you wake up in a bathtub full of ice the next day, smelling of wee.


I wish I had a hammer.

[Kinetix]

You wish you had a hammer

You say:

"If I had a hammer
I'd hammer in the morning
I'd hammer in the evening
All over this land
I'd hammer out danger
I'd hammer out a warning
I'd hammer out love between
My brothers and my sisters
All, all over this land"

You hammer too much and your arm falls off.

I wish I could control transparency (invisibility)

[Lorash]

Your wish is granted. When you activate your power though, everything in the universe also becomes invisible...permanently. Forcing you to live in a cold, dark void for the rest of your (now shortened) life.

I wish I had some pie.

[Randomus]

You have some pie, but it's all gross and covered with hair. Dang.

I wish the wish-granter would stop screwing with me.

[sheld0n]

An incredibly beautiful and young woman with the tag saying "wish-granter" leaves the bed, dresses up and exits the house without leaving her phone number. As she smacks the door, the house begins to crack and fall apart, and the celling starts to slowly fall on your head, eventually reducing you to a thin pancake placed between the ground and your upstairs neighbour's anvil collection.

I wish i had a pony.

[Kinetix]

You have a pony but it is still a fetus.


I wish I had some Taco Bell, 2 cheesy gordita crunches, a caramel apple empanada and a large Baja Blast Mountain dew. mmmmmmmmmmm

[sheld0n]

You get all of the above, but it was already digested by someone.

I wish CoV was already out.

[The Icy One]

Wish granted, but sadly it's really not.. thats the catch there.. >>;

I wish that you would not grant my wish.

[Dynamo-Man]

Your wish is not granted...to you. It is passed on to me, with the ironic conditions removed.

I wish I had a respec. I really hate having Jump Kick.

[Malibu Sally]

Your wish is granted... Except every power selection is now jump kick.

I wish I could really look as nice as my in-game character.

[sheld0n]

You get your respec. You lose all your current powers, and, uh... thats it. You dont get them back. Any of them.

edit: sally beat me to it!

ok, sally, your wish is granted. From now on you are composed of little triangles, with rough edges, your face is permanently stuck with the expression repertoire of one, and, oh! you cant blink.

I wish i didnt have to do my french homework in the middle of the night like this.

[Malibu Sally]

You no longer have to do your French homework. A sweaty, non bathing, 400 pound Frenchman name Pierre will come to your home and do it for you. You must feed him at least 5000 calories of food per day and he refuses to use the bathroom; he just goes where he pleases.


I wish people would quit posting as if I was not there at all. :mad:

[Dynamo-Man]

ok, sally, your wish is granted. From now on you are composed of little triangles, with rough edges, your face is permanently stuck with the expression repertoire of one, and, oh! you cant blink.

I wish i didnt have to do my french homework in the middle of the night like this.

You don't have to do your homework at all. But you fail the class, and have to repeat all of High School.

I wish I didn't have to work anymore.

[Malibu Sally]

DYNAMO!!!!! :mad:

[Dynamo-Man]

DYNAMO!!!!! :mad:

Did you guys hear something? :confused:

[Malibu Sally]

and your sig is too big too! :P

[WingedAvenger]

Wish granted. You don't have to work anymore. Unfortunately, you still need food and water to survive, which you can't afford because you don't work. You die.

I wish I was an astronaut. Or a fireman. Or a rock star. Or all three at once.

[Chain Lightning]

Wish granted, but being a fireman you won't use pyrotechnics in your rock shows so they get low attendance and as an astronaut you tick all the other astronauts off with the loud rock your always play in the shuttle so NASA grounds you to become a lead instructor for future astronauts.


I wish people would quit posting as if I was not there at all.


Wish granted, but now every post you make gets replied to by pre-pubescent boys and 30 something year olds that live in mom's basement and believe all your various avators and signatures are actual representations of the real you and keep wanting to buy you dinner.



I wish I was taller, buff, handsome and a chick magnet.

Edit: Fulfilled two wishes but forgot to put my own in.

[Malibu Sally]

Your wish is granted... You are now 400 feet tall and grotesquely overmuscled. All the female spawns of Godzilla find you irresistably handsome and flock to you whenever you go outside your home. You have to disconnect your phone service because they keep calling you all the time too.



I wish my various avatars and signatures are accurate representations of the real me.

[Poison]

Your wish is granted, you are now 2 dimensional and consist of pixels.

I wish I could draw hotter babes.

[Malibu Sally]

Your wish is fulfilled... You are now the undisputed master of drawing the female form consumed by fire. Hospitals and emergency clinics use your drawings as guides to the various degrees of burn damage to human flesh.




I wish I could cook as good as Alumette.

[BvS]

Your wish is granted, you are now 2 dimensional and consist of pixels.

I wish I could draw hotter babes.

Your wish is granted. You now have a line going around the block of really hot babes willing to pose nude for you; each accompanied by their really pissed off significant other waiting to pound the snot out of you.



I wish I could sleep.
_________________

(Beaten by Sally)

"I wish I could cook as good as Alumette."

Your wish is granted, until you run out of Alumette and have to go back to more mundane ingredients.

<----still can't sleep

[Vendel]

I wish I could sleep.
_________________



Granted! You now have narcolepsy, enjoy.


I wish I could Sing like Neil Fallon

[Akamaz]

congratulations, you can sing like neil fallon, but the real neil fallon sues you for stealing his trademark voice.


I wish for a private railroad

[Malibu Sally]

Your wish has come true. You now own a 40 year old Lionel train set which has been sitting outside exposed to the elements the entire time. You plug it in and electrocute yourself to death.



I wish I had an Italian sub from the Ballpark Subshop in Bradenton, Florida right now.

[Akamaz]

your wish is granted, a submarine filled with mafioso somehow was flung in the air during a freak wind storm, unfortuantely it lands on the Ballpark Subshop in Bradenton, Florida destryong it.

edit damn you burby..

your wish is granted too, unfortunately after all the other winners claim their prizes as well, you actually win $0.25

oh yeah, and i wish the spambot was real

[suburbanhell]

Your wish is granted, spambot is real, but now crushes everything else you've ever hoped and dreamed for.

I wish I wasn't at work.

[Akamaz]

your wish is granted, you're terminated for cause which means you can't get unemployment either

did the spambot crush itself? cause he;s my dreams..


I wish everyone was happy.

[coldcut]

your wish is granted, you're terminated for cause which means you can't get unemployment either

did the spambot crush itself? cause he;s my dreams..


I wish everyone was happy.

Your wish is granted. Everyone is happy, but without sadness, no one really knows how happy they are. It is a world without emotion, stripped of the luster that is everyday life.

I wish I had a monster truck.

[Lorash]

edit: damn you coldcut!

Your wish is granted, but the vehicle is so large people make desparaging remarks about your manhood, and the radio only plays "sorry about your penis" by Smash Mouth.

I wish there was more well-written and engaging programmes on tv.

[suburbanhell]

Your wish is granted, but with so many well written programs on TV, no one wants to go outside and do anything anymore, life as we know it begins to cease to exist.

I wish I had a better job.

[sheld0n]

Ack! Beaten by so many heh...

Everyone in the entire world is happy, all the time. All sadness and anger is forgotten and joy becomes a standard. People get used to it and stop appreciating it, while at the same time they lose all the highlights of their life, because they arent special anymore.
They dont really do anything, because theyre happy without it and they dont care.

Eventually everyone dies of hunger, since they didnt feel like eating.

suburban hell: you have a better job, but youre not allowed to have any other source of revenue, and your now job can only be done one day a year.

I wish i could write with my right hand.

[Tsarmina]

Wish Granted. *chops off sheld0n's left hand* Now you are forced to write with your right.


I wish I had a apple pie.

[suburbanhell]

suburban hell: you have a better job, but youre not allowed to have any other source of revenue, and your now job can only be done one day a year.

Sweet I'm fricken Santa Claus!

[Malibu Sally]

I wish I had a apple pie.

Your wish has come true. You give birth to a 8 lb. Apple pie. It's heat sears you beyond repair and everyone in the delivery room eats your newborn.

[8 Ball]

EDIT: oops wrong page :P.

[Tsarmina]

Your wish has come true. You give birth to a 8 lb. Apple pie. It's heat sears you beyond repair and everyone in the delivery room eats your newborn.
ROFL!
Sally. Did anyone ever tell you that you have a beautiful mind??

[coldcut]

I wish people would start making wishes again.

[Vendel]

I wish people would start making wishes again.


Granted but everyone wishes your painful death which you have to live out over and over again until the last person is left to make a wish and you hope beyond hope for final death but it never comes for the last person wishes for the process to repeat into infinity.....enjoy


I wish I made good jokes

[The Widowed]

The great Mephisto unlocks the portion of your brain which allows your appreciation of humor to grow a hundredfold! Your jokes become the greatest jokes ever told. Unfortunately, the spell is powered by ocean spirits, meaning that you have to live in a biodome at the bottom of the sea or become a vegetable. And fish make a poor audience.

I wish I had more wishes.

[Masked Revenger]

I wish I had more wishes.

You have all the wishes you could ever want, but there is a catch. Whatever you wish for, your Mother-in-law get's it twice.

umm... I wish I could think of something to wish for.

Chris

[Randomus]

You think of something to wish for. Unfortunately, it's getting sodomised by a giant, mutated, diamond-coated octopus.

I wish I had a giant, mutated, diamond-coated octopus that wouldn't sodomise me.

[TroubleWolf]

You think and think and think, and finalyl you come up with a way to beat the system. You wish for the ugliest, nastiest, most toothless and diseased prostitute in Mexico to arrive instantly in your lap and begin servicing you. By making this wish, you figure it will screw up, and instead you'll get a beautiful Maxim model or something of that sort. It's really a sound plan, you think.

Until Widowed appears in your lap and begins servicing you, spreading her awful diseases with her ugly, nasty, toothless mouth.

I wish for protection from Widowed...

[Jade_Dragon]

You have protection from Widowed.

Unfortunately, it's from Bloodywed...

I wish this thread would never end. (Okay, I'm just running out of ideas)

[The Widowed]

You're trapped in here. In an endless, infinite loop without end. With Troublewolf. Who is angry from having deep chunks torn out of his flesh by the Widowed's perfectly functional teeth and her noteworthy lack of diseases. No, she's not here.

Let's see here....
You have all the wishes you could ever want, but there is a catch. Whatever you wish for, your Mother-in-law get's it twice.
I wish to be beaten half to death (and only half to death)?

[TroubleWolf]

Wolf grants your wish, beating you half to death. As a twist, he also beats your entire family half to death!

I wish for a juicy steak, seasoned perfectly, which I can enjoy in peace before the bad things that come with these wishes happens to me.

[Masked Revenger]

I wish to be beaten half to death (and only half to death)?

Awww, you know that song... :shinner:

Chris

[Vendel]

I wish for a juicy steak, seasoned perfectly, which I can enjoy in peace before the bad things that come with these wishes happens to me.


Granted!...you enjoy your Perfectly seasoned TroubleWolf Steak. Enjoy


I wish my Truck would fix itself

[The Widowed]

And so it shall be.

Unfortunately, the truck continues upgrading its computer until it attains a malicious sentience. It then transforms into a giant robot and rampages through the city.

The police get the license plate number and bill the damages back to you.

I wish that all bad things cosmically scheduled to befall me would befall Troublewolf instead, including the fallout from these wishes. :P

[TroubleWolf]

Your wish comes true, and any wishes you make have consequences that befall me, instead of you.

Unfortunately, like Buffy and Spike, my sorrowful attitude brought on by my newfound misfortune overtakes your sensibilities, and you fall in love with me. Now you have to spend all your time saving me from catastrophes that you wished upon me! Damn, I should write for Joss Whedon.

I wish for world peace. Except in movies, because that would be boring.

[Jade_Dragon]

Wolf grants your wish, beating you half to death. As a twist, he also beats your entire family half to death!

<thinking about it...> So, the original wish was that whatever you wished for, your Mother in Law would get twice. So the wish was to be beaten half to death. So Wolf beats you and your family half to death. He then beats your Mother and Law, and HER whole family, thus including you, totally to death.

Dunno if that's what you were thinking, Wolf, but good work.

And there's no wish here because I didn't answer a wish. :P (But I will probably get an ironic twist anyway)

[TroubleWolf]

Well, who knew I was so devillishly clever?

If you answer negatively, there will be a cleansing.

[Randomus]

I wish for world peace. Except in movies, because that would be boring.

You get world peace, except in movies. Unfortunately you are blind, deaf, and paralysed from the waist down. Your taste buds do not work and you lack tactile sensation in your extremities. There is nothing left in life to enjoy.

I wish I were an oscar meyer weiner.

In a sorority house! Shazam.

[TroubleWolf]

You get world peace, except in movies. Unfortunately you are blind, deaf, and paralysed from the waist down. Your taste buds do not work and you lack tactile sensation in your extremities. There is nothing left in life to enjoy.

I'm a hero! I sacrificed myself for World Peace! Who wants to touch me?

I wish I were an oscar meyer weiner.

In a sorority house! Shazam.

A self-conscious 19-year-old cuts you up and mixes you with macaroni ad cheese. She chews you up and swallows you, but an hour later she gets guilty about it, because you're so fattening, so she throws you up. You are flushed down the toilet and end up in the sewer. A rat eats some of you, but most of you decays.

I wish Randomus was alive, back to normal, and an American. That way I could talk to him without feeling all dirty.

[Joe Schmoe]

Randomus is American! But still dead, and found in your bed by the police. You meet a loving man named Bubba, who doesn't take no for an answer!

I wish it was June, so I could be in California

[TroubleWolf]

Congratulations! It's June, and you're in sunny California!

The only downside is, you're still you.

BURN!

I wish to see you all tomorrow!

[BvS]

I wish to see you all tomorrow!

::calls the hitman and tells him to wait until midnight tomorrow night::

I wish I didn't know the meaning to Life, The Universe, and Everything.

[The Widowed]

<thinking about it...> So, the original wish was that whatever you wished for, your Mother in Law would get twice. So the wish was to be beaten half to death. So Wolf beats you and your family half to death. He then beats your Mother and Law, and HER whole family, thus including you, totally to death.
But you forget that the condition was that my Mother-in-Law would get twice of what I wished for and only what I wished for. I never wished for Troublewolf to beat my family half to death; That was merely a stipulation of the fallout he threw in. Therefore, the rest of the family would be exempt from the double beating, while my Mother-in-Law would catch it in full.

Final tally:
Me: Half dead.
Mother-in-Law: Wholly dead.
Everyone else in the family: Half dead.

Of course, if Troublewolf had wanted to, he could have used the loophole provided by the fallout to beat the rest of my family wholly dead, leaving only me half-alive. But he was content with a more fitting punishment.

I should've become a lawyer. :D

I wish I didn't know the meaning to Life, The Universe, and Everything.
You receive the contentment of perfect ignorance in all things. Unfortunately, that includes knowledge of how to feed yourself, and you're soon stuck in a hospital bed with a feeding tube running down your esophagus.

I wish I had a Pepsi.

[The Widowed]

Randomus is American! But still dead, and found in your bed by the police. You meet a loving man named Bubba, who doesn't take no for an answer!
More hot legal action!

Remember that Troublewolf's wish included three details and an overlying condition:

Detail #1: Randomus will be alive.
Detail #2: Randomus will be normal, which can be concluded as "what he was before he became a hot dog".
Detail #3: Randomus will be American.
Condition: Ability to talk to Randomus without feeling dirty.

By leaving Randomus dead, you violated Detail #1. As per the rules, wishes are to be conducted fully and true to their wording. The joy comes in picking at the loopholes and exploiting the things left out.

How would I grant Troublewolf's wish? I'd make Randomus alive and the way he was before the hot dog incident, aside from being newly American. Now, I want to pull a Tower of Babel to fulfill the "fallout" clause (aka. the "O Henry" clause), but I couldn't make Randomus speak gibberish; That would be a violation of Detail #2.

But Troublewolf states no provision that he himself should remain perfectly normal.

So as the price of Randomus' resurrection and new American citizenship, every word in Troublewolf's vocabulary is replaced by its equivalent in some obscure dialect spoken by some obscure African tribe. This way, I even preserve the overlying condition: Troublewolf is free to talk to Randomus all he wants, and he probably won't feel dirty about it. The only problem is that Randomus won't be able to understand him...at least, not unless Randomus wanted to do some heavy research, find his way to Africa, live with said obscure tribe and learn their language. That tribe might even consider toasted termites or lion eyeballs a delicacy. And if the chief offers a nice, fat, juicy termite to you, you'd very well better eat it gratefully or the whole tribe will be insulted, appalled and justified in killing you....

Ahhhh, torment. :D

And remember, campers: There's a difference between talking to someone and talking with someone. The latter is mutual, the former is one-way. ;)

I really, really should have been an attorney....

[Dynamo-Man]

Not to derail the thread, but, why do I suddenly hear Styx "Too Much Time On MY Hands" playing in my head?

Ok, back to your twisted wishing... :eyebrow:

[The Widowed]

Not to derail the thread, but, why do I suddenly hear Styx "Too Much Time On MY Hands" playing in my head?
Because you're at their concert, many years ago. And the bass player overtuned his equipment before the concert. And the sonic vibrations cause the supports to crumble. And you're watching the ceiling coming down, knowing well that you're trapped in the middle of a thick, teeming, panicking mob of Styx fans....

Ah, the power of wish magic. :D

I'm still waiting for my Pepsi, by the way....

[Joe Schmoe]

... Widowed gets her Pepsi, but it comes crashing into her head at 78 miles per hour. :D

I wish I was TroubleWolf

[Kinetix]

You become TroubleWolf. He becomes you and a modeling scout sees him and gives him loads of cash. Meanwhile the pound finds you.

I wish I had a crunch ice-cream bar.

[Noble]

You get your crunch ice-cream bar, however, the *crunch* is the sound your teeth make when you bite into the ice-cream. You end up deciding the swallow the ice-cream bar whole only to discover that after you digested it the ice-cream bar was full of nails. Your stomache is punctured by the nails, and some nails make some progress into your intestines only to become imbedded there as well. When you go to the doctor to have them removed the doctors discover that the nails were rusty. A doctor remove the nails, and cure you of any infection caused by the rust only to end up leaving his dentures in your body. The dentures become possessed by a strange demonic force and devour you from the inside-out.

Cheers :).

I wish I could create soap bubbles at will.

[BvS]

Your wish is granted when the Proctor and Gamble factory in your town explodes and a huge chunk of concentrated soap hurtles skyward. Being one of the openmouthed onlookers, your's is the severe misfortune of being the owner of the throat that the projectile embeds itself in upon its return to Earth.
The local tv interviewer that comes to cover your story, Will Anchor, is allergic to soap and breaks out in pustules after coming into contact with the barrage of bubbles you spew over him.
You take a job in a travelling circus to cover the cost of the legal fees and have a hole blown through you by the irate Human Cannonball who thinks you've been alienating the affections of his 600 pound, bearded wife.
The elephants get bathed.

I wish I had a better use for my time.

[The Widowed]

You receive a truck full of lumber, some carpentry tools and a book titled "How To Build Your Own Deck." The last Blue-Spotted Banana Slug dies and leads its kind into extinction as a result of the deforestation brought about by the cutting of your lumber. The Blue-Spotted Banana Slug Preservation Society blames you and loudly calls for the boycott of your small business.

I wish that the entire world would abandon petroleum-based gasoline and switch to ethanol, a corn-based and therefore renewable fuel which fuels vehicles just as efficiently as gasoline does but without the pollutants and at only a scant fraction of the cost imposed by the oil industry, and the wording of this wish shall leave no allowances for any alteration of the ethanol product, nor shall there be any alteration to the vehicles or other devices which consume it, nor shall the present size and state of any and all subterranean oil reservoirs be in any way altered, nor shall any living creature be negatively affected--directly or indirectly--by the imposition of an ethanol standard, including the workers and executives of the oil industry, who shall find new and more plentiful employment positions as a direct result of a prosperous economy unburdened by any and all costs imposed by the oil industry--including but not limited to extortionist increases in gasoline prices, licensing costs for distributing petroleum products and advertising costs passed on to the consumer--by traffic in petroleum products, or by tarriffs or trade agreements in the Middle East; Let it be known in this document that the management of the new ethanol industry shall be left in the hands of benevolent and responsible middle-class humanitarians whose take-home income shall not exceed an annual net sum of $45,000 per executive.

There. Just try to find a loophole in that wish. >:]

[Joe Schmoe]

The world switches to ethanol based fuel, but it took so long to do it that the sun exploded?

I wish Widowed would marry me. :chuckle: :)

[The Widowed]

The world switches to ethanol based fuel, but it took so long to do it that the sun exploded?
Blast. I should have included wording to declare the transition and its duration to be immediate, permanent and irreversible. Hmmm...

*writes a note on a Stick-It*

I wish Widowed would marry me. :chuckle: :)
Very well. Unfortunately, I'm already married...to two other men. The resulting bigamy trial costs a lot of your personal time as you and my other two husbands are repeatedly called to the witness stand over the course of three weeks. :D

*reads the topic*

No, I don't see any established rule which forbids the recycling of previous wishes. Ahem...

I wish that the entire world would abandon petroleum-based gasoline and immediately, permanently and irreversibly switch to ethanol--a corn-based and therefore renewable fuel which fuels vehicles just as efficiently as gasoline does but without the pollutants and at only a scant fraction of the cost imposed by the oil industry--and establish a global ethanol industry network to support the industry and its trades, and the wording of this wish shall leave no allowances for any alteration of the ethanol product, nor shall there be any alteration to the vehicles or other devices which consume it, nor shall the change to an ethanol standard negatively affect planet Earth, her biosphere or the surrounding galaxy and its contents, nor shall the present size and state of any and all subterranean oil reservoirs be in any way altered, nor shall any living creature be negatively affected--directly or indirectly--by the imposition of an ethanol standard, including the workers and executives of the oil industry, who shall find new and more plentiful employment positions as a direct result of a prosperous economy unburdened by any and all costs imposed by the oil industry--including but not limited to extortionist increases in gasoline prices, licensing costs for distributing petroleum products and advertising costs passed on to the consumer--by traffic in petroleum products, or by tarriffs or trade agreements in the Middle East; Let it be known in this document that the management of the new ethanol industry shall be left in the hands of benevolent and responsible middle-class humanitarians whose take-home income shall not exceed an annual net sum of $45,000 per executive.

I really do yearn for the death of the corrupt and opportunist oil industry, don't you know? :lol:

[Joe Schmoe]

And so its done. But then, Cheney wasn't able to keep his end of the bargain with Satan. He had no purpose to harvest Middle East's oil anymore, so he went to hell. Then him, Hitler, JFK, and Ghandi rose up from hell with an army, and took over New Zealand. Taking the last decent place on Earth, making casinos, whore houses, and more reality television with lions eating people. But hey, no oil!

I'm sleepy, so I may have broke a bylaw this time. :D

Hmm.. This time, forget marriage, I just wish Widowed loved me! :cry:

[ShadowHands]

Wish granted, but in order to stay Widowed she is forced to kill you.


I wish I was a rockstar!

[Noble]

Ok Widdy, you get your wish. Only a band of terrorist easily create a biological terror weapon that infects corn crops and destroys them. These terrorists spread this weapon throughout the world with amazing ease, and soon enough all of the crops and reserves of corn are destroyed and depleted. The vast amount of resources that it would required to regrow the corn crops to a status where they could sustain the world would take more than 2 years, and the world governments realize that the economy of the entire planet would collapse if they do nothing. So...they revert back to oil.

I wish I was healthy and did not have the medical conditions that I am afflicted with.

EDIT: I see two people beat me to the punch-line.

For Joe's wish, Widdy loves Joe. In fact she loves Joe so much that she commits suicide becasue she can stand the fact that Joe won't marry her.

For Shadowshand, he becomes a rockstar. Only he can't brake laws and do crazy things and get away with it. After committing his first crime of urinating in public after a concert he is castrated and then beheaded in a public square.

[The Widowed]

For Joe's wish, Widdy loves Joe. In fact she loves Joe so much that she commits suicide becasue she can stand the fact that Joe won't marry her.
I liked the other ending better. :D

I wish I was healthy and did not have the medical conditions that I am afflicted with.
Poof! You're healthy. But the bad voodoo of those medical afflictions have to go somewhere. And that somewhere is your favorite puppy, who promptly dies.

I'll get around to combing those answers to my wish with a fine-tooth legal comb. But for now, I wanna play games.

Oh, yes...and I wish for nothing. :D

[Joe Schmoe]

Widowed gets nothing, ever. Including food. :D

I wish George Bush was gay, wouldn't that be funny? I mean, really. Lets hear how that would go

[Randomus]

George Bush is gay. He remains in the closet and his homophobia increases ten-fold in his fear of being 'outted'. He passes a bill to put all homosexuals in 'Fun' Camps, where angry Yugoslavian immigrants attempt to 're-educate' them. A 'gaydar' is developed to make sure that only gays are sent to the camps. On the strength of his Fun Camp Platform, Bush is elected as President For Life by the majority Red States. The world shakes its head in wonder. In a no doubt unrelated move, every other country in the world begins pouring funding into its space program, specifically focussing on colonisation and space arks.

I wish I was slightly less snobby.

[Malibu Sally]

Granted... you are now only the second snobbiest person on the planet. :P



I wish Rand was even less snobby than he wished for! :p

[BvS]

::derail::

I just saw this and immediately thought of the Bush being gay (http://gprime.net/video.php/bushball) wish.

::/derail::

[Vendel]

Granted... you are now only the second snobbiest person on the planet. :P



I wish Rand was even less snobby than he wished for! :p



Granted! But the amout is so small you go compleatly insane trying to put a numerical amout to it. Enjoy!

[Joe Schmoe]

I wish Vendel posted a wish so this thread could keep going! ;)

[Akamaz]

your wish is granted, vendel posted a wish, however it was much too explicit for the forums to even allow it's existence, so the forum database itself purged all records of the wish.


I wish I was a gestalt consciousness made entirely of spiders

[Randomus]

Your wish is granted. However, all the spiders are those little red ones. A small child spends an afternoon squashing you with his mucus (and god knows what else)-encrusted thumb.

I wish Wesley Snipes had a personality instead of being a blank slate, and furthermore was not evil or a dictator.

[Malibu Sally]

Granted... He now has your personality. Since you now have none, no one cares about you and you wander the planet aimlessly till the end of your days. :)




I wish for a bowl of chocolate ice cream with whipped cream and almonds on top.

[Randomus]

Your wish is granted. However, after you eat the bowl and thoroughly enjoy it, the maker comes out and informs you that it was made from babies and poor innocent seals. The almonds were their bones. You die after retching up your internal organs.

I wish I could get a copy of Samuel L. Jackson's-- the famous black actor who played Mace Windu, that is--personality now that I have none. I always wanted to be cool.

[TroubleWolf]

Congratulations, motherf***er, you're Sam Jackson! Problem is, you're pretty f***in' white, huh?! Everybody starts calling you a wannabe, and other, more nasty names! The only person who'll hang out with your wannabe ass is Quentin Tarantino! You'd think that'd be cool, right?! Wrong, motherf***er! QT keeps layin' his honky hand on your inner thigh! Apparently, he has a thing for white men who act like Samuel L. Jackson! You lose, bi**h!

I wish people would stop posting right before I finish typing my post.

[Randomus]

Damn! Foiled by Tarantino. Maybe if I wore blackface... but no. That would get me lynched. Maybe I can pull a reverse-MJ?!

Your wish is granted. Right before you finish your post, everyone dies, including you! Now no one can post any more.

I wish I had a working lightsaber and the knowledge and skill to use it without cutting off any part of myself or my loved ones!

[Akamaz]

I wish I had a working lightsaber and the knowledge and skill to use it without cutting off any part of myself or my loved ones!


your wish is granted, you know how to use a lightsaber and have tremendous skill with using it. Unfortunately it is powered by a 1 inch extension cord... made for swahilian power outlets.

I wish blasters had the same damage cap as scrappers.

[Esbat]

Your wish is granted but whilst practicing your lightsabre skills you take a mistep and, since you're on Tatooine, you fall into a pit and swallowed up by the Sarlaac where you are digested for 10,000 years.

I wish for a group of single, non-lesbionic (but can be bisexual), attractive, non-lethal catgirls and ladies (who have never been men or are men or want to be men or hate men or me) to make sweet, sweet lovin' with me.

[Randomus]

Your wish is granted! But now Blasters have only one hitpoint and no defensive abilities.

I wish I had a safe, miniaturised, long-lasting Swahilian power generator so that I could take my lightsaber everywhere.

[Malibu Sally]

Esbat's wish is granted.... They are all over ninety years old and have every STD in the book though.

Rand's wish is granted too... But the warranty runs out in 5 seconds, then it breaks. The manufacturer goes out of business before you can buy a replacement. Now you have two useless items.


I wish I could draw good so that I don't have to steal images from the web to color.

[Esbat]

Hey, I said attractive...

[TroubleWolf]

Hey, I said attractive...

Whar? You've never seen an attractive 90-year-old woman? Pedophile.

[TroubleWolf]

I wish I could draw good so that I don't have to steal images from the web to color.

You're a regular Joe Madureiera! You know you can draw with the best of them, now. Unfortunately, every time you try to convey that to someone, you can't seem to use the utensil they give you to draw with. Pencils, pens, chalks, Wacom tablets, even just the computer mouse with MS Paint stumps you! With no way to get your wonderful artistic ability across to the masses, you eventually go insane.

I wish Xibit would Pimp My Ride!

[Randomus]

XZibit pimps your Daewoo.

http://www.schwab-kolb.com/jpg/daewoo/dae00013.jpg

He puts ten TVs in the back, a stereo large enough to move Jupiter, a ping pong table on the roof, an ironing board for the back hatch, a chandelier, a PS2, a cappuccino maker in the console and heating racing chairs that double as massagers.

Unfortunately you can no longer drive the car or use any of the peripherals because they use up all your battery power in 5 minutes and, well, Daewoo sucks.

In a fit of blind rage, you go after and murder XZibit while he's riding high in his pimped out Diet Pepsi truck. Immediately you are caught by the police and thrown in jail without a trial. Your cellmate is named Michael. Michael Jackson. His tastes have grown more... mature.

I wish I had a Daihatsu Hijet that transformed into a benevolent, world-saving robot for me to pilot without any adverse effects to my sanity or physiology.

[Randomus]

Hey, I said attractive...

You did not specify to whom they were attractive. Many men and women find nigh-centennarians to be terribly sexy.

[TroubleWolf]

Immediately you are caught by the police and thrown in jail without a trial. Your cellmate is named Michael. Michael Jackson. His tastes have grown more... mature.

1. I hire a lawyer to get me out of jail based on the fact that I got no trial.

2. I rape that little whore while calling him "Liz". You heard me.

[Joe Schmoe]

I wish I had a Daihatsu Hijet that transformed into a benevolent, world-saving robot for me to pilot without any adverse effects to my sanity or physiology.

And you get one! But you never learned out to pilot it, so you crash into a mountain. Yeesh, it was a huge explosion.

I wish people bursted into song and dance like in musicals, in real life.

[Randomus]

And you get one! But you never learned out to pilot it, so you crash into a mountain. Yeesh, it was a huge explosion.

I wish people bursted into song and dance like in musicals, in real life.

And they do! But the Musical they use as inspiration is RENT, so all they sing about is AIDS and other horribly depressing things. The suicide rate quintuples overnight.

[Vendel]

I wish I wouldnt have to remind people to make a wish

[Esbat]

Your wish is granted but not only do they burst into song and dance but also into flame, which their screams drown out the merry songs...

I wish for some alone time with Sheila Croc, rrrrrrrrowl. ;)

[Randomus]

I was trying to edit in a wish you darn spry kids! Some of us are doing real work in between our forum postings!!

Your wish is granted, Esbat, even though your reply to Joe's wish wasn't as cool as mine. You have alone time with Sheila Croc, but all that happens is that she brutally kills and eats you with no romantic preamble. Woops!

I wish I could fly! And land! And withstand atmospheric pressures and G force and cold and oxygen deprivation and friction! And didn't need sissy wings of any kind or to transform into anything other than myself.

[Tsarmina]

Wish Granted! But you have no idea how to control your flight and fly into a volcano!

I wish I would get a $10pay raise at work.

[coldcut]

Wish granted. Your flesh is now craved by East Asian businessmen as an aphrodisiac, and you are hunted across the globe by well armed mercenaries.

I wish my trees weren't dying.

[TroubleWolf]

"Ask and ye shall receive!" a voice shouts from on high, and your wish is granted! Your trees are no longer dying, they are officially dead!

I wish I was the best mechanic in the world, so I wouldn't have to pay out the ear every time I needed something fixed on my vehicle. :mad:

[Solario]

Congratulations! You are now officially the best mechanic in the world! Unafortunately on your first day of the job, SOMEBODY forgets to use the handbrakes and, while you're tinkering under the car body, it starts rolling, taking off both your arms.

I wish the universe would cease to be... or atleast the french language.

[sheld0n]

Universe ceases to be! Including time, which means the past as well. And that means your wish also ceases to exist, wich brings universe back. :)

I wish triangles had four sides.

[The Widowed]

Triangles become rectangles, and rectangles become triangles. Alas, you've really accomplished nothing except the redefinition of a couple of Greek word roots. The whole experience will probably leave you feeling a bit empty.

I wish that there were a star named after me. :D

[Akamaz]

your wish is granted, there is a star named after you, however it's only her stage name, his real name is Steve

[coldcut]

I wish I was as good with women as I am with dogs.

[Malibu Sally]

I wish I was as good with women as I am with dogs.

That wish is so horrifying that I cannot come up with a good reply. Please coldcut, rephrase it so that is does not sound like you are an expert at "getting it on" with dogs. :notme:

[Black Razor]

I wish I was as good with women as I am with dogs.

You meet a beautiful woman who finds you funny and charming... and turns out to be a werewolf ...she promtly dismembers and eats you after your 'good' *shudder* with her. >:]

I wish ... I had never read Coldcut's post. O_o

[Rottweiler]

You meet a beautiful woman who finds you funny and charming... and turns out to be a werewolf ...she promtly dismembers and eats you after your 'good' *shudder* with her. >:]

I wish ... I had never read Coldcut's post. O_o

Your wish is granted. You had never read Coldcut's post... last week.

I wish that, effective immediately, the lives of everyone including myself and future generations were long, healthy, peaceful, and happy with only the occasional slight, nearly-insignificant inconvenience to remind us of how wonderful life is.

[Malibu Sally]

Your wish is granted. You had never read Coldcut's post... last week.

I wish that, effective immediately, the lives of everyone including myself and future generations were long, healthy, peaceful, and happy with only the occasional slight, nearly-insignificant inconvenience to remind us of how wonderful life is.

Granted... Now you and everyone else will be at peace because we are all in diabetic comas from how sugary sweet everything has become. :eyebrow:


I wish everything is a huge pain the ass for the next poster.

[Randomus]

Your wish is granted. The next Equestrian champion suffers from a huge pain in the ass while posting (a movement atop a horse) and is thrown off the horse. He lands in the crowd, dying immediately, killing five others and wounding half a dozen. The horse, believed to be at fault by a knee-jerk media, is put down and melted into glue, which is sold as Freedom Glue. Don't let those terrorist horses win! Use them to do crafts instead!

I wish I could accomplish things just by thinking about them.

[coldcut]

That post was written after some fairly heavy medication combined with alcohol, so please excuse the grammatical weirdness.

[Solario]

Your wish is granted. The next Equestrian champion suffers from a huge pain in the ass while posting (a movement atop a horse) and is thrown off the horse. He lands in the crowd, dying immediately, killing five others and wounding half a dozen. The horse, believed to be at fault by a knee-jerk media, is put down and melted into glue, which is sold as Freedom Glue. Don't let those terrorist horses win! Use them to do crafts instead!

I wish I could accomplish things just by thinking about them.

Your wish is now granted! Everything you think happens! First you win a trillion dollars, then you are in a "menage a trois" with the two most beautiful women and everything is working out for you. Unafortunately the following night you have a nasty nightmare about being brutally murdered in your sleep.

I wish Rob Liefeld would never get any work again.

[Randomus]

Your wish is granted. Liefeld never works again.

Oh no.

He creates. He creates on every comic currently on the stands. The government goes after comic books again, this time not because of suspected links with Communism, but because the art is so bloody awful.

I wish I could control time itself!

[Stalking Shadow]

Congratulations! You can now control time!
Unfortunately, so can everyone else, which leads to a world of temporal paradoxes because people keep going back in time and reversing what the other guy is doing, or going forward in time, or going backward in time to kill someone they didn't like at birth. It turns out that you fathered yourself thirty-two times before the space-time continuum fragments so much that the universe implodes on it self. Thanks alot, buttwipe.

I wish I had a club sandwich.

[Gaia]

Granted. Only its made out of wood. Its a very detailed carving and includes the bread and all the trimming. Even has a handle so you can actually club people with it. In fact here comes someone right now. Oh my gosh! Its not only wood but magic and can sense the world around it. It does your unconcious bidding and smashes the poor victim in the face.

I wish I ruled the world and could make everyone understand and get along with each other.

[Vendel]

I wish I ruled the world and could make everyone understand and get along with each other.


Granted! Now the world is at peace. You Rule with a velvet fist. All weapons are destroyed. Peace and love rule the day. Until our new alien overlords arrive. Enjoy!

I wish I wouldnt have to edit my post to include a wish

[Lorash]

I wish I wouldnt have to edit my post to include a wish

"Easily done!" the Genie exclaims. You are now able to, as before, click on the "Post Reply" and "Quote" buttons, but..What is this? The "Submit Reply" button doesn't work! Oh the humanity! You're never able to fully complete a post ever again! No one shall see your words of wisdom but you!

I wish I had a new and better telephone than my current one.

[Randomus]

Your wish is granted. You get a telephone that transforms into a robot and has HDTV functionality. Unfortunately, it also has a highly-devloped AI. The Phonebot decides that humanity needs to be protected from itself, and goes on a killing spree.

I wish it wasn't going to be cold tomorrow so I could wear my natty new threads, gang!

[Lorash]

Your wish is granted. Welcome to the surface of the Sun: Population One--oops, you vaporized.

I wish I had a nice baked potato.

[Stalking Shadow]

Granted. Only its made out of wood. Its a very detailed carving and includes the bread and all the trimming. Even has a handle so you can actually club people with it. In fact here comes someone right now. Oh my gosh! Its not only wood but magic and can sense the world around it. It does your unconcious bidding and smashes the poor victim in the face.


That's not a wish with a twist... that's WICKED AWESOME!

Lorash: You have a nice potato. She asks, "Was it good for you too?"

I wish I had a winged horse that I could ride around everywhere!

[Alumette]

You have a winged horse, but it is Swift Wind, the former steed of She-Ra, Princess of Power. Swift Wind was sold at auction a few years ago when She-Ra retired, in order to pay some overdue medical bills (presumably from her breast augmentation).

The owner used Swift Wind as part of a FedEx courier fleet, virtually flying him to exhaustion until he was little more than a gliding nag. FedEx planned to sell him to the glue factory (the feathers being an added bonus), but the local chapter of FlyHorR (Flying Horse Rescue) bought him in the nick of time, and approved your adoption request just now.

Swift Wind is insane, prone to mood swings, and suffers from tennis elbow. He requires constant medical attention, including regular injections of tapioca pudding on a daily basis. He has also been known to dress up in women's clothing and partake in Vegas drag shows with Mr. Ed and Silver, famous horses also retired from mainstream show business.

I wish I had a box of artisanal dark chocolate truffles.

[Stalking Shadow]

You get your chocolate fungus.

I wish I didn't have homework.

[Impact]

You no longer have homework......in fact, your grade rests upon you learning all the material for every class in one week and taking one test on it. Enjoy

I wish I could fly so I could visit my friends all over.

[Stalking Shadow]

You fly, from 20,000 feet to sea level without a parachute. Thankfully, your friends and family are standing by to watch you become street pizza.

I wish there were more hours in the day.

[Black Razor]

Your boss makes you work 8 MORE HOURS.

I wish I didnt have to make a wish.

[Vendel]

I wish I didnt have to make a wish.


Granted! Your don't make a wish. But the paradoxial nature of wishing for no wishes causes realaity as we know it to colapse upon itself and become nothingness. Enjoy!


I wish I had a healing factor

[Gaia]

Granted! You have a healing factor only thing is you are now the perfect person to star in "Operation" on the Discovery Health channel. People tune in every day to see what new transplant or body part will be repaired next.

I wish I had cosmic energy powers and awareness.

[Impact]

Booyah! You now have cosmic powers and awareness....but the government takes notice of this and promptly wisks you and your family away to be "examined to determine the source" of your abilities.

I wish I had a lightsabre :cool:

[Randomus]

You get a lightsaber. Through your skull.

I wish I had Sam Vimes' street smarts and Sherlock Holmes' deductive abilities.

[Malibu Sally]

Granted... you have their abilities, but no clue how to utilize them. You end up using your deductive power figuring out simple things that everyone else has already figured out.


I wish what the next person in this thread wishes for.

[TroubleWolf]

Lucky you, you wish for what I wish for! Beautiful, intelligent women who enjoy playing Dungeons and Dragons, as well as singing karaoke, suddenly decide to move to your hometown. They find you extremely attractive, and soon you have an unending supply of stalkers.

I wish that beautiful, intelligent women who enjoy playing Dungeons and Dragons, as well as singing karaoke, would suddenly decide to move to my hometown. Also, they will find me extremely attractive, and soon I will have an unending supply of perfect women.

[Randomus]

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, they are cold, unfeeling robots bent on world destruction. Also, they are anatomically incorrect and their singing voices are terrible.

I wish I was a cold, unfeeling robot bent on world domination.

[TroubleWolf]

I wish I was a cold, unfeeling robot bent on world domination.

You are. And you are also anatomically incorrect, with a terrible singing voice.

I wish it was time to go home.

[Randomus]

Damn! My lovely singing voice is one of my only attractive assets. Oh well.

It is time to go home. Everyone is rendered back to their individual atomic components. The universe ends.

I wish this pizza still tasted as good but was less greasy.

[Stalking Shadow]

It's time to go home... to the senior home! :geezer: *zing!*

I wish that I had the women that TroubleWolf described above... who were also attracted to me, and who were not anatomically incorrect robots with terrible singing voices.

[Digital]

It's time to go home... to the senior home! :geezer: *zing!*

I wish that I had the women that TroubleWolf described above... who were also attracted to me, and who were not anatomically incorrect robots with terrible singing voices.

Granted, but they all have various types of STDs, enjoy.

I wish I wasn't so tired.

[Stalking Shadow]

You aren't tired. You are now incredibly wired, and wish that you were a little less on edge. Now you're exhausted. You wish that you aren't tired. You aren't tired. You are now incredibly wired...

I wish that I had a thousand bucks.

[Randomus]

You get a thousand bucks. Taxes deduct $10,000 of your winnings. You are now $9,000 in debt.

I wish Lost would get on with the story already.

[Digital]

I wish that I had a thousand bucks.

You now have a thousand bucks. But its drug money. The police take your money and all of your assets and auction it off. You are poor and now live on the streets.

EDIT

You get a thousand bucks. Taxes deduct $10,000 of your winnings. You are now $9,000 in debt.

I wish Lost would get on with the story already.

He does get on with the story, but its completely boring and you end up falling asleep at the only decent part. Then all your friends keep talking about the great part of the story that you didn't see.

I wish I could see into the future.

[Randomus]

Stop skipping my posts, you rapscallions!

You can see into the future. Now life holds no surprises. You spiral into a pit of despair, having seen your own death and that of all your loved ones. You spend the rest of your short life living in a dark cellar trying to make the visions go away. Eventually you starve to death.

I wish to travel through space, safely, in a spaceship that can't break down, with good company and an endless supply of food, water and entertainment.

[Digital]

Stop skipping my posts, you rapscallions!

I wish to travel through space, safely, in a spaceship that can't break down, with good company and an endless supply of food, water and entertainment.

This rapscallion has granted your wish! You can travel in space now! But your endless food and water is liver and green chunky water.

Edit: Need a wish

I wish I could fly.

[Randomus]

You can fly, but you can't land, withstand atmospheric pressures or temperatures, or breathe thinner air. On your maiden flight you suffocate and freeze and, unable to land, crash into a rusty old factory. It is not a pleasant death.

I wish my metabolism was geared to process liver and chunky green water properly.

[Digital]

I wish my metabolism was geared to process liver and chunky green water properly.

Your wish has been granted. However you grow a second uglier head that constantly talks to you even while you sleep.

I wish the Yankees lost all their money and are in last place for the new 50 years.

[Stalking Shadow]

You can see into the future, the only catch is that anything you find out has to be reported in cryptic cinquains.

I wish that I had more time to write.

[Gaia]

Granted! A nuclear holocaust destroys the world and you are the last person on it because you went to write in the new vault installed in the bank you were working in. However, you fall and break your glasses and are unable to see the writing or the paper.

I wish I could win the Powerball jackpot.

[Stalking Shadow]

You win the Powerball Jackpot. So does everyone else. The payout is about $0.85. Congrats!

I wish I had a red swingline stapler.

[Magestic Wintre]

You are a multi millionaire!!!! However since you have nothing to dream about you develop insomnia and since you can't sleep you spend all your money on chiapets because you actually have the time to watch them grow and end up homeless with millions of chchchia's.

I wish to own a pair of diamond shoes!

[Tarkenchi]

I wish to own a pair of diamond shoes!

You get your diamond shoes but they cut your feet so badly that you have to amputate them

I wish my mom never got in the car wreck :grr:

[Stalking Shadow]

Your mom never got in that car wreck. It was a boating accident instead. :cry:

I wish I had feelings.

[Rottweiler]

Your mom never got in that car wreck. It was a boating accident instead. :cry:

I wish I had feelings.

Granted. You have two feelings: nausea and complete terror.

I wish my wishes wouldn't be granted.

[Stalking Shadow]

Granted! The internal paradox inherent in your wish causes the universe to collapse on itself, turning black into white, night into day, etc. Now, EVERY DAY is opposite day! Wish for something, and the opposite will be granted!

I wish that there wasn't a competitive third party.

[Rottweiler]

Granted! You are invited to the only two parties that will be held in your lifetime... horribly boring, nauseating, dreary parties with no apparent end that no one wants to attempt to top a third time. So, no worrying about competitive third parties, then.

I wish I had something interesting to say right now. (But I'm tired - gnight)

[Randomus]

Your wish is granted. Your body is taken over by Satan.

I wish I could grow sunflowers at will.

[The Widowed]

Very well. But the sunflowers are a rare, carnivorous, tropical subspecies which can grow up to 16 feet in height with a steady diet of mammals. No, they are not above devouring mankind. Yes, they are hungry. And worse, they're intelligent....

I wish I had a 24" flatscreen LCD monitor for my computer.

[Akamaz]

Granted! one of your tenants vanishes without paying their rent and for some reason, you are allowed first pick of his/her stuff!

you bring home his 24'' Flatscreeen monitor and plug it in.

2 weeks later the police discover that the reason the tenant dissapeared is because you killed him because you wanted his 24"monitor. you go to jail and become good friends with an inmate, who in exchange for protection from the other inmates, forces you to become his bit(#

I wish that i knew how to properly cook a steak on the grill.

[Stalking Shadow]

You learn how to grill perfectly, maxing out your cooking skill to 250. However, you're just playing World of Warcraft, so even though you can sell the Perfect Steak at the AH for a killing, you're still starving in real life. :P

I wish I could play City of Heroes for free.

[Chain Lightning]

Your wish is granted, but since the monthly fee is done away with the devs are let go and there is no new material until Sony buys out Cryptic, steals all the good material for SWGarbage and shut down COH once they're ripped out everything they find useful.


I wish I had my super speed in real life.

[The Widowed]

You're super-speedy now! Unfortunately--unlike in City of Heroes--real-world physics apply. And that means that running at high speed into solid objects hurts. Stay off of the ice.

I wish for a single pebble, sitting in the palm of my hand. :D

[Xielos]

You get the pebble in your palm, but as it turns out the pebble has been heated to just under melting point, burning a hole through your hand :shinner:

I wish my cars transmission fixed itself magicaly.

[Stalking Shadow]

Your car fixes its own transmission... by becoming a transformer. It transform while you're still inside, one day, during rush hour traffic, and you become Xielos-puree in your Autobot's inner workings.

I wish I had a monkey with a typewriter who made me copies of Shakespeare on demand.

[Tarkenchi]

you have a monkey with a typewriter, who does the shakespear for you, on demand, except he charges 100$ a character

I wish i was old enough to drive

[Stalking Shadow]

You're old enough to drive... go-carts on go-cart racing tracks.

I wish that people would donate to charity without needing to have some stupid bracelet or bumper sticker in return.

[Tarkenchi]

you get it, but now people only donate the minimum .05c

I wish i could, like, not be so hot... sweating. gawsh

[suburbanhell]

you get it, but now people only donate the minimum .05c

I wish i could, like, not be so hot... sweating. gawsh

Your wish is granted, you are instantly teleported to the arctic circle with whatever it was you were wearing when you read this. Enjoy the cold that will no doubt kill you within a few hours.

I wish I was back in the United States.

[Stalking Shadow]

Instead of going back to the United States, the United States comes to you! America has declared hegemony over the entire world, and Emperor Bush now controls the world in his iron grip. :p

I wish I had a spaceship.

[Tarkenchi]

You have a space ship, but it doesnt work, because it has no engine...:P

I wish i wish upon a star, a wish a star a wish i wish

[Stalking Shadow]

You wish upon a star... but stars are really just big balls of fire, so you burn into a crisp. :shinner:

I wish some people would check out my thread in the RP forum. Yes. You're right. This is a shameless plug.

[The Widowed]

Your wish is granted! Charon browses your RP thread and, after finding what he believes to be obscene references and a recipe for homebrewing nitric acid, locks and deletes the topic.

I wish that it would rain marshmallows in Sudan. :D

[Kurai Inago]

And it does, for the next 5 months, smothering all of the living things in the country.

I wish I didn't have school tommorow

[The Widowed]

And it does, for the next 5 months, smothering all of the living things in the country.
Cool! Sudan sucks anyway. Oh, wait. Not the zebras! Not the zebras!!! NooooooOOOOoooo.....

I wish I didn't have school tommorow
And as it turns out, you don't have to go to school tomorrow...because you've been killed by necromancers and turned into a zombie. :chuckle:

I wish that it would rain marshmallows over Nigeria! :D

[Stalking Shadow]

It rains marshmallows over Nigeria, and Kenya, and France, and the United States, and Russia, and Brazil, and all over the world. The Blue Planet has become the White Fluffy Planet, and everyone is dead.

I wish that the Widowed would check out my RP thread, and consider signing up. *More shameless plugs!*

[The Widowed]

Your wish is granted! Unfortunately, the entry sucked. :D

I wish that it would rain marshmallows on the planet Mercury.

[Stalking Shadow]

Your wish is granted! Unfortunately, the entry sucked. :D

Aww...

But marshmallows do rain down on Mercury, making the bested toasted marshmallows in the universe! Mercury is renamed Planet JetPuff, and to make reaching it easier, the Galaxy Planning Commission demolishes the Earth for interstellar hyperspace offramp.

Edit: I wish that I had remembered to wish for something in the first place, instead of having to edit this and put in this wish.

[Vendel]

Edit: I wish that I had remembered to wish for something in the first place, instead of having to edit this and put in this wish.


Granted! You never had to edit your post becuse you remembered in the first place. Time and space colloapse from the ironic nature of this.


I wish I could control my dreams.

[Stalking Shadow]

Congratulations! You can control your dreams! But in Soviet Russia... your dreams control YOU!

Guess where your boss transferred you?

I wish more people got my jokes.

[Vendel]

Granted! Everyone gets your jokes. And they still don't think they are funny. You are hunted down and killed for wasteing everyones time. Enjoy!


I wish a cow could really shoot a gun.

[suburbanhell]

Your wish is granted. A cow develops fingers and shoots a gun. At you. You're dead now. Happy?

I wish I was somewhere else.

[Joe Schmoe]

Grats! You're somewhere else. Hell. Enjoy your stay

I wish I had some Dr. Pepper, I could use the caffeine

[Titomancer]

Granted: You get the Dr. Pepper shooting out of my nose after reading this thread. Happy Kwanzaa.

I wish I could get that damn "Internet is for Porn" song out of my head.

[TroubleWolf]

Congratulations! A firecracker placed in each of your ears and ignited causes that song to blow right out of your head!

I wish Vince Vaughn was my best friend, so we could crash weddings.

[Solario]

Vince Vaughn is your best friend and you do indeed crash weddings. Unafortunately when the time comes he crashes your wedding, steals the bride and the entire ceremony is rewritten as to accomidate with the fact that you no longer is the groom.

I wish I could go to Heroes Con in Charlotte from the 29th of June to the 2nd of July.

[Randomus]

You go to Heroes Con in Charlotte from the 29th of June to the 2nd of July. Unfortunately, so does Conlactus, Devourer of Cons. Everyone dies.

I wish I was a giant robot pilot!!

[TroubleWolf]

You get to be a giant robot pilot. Unfortunately, there aren't any jets large enough to hold your giant robot body. Penniless and unfulfilled, you dive into a volcano, incinerating yourself.

I wish it was February.

[Dr Jack Wolfe]

You are a giant robot pilot. You and your Manzinger XV are very happy to together until you realize you work the evil prince Woton and its your turn to die as cannon fooder for Gigantor.

I wish I had a happier persona.

[Tarkenchi]

You get your month of February, but i mean, seriously... its february, why do you want that?!(plus a cow poops on you)

I wish it wasnt raining so i could race my rc cars... Im having withdrawels, 3 weeks now. :(

[The Widowed]

Ooh, I get a two-for-one special. :D

I wish I had a happier persona.
The Time Lords give you the personality of Charles Manson. Hey, he's plenty happy with what he is and does! Unfortunately, this does tend to make you a bit unpopular with law enforcement and other authorities. On the other hand, your latest spree and subsequent capture helped the journalists sell a lot of newspapers....

I wish it wasnt raining so i could race my rc cars... Im having withdrawels, 3 weeks now. :(
The rain stops and you immediately receive a visit from local promoters who pay you a thousand dollars to race your RC car in their circuit, with $100,000 as the grand prize. Unfortunately, they neglect to tell you that the "race" is a race-against-time sort of demolition derby, like the TV show with homemade robots fighting to the death. Somebody's heavily armed behemoth ends up with little pieces of your car stuck in its tire treads (whatever wasn't ripped apart by its gigantic pneumatic claws, anyway), your car is scrapped and you don't win the grand prize. But at least you got a thousand bucks out of the deal....

I wish someone would teleport Osama into deep space. :P

[TroubleWolf]

As you wish... poor Osama Johnson, age 27, already having had to endure years of hatred and torture just because of his name, is instantly teleported into deep space. He implodes. It is painful. If he could breathe he would curse your name.

I wish for a 12-pack of Bud Light and a pack of Marlboro Lights!

[NibblerJr]

Granted, you drink the bud light, light the cigarettes and burn down your house. And your family.

I wish that I was level 50 :mad:

[The Widowed]

I wish that I was level 50 :mad:
You are Level 50...in some third-tier MMOG named Joe's Big Shrimp Shack. Including you, there's a membership of a whopping twelve subscribers. It's a boring game and the Mom-and-Pop company may be closing its doors soon. But at least you're maximum level and you have the coveted Self-Cleaning Lobster Trap +20. :D

I wish I had an angel for a moment of love. I wish I had your angel tonight.

[/Nightwish]

[Dr Jack Wolfe]

You and David Borenz share an inimate moment involving pillows and bitting while Joss Wheadon stands at your bedroom chanting "push it deeper Angel". When suddenly my angel appears on your shoulder and says "Good time eh? I warned you about about bad Karma"

Wish you could hear what I hear

[Tarkenchi]

we do. But nobody wants to hear it.

I wish widowed had a computer, and dione, and mallysally :(

[Vendel]

Granted! They all have computers. In fact they are the best top of the line computer you can get right now. I mean relly high tech man Almost classified.
Everyone else is so jelous they rise up and slay them.



I wish my sports teams didn't suck this year.

[TroubleWolf]

Granted, you drink the bud light, light the cigarettes and burn down your house. And your family.

Acceptable losses.

I wish my sports teams didn't suck this year.

Congratulations, you're now a fan of the Indianapolis Colts and the St. Louis Cardinals. We can be friends, now. Unfortunately, we have a falling out over whether John Rodriguez or Larry Bigbie should start in left field this season, and I (as is my wont) gut you.

I wish John Rodriguez was a better outfielder/baserunner.

[The Widowed]

John Rodriguez becomes the test subject for the Government's next attempt at building a six-million dollar man. The experiment succeeds remarkably; Rodriguez can run faster, catch better, leap higher and aim more accurately than any man (or woman) alive. Unfortunately, the Government gets some return from their investment by immediately pulling Rodriguez out of baseball and putting him to work on a long dossier of top secret missions in the Middle East. Your loss, baseball fans. :P

I wish that there was a reality show with Sera and Cryo moving into a house together. :)

[ChairLegOfTruth]

Granted. It becomes so popular that it takes over every network and every channel. Pretty soon all there is to watch is Sera and Cryo in a house together until their dying days. When they do finally pass away civilisation comes to an end when the world's economy collapses.

I wish the world was a better place for me and mine.

[thebluecanary]

Granted. It becomes so popular that it takes over every network and every channel. Pretty soon all there is to watch is Sera and Cryo in a house together until their dying days. When they do finally pass away civilisation comes to an end when the world's economy collapses.

I wish the world was a better place for me and mine.

Granted: The world becomes a peacful place. The air is clean, the water is cool and refeshing. The world has become empty except for you and yours. Enjoy the quite.

I wish girls were not so mean to me.

[Gogo-chan]

Granted! Girls are no longer mean to you--they LOVE you! Every woman on the planet wants you for her very own, and they are insanely jealous of each other. This sparks a global conflict, woman-on-woman, and soon there are none left. It's just you and the guys. Enjoy!

I wish it were summer, I got the flight out to San Francisco, I meet Sharkey, we hit it off and fall in love, I get accepted to UC Berkeley and now have a wonderful boyfriend and school.

[The Widowed]

No problem! Unfortunately, you're in San Francisco the night the tectonic plates and the San Andreas fault decide that it's time for California to break off from the continent and sink into the ocean. I hope you brought a life vest.

I wish the grass would stop growing when it reaches three inches in height. :P

[ChairLegOfTruth]

Enjoy the quite. With my family? You're joking right? I can't remember the last time I had any peace and quiet.

I wish the grass would stop growing when it reaches three inches in height. :P As you command. *Bows deeply*

The growth of all grasses is stunted to three inches. Wheat, Barley, Rice, Bamboo, and numerous other crops are hit. Many economies shatter as their major food sources dissappear or, in the case of ruminants, starve over the winter. No more bread or beer, amongst other things.

Enjoy your diet of soya, fungi and fish.

Civilisation totters and almost falls. Most countries become insular and introspective. Between major cities of the US roving cycle gangs bring chaos and death as many smaller towns fall to banditry. Then, in 2023, "Crazy Joe" Harshman mounts a surplus .50-calibur machine gun in his Chevy to win the Fresno derby. Autoduelling is born. Soon organised Autoduel Associations (such as the AADA) are taking back the roads. The sport of Autoduelling quicly unites the globe and civilisation is saved.

Apologies to Steve Jackson Games (http://www.sjgames.com/)

Oh I almost forgot. I wish, I wish, I wish I could end war.

[Randomus]

With my family? You're joking right? I can't remember the last time I had any peace and quiet.

As you command. *Bows deeply*

The growth of all grasses is stunted to three inches. Wheat, Barley, Rice, Bamboo, and numerous other crops are hit. Many economies shatter as their major food sources dissappear or, in the case of ruminants, starve over the winter. No more bread or beer, amongst other things.

Enjoy your diet of soya, fungi and fish.

Civilisation totters and almost falls. Most countries become insular and introspective. Between major cities of the US roving cycle gangs bring chaos and death as many smaller towns fall to banditry. Then, in 2023, "Crazy Joe" Harshman mounts a surplus .50-calibur machine gun in his Chevy to win the Fresno derby. Autoduelling is born. Soon organised Autoduel Associations (such as the AADA) are taking back the roads. The sport of Autoduelling quicly unites the globe and civilisation is saved.

Apologies to Steve Jackson Games (http://www.sjgames.com/)

Oh I almost forgot. I wish, I wish, I wish I could end war.
You end war. There is no longer any conflict to motivate progress. Humanity grinds to a technological and economic halt. When the aliens invade, we are helpless to resist and quickly become foodstuffs for our new extra terrestrial overlords!

I wish I was a cartoon character!!111one

[Dr Jack Wolfe]

Your wish is granted and you transformed into Henery the HIV; whos sole purpose is to be slowly and painfully disloved by a new drug from Heinkin. You spend the next 50 years being slowly eaten alive only to return again in next week's promotional films.

I wish I knew whats love got to do got to do with it.

[coldcut]

Your wish is granted and you transformed into Henery the HIV; whos sole purpose is to be slowly and painfully disloved by a new drug from Heinkin. You spend the next 50 years being slowly eaten alive only to return again in next week's promotional films.

I wish I knew whats love got to do got to do with it.

You learn what love's got to do with it: absolutely nothing.

I wish the Dell Media Experience would stop bringing my computer to a grinding halt every hour or so.

[The Widowed]

You learn what love's got to do with it: absolutely nothing.

I wish the Dell Media Experience would stop bringing my computer to a grinding halt every hour or so.
Dell takes your wish into consideration and decides to improve their service. Unfortunately, your definition of "improvement" clashes with theirs, and--rather than one hour--you soon find your computer grinding to a halt every 15 minutes. But at least you get a niftier-looking toolbar on your web browser now....

I wish I had harmony. :D

[Tarkenchi]

I wish I had harmony. :D


You do, Harmony online dating, You get bombareded by thousands of horny internet geek per day, Including Joe and Tyrany. :lol:

I wish I had... Diplomatic Immunity so I could kill the people I hate. :shinner: :chuckle: (JOKE! DAMNIT!)

[The Widowed]

You get diplomatic immunity and use it to shoot Mel Gibson. Then Danny Glover shoots you in the head and follows it with a snappy one-liner, sending you to the great beyond as millions of dollars in drug money drift wildly about the bay....

I wish for two more wishes. :)

[Tarkenchi]

you have two more wishes, but you can only use them for the sake of humanity.

I wish I had alot of money so i could buy a forum for everyone that doesnt have damn errors, plus no sig limit.

[BWoods]

You are granted your forum and unlimited sig size, but are limited to only one post per page, for the signatures are 10gb a peice.

I wish I had a little more cash and a little less work.

[Tarkenchi]

Granted, but now you have to serve as a porto potty for christy ally.

I wish a wish a wish i wish a wish of a wish i wish a wish of a wish with a wishy wish on a wishy washy wish wish wish is wish wish

[coldcut]

Wish granted. Man, you really shouldn't have used your only wish on pure gibberish.

I wish my carpet could vacuum itself.

[Tarkenchi]

Granted. It vacuums itself, but it is a blackhole so you have no carpet and die.

I wish uhh, lezeeee... my chair was comfier. :|

[Krypto]

Your wish is granted. You are one of the lucky few to test the prototype "Superchair 9000". In fact, it's not only more comfortable than your current chair, it's the most comfortable chair in the world. Unfortunately, it seems that the chair you're testing has a few bugs in it. While changing from lounge to recline mode, the chair goes haywire and snaps your back in two, leaving you confined in the most uncomfortable wheelchair for the rest of your life.


I wish I could find a nice, attractive girl that's into the same stuff as me, and doesn't live more than 200 miles away. :p

[coldcut]

Your wish is granted. You are one of the lucky few to test the prototype "Superchair 9000". In fact, it's not only more comfortable than your current chair, it's the most comfortable chair in the world. Unfortunately, it seems that the chair you're testing has a few bugs in it. While changing from lounge to recline mode, the chair goes haywire and snaps your back in two, leaving you confined in the most uncomfortable wheelchair for the rest of your life.


I wish I could find a nice, attractive girl that's into the same stuff as me, and doesn't live more than 200 miles away. :p

You find a nice attractive girl who lives in your exact same town. You have the same interests, the same feelings, the same thoughts on the same things....it's not until after the first kid that you find out that she's your long lost twin sister.

I wish I had a beard.

[Tarkenchi]

You get a beard, but it has a mind of its own and grows around your neck and chokes you.

I wish Krypto's twin sister drove a porsche cayman, but either way, I'd hit it.

[coldcut]

You get a beard, but it has a mind of its own and grows around your neck and chokes you.

I wish Krypto's twin sister drove a porsche cayman, but either way, I'd hit it.

You hit Krypto's sister's porsche, causing a massive amount of damage. Paying that off is going to take awhile.

I wish I had a monkey smiley.

[Krypto]

You hit Krypto's sister's porsche, causing a massive amount of damage. Paying that off is going to take awhile.

I wish I had a monkey smiley.

(Mine was better :P)

Your wish has been granted. You are given a monkey smiley. However, it is your last smiley, as Joe finally snaps from seeing too many monkeys. He kills your monkey smiley, and then proceeds to kill you.

(haha, silly me, forgot a wish)

I wish I get all As next semester. :p

[Tarkenchi]

Your wish granted, you get all a's next semester. In Sexology, but little did you know your class partner had aids, herpes and sexlexia so she forgot she had the diseases.

I wish I could not be afraid of my bunny, but after she bit my mom tonight and made her bleed, im pretty effin afraid of that bunny. :|

[Krypto]

Your wish granted, you get all a's next semester. In Sexology, but little did you know your class partner had aids, herpes and sexlexia so she forgot she had the diseases.

I wish I could not be afraid of my bunny, but after she bit my mom tonight and made her bleed, im pretty effin afraid of that bunny. :|

Wish granted. You're no longer afraid of your bunny. Because of this, however, the bunny takes advantage of the situation and mauls you in your sleep.

I wish it didn't feel like I have to constantly impress my family. :-/

[Tarkenchi]

Granted, you dont have to impress them, so you walk around naked, but your pee wee is so small they laugh their ass off when your not around.

I wish I woulda bought into google stocks 2 years ago instead of krispy kreme, what was i thinking! :(

[The Widowed]

As a special contributor, you are rewarded when each copy of Google Earth includes a thumbtack on your house. As you soon find out, this tends to attract burglars, who assume that you're loaded with gobs of Wall Street lucre. And when the President's life is saved by an errant box of Krispy Kreme donuts in the year 2008, you're not there to receive the windfalls of their popularity surge.

I wish I knew how Tark got banned. :think:

[Sebastian Kain]

I wish I knew how Tark got banned. :think:

He wasn't banned, he changed his title.

[The Widowed]

Ohhhhh....

Tark! It's not April Fool's Day yet, you know....

[UnSub]

I wish I knew how Tark got banned. :think:

You know how Tark got banned. All the dirty details, all the filthy bits and wrong things that led up to this event now circle around inside your brain, making you unable to sleep and paranoid that what Tark will one day show up at your house and do those same things to you.

I wish all wishes were fishes so beggars could eat.

[cassidy]

Granted: all wishes becomes fishes for beggers to eat. But sadly the fishes are man-eating paronas from the demon world of Inuyasha. Not only do they eat people but they are very poisonous. And soon they polute the drinking water of the human world.

I wish I was trapped in a world ruled by nothing but beautiful women who cant ressist me :D

[Krypto]

Wish granted.

Unfortunately, because you are so irresistable to them, they begin fighting over you. The fighting gets so bad, that you are caught in the crossfire, and are shot in the head.

It took only 20 minutes for this to happen.

Oops, I did it again.

I wish I wasn't so self conscious. :p

[UnSub]

Wish granted. You no longer care what anyone else thinks of you. Little things like manners, personal hygiene, road rules or even wearing clothes out in public no longer matter to you. As such, you get arrested and jailed on a range of charges. Your demeanor wins you no friends inside and you are forced to spend the rest of your life under protective custody. Alone.

I wish everyone on the CoH Guru's forums was happy.

[Malibu Sally]

I wish everyone on the CoH Guru's forums was happy.
Granted: Everyone is now gay.




I wish Wids would get over that creepout of a certain German entertainer and accept his love unconditionally. :P

[The Widowed]

I wish Wids would get over that creepout of a certain German entertainer and accept his love unconditionally. :P
Steve Bender (formerly of the popular German entertainment troupe Dshinghis Khan) no longer disturbs Widdy--if he ever truly did--and his love is at long last requited unconditionally. Despite their considerable age difference, the two join in union and retire to a five-hundred acre estate in Florida for the rest of their days. :D

Meanwhile, Heino--notorious German pseudo-entertainer at large--continues to frighten children with his screeching androgyny and his evil eye. >:]

I wish that my life would never be without harmony. :)

[UnSub]

I wish that my life would never be without harmony. :)

Wish granted.

Harmony is a 300lb 7" 2' black pre-op transexual prone to mood swings and just loves you so much that some days she could just squeeze you, her dear sweetie pookums, to death.

I wish everyone on the CoH Guru forums was gay.

[The Widowed]

Presto! We're all happy!!! But regretably, seeing as the more traditional definition of "gay" was enacted here, your homosexual lusts go unfulfilled. >:]

I wish that my life would never be without harmony...harmony with a lowercase H. Pay attention this time, doofus. :P

[Meltman]

Poof! You're contantly followed around by Rockapella! Harmony everywhere you go!

[Malibu Sally]

You forgot to wish... or were you too busy leaving your solid wastes all over the place. :P

[Meltman]

My wish: find a way to shut up Sally.

[Malibu Sally]

My wish: find a way to shut up Sally.
Gra........

[The Widowed]

Way to go, Meltman! Now Sally can't make a wish. Dork. :rolleyes:

(There's one way to kill a thread, huh? :D )

[Akamaz]

your wish is granted, a good way to kill a thread is to have me post in it. congratulations, I just did :)

(I wish the thread would live)

[Dr Jack Wolfe]

You wish it granted, but the thread convolts into a pie thing


I wish I had pie

[Meltman]

You are served humble pie by someone obviously your better.

I wish for a million wishes.

[The Widowed]

A million dollars can be very, very heavy...as you find out when the U.S. airdrops a million dollars on top of your house from an altitude of 3,000 feet. :p

I wish that there was an ice statue of me somewhere on the planet Neptune. :)

[Sun-Scarab]

" Mecha lecha hi mecha hiney ho ! "
You are teleported to Neptune, that far away from the sun your fluids freeze instantly holding your form like a statue.

I wish for dinner & a movie with zhang ziyi :naughty: