AfterglowNoMore
09-07-2005, 05:33 AM
“Ok Class, who wants to come to the board and solve this equation? Nicholas, why don’t you try this one?”
“Why don’t I? Now there’s an interesting question. Maybe because the public education system has made it impossible for me to maintain an attention span of longer than fifteen seconds. Or maybe MTV has crippled my ability to form a coherent thought. Or maybe…”
“You didn’t do your homework did you?”
“Why do you bother to ask question that you already know the answers to?”
“Why do even bother to show up to my class when you know that you’re just going to end up in the principal’s office anyway?”
“Eh, I missed Morty over the weekend anyway.”
“That’s Principal Bridges to you Nicholas.”
“Not when you’ve spent as much time with him as I have. And call me Nick, only my parents got to call me Nicholas.”
In ‘Morty’s’ Office
“Nick, let me guess, you were terrorizing Mr. Bower’s class again?”
“I wasn’t terrorizing him. To terrorize means to fill or overpower with terror, or to terrify, or to coerce by intimidation or fear. I was more annoying him than terrorizing him.”
“You see, that’s what I like to hear!”
“That I’m annoying my teachers?”
“No, that you’re using your head again. Since your parents died you’ve been in a funk. You were… are so smart, you just seem to get a kick out of hiding your intelligence from people.”
“Please don’t talk about my parents.”
“Nick, it’s time you talked about your parents death.”
“No, it’s time for lunch, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“So does that mean that you plan on behaving yourself for the rest of the day?”
“You never know Morty.”
“Oye.”
In the Cafeteria
“So how’d it go with Principal Bridges?”
“Same as it goes every day for the last six months.”
“You whip out a nugget of knowledge, he smiles, then tries to get you to talk about your parents death.”
“Yep.”
“So you think he’ll call your grandfather?”
“We’ll find out after school won’t we?”
“So do you want to talk about it?”
“Liz.”
“Kidding. I know you’re over the grief.”
“It’s not that I don’t miss them, it’s just that well…”
“They weren’t around much and your grandfather pretty much raised you.”
“Yeah, and I’d let him legally adopt me, but I catch enough crap in this place without having jokes about becoming my mother’s brother.”
“No kidding, speaking of which…”
“Hey Jackoff!”
“Jackson. Jackson! For the last time, my last name is Jackson!”
“Oh no, he’s angry. Looks like he’s gonna go blow.”
“What’d he ever do to you?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“But it’s mine. What the hell did I do to you?”
“Ok, people break it up. Baxter go back to your cronies.”
“Why do you keep taking up for this peon? It’s not like you two are even that close.”
“Why do you keep hassling him? It’s not like he’s done anything to you to make you harbor such resentment.”
“You can use all the big words that you like Bruce, but you’re still a low rent thug.”
“I didn’t realize that ‘it’ and ‘you’ were big words.”
“Nick, shut it. And Bax, I may be a low rent thug as you so eloquently put it, but you’re still afraid of me. So scurry off and leave the kid alone. This is the last time I’m asking you nicely.”
“Yeah, yeah. You can’t be around all the time.”
“Bye now.”
“You didn’t have to do that Bruce.”
“Yes, I did. No offense Nick, but you’re not exactly physically imposing. You’re smart, and sarcastic. It gets you into trouble. And since you’re pretty much the only friend I have, his beef with you, is his beef with me.”
“Are you two done with the male bonding?”
“Sorry Nick, didn’t mean to interrupt dinner with the wife.”
“We’re not going out.”
“And why the hell not?!”
“Huh?”
“Jesus, for such a smart guy, you can be such an ass.”
“Bruce, what just happened here?”
“I think she called you a smart ass.”
“And people make fun of my sense of humor.”
At the Howard/Jackson Household
“Grandpa? You home?”
“Upstairs Nick.”
“Did Morty call you today?”
“Did you do something wrong?”
“Why don’t you ever answer any of my questions with anything other than a question?”
“No he didn’t call me. What did you do this time?”
“My homework.”
“Nick?”
“I pissed off one of my teachers.”
“Let me guess, Bower?”
“Yup.”
“You know he’s just taking his frustration with your father out on you, right?”
“Yeah, Dad told me when I started high school. Something to do with underpants and super glue. You’d figure that Dad being dead would solve that problem.”
“Nick!”
“Sorry. Listen, if it’s alright with you, I’ll skip the potential speech tonight and head up to my room.”
“Ok, Dinner’s at six. You want Chinese or pizza?”
“I want you to learn how to cook.”
“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll learn to cook, when you manage to go a whole week without seeing Morty.”
“Touché old man, Touché. And he doesn’t like it when people call him Morty.”
“He doesn’t like it when you call him Morty. He actually likes me.”
“Then why don’t you marry him?”
“Because he reminds me too much of Joan Rivers.”
SLAM
“Oye, now I know where I get my sense of humor. And now, I get to try to hold a civilized conversation online with a girl who a few hours ago all but professed her love to me. Oh it is a glory to be me.”
ELiz: He call?
Nicholost: Nope. He probably figured that I’d tell Grandpa anyway.
ELiz: Did you?
Nicholost: Of course. Had to run interference. Buy some points by coming forward.
ELiz: Smart.
Nicholost: For an Ass.
ELiz: About that…
Nicholost: You want me. I can’t say I blame you.
ELiz: Save it. I was just trying to get your attention.
Nicholost: Sure you were.
ELiz: God! You are such a guy.
Nicholost: Well, if I wasn’t, that’d make you a lesbian.
ELiz has logged off
“That went better than I hoped. Too bad I can’t tell her how I feel. God! I’d sell my soul to the devil for a little control over my life.”
“You rang?”
“Why don’t I? Now there’s an interesting question. Maybe because the public education system has made it impossible for me to maintain an attention span of longer than fifteen seconds. Or maybe MTV has crippled my ability to form a coherent thought. Or maybe…”
“You didn’t do your homework did you?”
“Why do you bother to ask question that you already know the answers to?”
“Why do even bother to show up to my class when you know that you’re just going to end up in the principal’s office anyway?”
“Eh, I missed Morty over the weekend anyway.”
“That’s Principal Bridges to you Nicholas.”
“Not when you’ve spent as much time with him as I have. And call me Nick, only my parents got to call me Nicholas.”
In ‘Morty’s’ Office
“Nick, let me guess, you were terrorizing Mr. Bower’s class again?”
“I wasn’t terrorizing him. To terrorize means to fill or overpower with terror, or to terrify, or to coerce by intimidation or fear. I was more annoying him than terrorizing him.”
“You see, that’s what I like to hear!”
“That I’m annoying my teachers?”
“No, that you’re using your head again. Since your parents died you’ve been in a funk. You were… are so smart, you just seem to get a kick out of hiding your intelligence from people.”
“Please don’t talk about my parents.”
“Nick, it’s time you talked about your parents death.”
“No, it’s time for lunch, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“So does that mean that you plan on behaving yourself for the rest of the day?”
“You never know Morty.”
“Oye.”
In the Cafeteria
“So how’d it go with Principal Bridges?”
“Same as it goes every day for the last six months.”
“You whip out a nugget of knowledge, he smiles, then tries to get you to talk about your parents death.”
“Yep.”
“So you think he’ll call your grandfather?”
“We’ll find out after school won’t we?”
“So do you want to talk about it?”
“Liz.”
“Kidding. I know you’re over the grief.”
“It’s not that I don’t miss them, it’s just that well…”
“They weren’t around much and your grandfather pretty much raised you.”
“Yeah, and I’d let him legally adopt me, but I catch enough crap in this place without having jokes about becoming my mother’s brother.”
“No kidding, speaking of which…”
“Hey Jackoff!”
“Jackson. Jackson! For the last time, my last name is Jackson!”
“Oh no, he’s angry. Looks like he’s gonna go blow.”
“What’d he ever do to you?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“But it’s mine. What the hell did I do to you?”
“Ok, people break it up. Baxter go back to your cronies.”
“Why do you keep taking up for this peon? It’s not like you two are even that close.”
“Why do you keep hassling him? It’s not like he’s done anything to you to make you harbor such resentment.”
“You can use all the big words that you like Bruce, but you’re still a low rent thug.”
“I didn’t realize that ‘it’ and ‘you’ were big words.”
“Nick, shut it. And Bax, I may be a low rent thug as you so eloquently put it, but you’re still afraid of me. So scurry off and leave the kid alone. This is the last time I’m asking you nicely.”
“Yeah, yeah. You can’t be around all the time.”
“Bye now.”
“You didn’t have to do that Bruce.”
“Yes, I did. No offense Nick, but you’re not exactly physically imposing. You’re smart, and sarcastic. It gets you into trouble. And since you’re pretty much the only friend I have, his beef with you, is his beef with me.”
“Are you two done with the male bonding?”
“Sorry Nick, didn’t mean to interrupt dinner with the wife.”
“We’re not going out.”
“And why the hell not?!”
“Huh?”
“Jesus, for such a smart guy, you can be such an ass.”
“Bruce, what just happened here?”
“I think she called you a smart ass.”
“And people make fun of my sense of humor.”
At the Howard/Jackson Household
“Grandpa? You home?”
“Upstairs Nick.”
“Did Morty call you today?”
“Did you do something wrong?”
“Why don’t you ever answer any of my questions with anything other than a question?”
“No he didn’t call me. What did you do this time?”
“My homework.”
“Nick?”
“I pissed off one of my teachers.”
“Let me guess, Bower?”
“Yup.”
“You know he’s just taking his frustration with your father out on you, right?”
“Yeah, Dad told me when I started high school. Something to do with underpants and super glue. You’d figure that Dad being dead would solve that problem.”
“Nick!”
“Sorry. Listen, if it’s alright with you, I’ll skip the potential speech tonight and head up to my room.”
“Ok, Dinner’s at six. You want Chinese or pizza?”
“I want you to learn how to cook.”
“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll learn to cook, when you manage to go a whole week without seeing Morty.”
“Touché old man, Touché. And he doesn’t like it when people call him Morty.”
“He doesn’t like it when you call him Morty. He actually likes me.”
“Then why don’t you marry him?”
“Because he reminds me too much of Joan Rivers.”
SLAM
“Oye, now I know where I get my sense of humor. And now, I get to try to hold a civilized conversation online with a girl who a few hours ago all but professed her love to me. Oh it is a glory to be me.”
ELiz: He call?
Nicholost: Nope. He probably figured that I’d tell Grandpa anyway.
ELiz: Did you?
Nicholost: Of course. Had to run interference. Buy some points by coming forward.
ELiz: Smart.
Nicholost: For an Ass.
ELiz: About that…
Nicholost: You want me. I can’t say I blame you.
ELiz: Save it. I was just trying to get your attention.
Nicholost: Sure you were.
ELiz: God! You are such a guy.
Nicholost: Well, if I wasn’t, that’d make you a lesbian.
ELiz has logged off
“That went better than I hoped. Too bad I can’t tell her how I feel. God! I’d sell my soul to the devil for a little control over my life.”
“You rang?”