My Complaint...

[Solario]

My Complaint about Xanatos!

Within the compass of this letter, I can do no more than indicate, as concisely as I can, relevant considerations that must be taken into account if we are to discuss Xanatos's atrabilious put-downs in a rational manner. To get immediately to the point, if one believes statements like, "We should all bear the brunt of Xanatos's actions," one is, in effect, supporting tasteless, discourteous prevaricators. We should agree on definitions before saying anything further about his intrusive ideals. For starters, let's say that "ageism" is "that which makes Xanatos yearn to promote the total destruction of individuality in favor of an all-powerful group."

His perspective is that he acts in the public interest. My perspective, in contrast, is that Xanatos is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when revolting, insecure ivory-tower academics squeeze every last drop of blood from our overworked, overtaxed bodies. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that Xanatos's way of life is correct and everyone else's isn't. And fear of warped extremists like Xanatos who blend together isolationism and colonialism in a train wreck of monumental proportions. If he can't stand the heat, he should get out of the kitchen. While Xanatos puts on a good dog and pony show, it is my opinion, as well as that of the courts, dozens of professional organizations, and numerous religious leaders, that his peons have shared the rostrum with the most deluded manipulators of the public mind you'll ever see at recent symposia. In view of that, it is not surprising that honor means nothing to him. Principles mean nothing to him. All he cares about is how to turn once-flourishing neighborhoods into zones of violence, decay, and moral disregard.

Some people say that that isn't sufficient evidence to prove that he is secretly scheming to spam the Internet with gutless e-mail. And I must agree; one needs much more evidence than that. But the evidence is there, for anyone who isn't afraid to look at it. Just look at the way that questions of his motivation and intent are compelling. And that's why I'm writing this letter; this is my manifesto, if you will, on how to drive off and disperse the stuck-up flakes who take us over the edge of the abyss of sesquipedalianism. There's no way I can do that alone, and there's no way I can do it without first stating that he maliciously defames and damagingly misrepresents everyone and everything around him. There's a word for that: libel. Unless we reach out for things with permanence, things beyond wealth and comfort and pleasure, things that have real meaning, our whole social structure will gradually disintegrate and crumble into ruins. Now that I've had time to think hard about Xanatos's equivocations, my only question is this: Why? Why condone universal oppression? We should be able to look into our own souls for the answer. If we do, I suspect we'll find that Xanatos is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to his jeremiads. I appear to have gotten ahead of myself here. Surprisingly, the courts and our elected officials are way ahead of him in embracing this simple fact. Now that this letter has come to an end, I hope you walk away from it realizing that I've never encountered anything as dishonest as Xanatos's jokes.



Go join me in complaining! here! (http://www.pakin.org/complaint) :D

[IamLink]

XD I thought you were serious, lol...I gotta try that.


My Complaint about President Sebastian Kain!

I've tried to keep quiet, but I just can't hold it in any longer. I have to tell everyone that Pres. Sebastian Kain would swear on a stack of Bibles that he has a duty to conceal the facts and lie to the rest of us, under oath if necessary, perjuring himself to help disseminate the True Faith of demagogism. Before I begin, let me point out that he lacks the courage to confront me face-to-face. But you knew that already. So let me add that if you were to try to tell his vassals that he demonstrates a terrible, inaccurate, even fickle, misuse of history with his flagitious shell games, they'd close their eyes and put their hands over their ears. They are, as the psychologists say, in denial. They don't want to hear that ageism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge. I challenge Pres. Kain to point out any text in this letter that proposes that crapulous, high-handed hatemongers and socially inept slaves to fashion should rule this country. It isn't there. There's neither a hint nor a suggestion of such a thing. It's astounding that he has somehow found a way to work the words "eulamellibranchiate" and "histomorphologically" into his apothegms. However, you may find it even more astounding that his forces believe that he has a "special" perspective on exclusionism which carries with it a "special" right to insult my intelligence. Although it is perhaps impossible to change the perspective of those who have such beliefs, I wish nevertheless to shape a world of dignity and harmony, a world of justice, solidarity, liberty, and prosperity. Think of Pres. Kain's quips as being the sum of two components: an infantile component that consists of Pres. Kain's desire to prey on people's fear of political and economic instability and a bumptious component that consists of everything else. We are concerned primarily with the former.

Pres. Kain's worshippers perpetrate all kinds of atrocities while alleging that they are simply not capable of such activities and that therefore, the atrocities must be the product of my and your feverish and overworked imaginations. While scummy, smarmy ne'er-do-wells have previously relied on violence to get their way, their new manipulation of meddlesome commentaries has combined with violence to parlay personal and political conspiracy theories into a multimillion-dollar financial empire. Although I respect Pres. Kain's right to free speech just as I respect it for crotchety, biased lowbrows, callow, laughable mafia dons, and the most uninformed despots I've ever seen, I take no part in any argument over these or any other views. We can therefore extrapolate that if we don't work beyond the predatory plasticity of his communications right now, then Pres. Kain's writings will soon start to metastasize until they create a Frankenstein's monster. Regardless of the theoretical beauty of the notion that only confused Machiavellians are capable of imagining that Pres. Kain's decisions are based on reason, there is the opposing fact that everybody is probably familiar with the cliche that relative even to dotty nonentities, Pres. Kain is more excitable, more violent, less sexually restrained, more impulsive, more prone to crime, less altruistic, less inclined to follow rules, and less cooperative. Well, there's a lot of truth in that cliche. Having said that, let me add that his threats are like an enormous Fabianism-spewing machine. We must begin dismantling that structure. We must put a monkey wrench in its gears. And we must detail the specific steps and objectives needed to thwart Pres. Kain's brutish little schemes, because in the genesis of Pres. Kain's prevarications, morally repugnant begat debauched, which begat meretricious, which begat malodorous. That's pretty transparent. What's not so transparent is the answer to the following question: Is it really Pres. Kain's impression that all major world powers are controlled by a covert group of "insiders"? A clue might be that his encomiasts maintain that he is the ultimate authority on what's right and what's wrong. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. Pres. Kain would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being mephitic.

If Pres. Kain believes that there should be publicly financed centers of anti-intellectualism, then it's obvious why he thinks that cultural tradition has never contributed a single thing to the advancement of knowledge or understanding. Anyone who follows today's debates on larrikinism and, by happenstance, is also familiar with Pres. Kain's intolerant manifestos, is struck by that old truism: Pres. Kain is trying to marginalize me based on my gender, race, or religion. His mission? To ridicule, parody, censor, and downgrade opposing ideas. He should practice what he preaches. That being the case, we can infer that his proposed social programs symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion -- extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. To wrap up, I'll just hit the key elements of this letter one last time. First, the sun has never shone on a more belligerent and witless person than Pres. Sebastian Kain. Second, until recently, Pres. Sebastian Kain's apologues have gone unnoticed and unanalyzed. And finally, nothing makes my blood boil more than seeing him separate people from their roots and cut their bonds to their natural communities.

[BvS]

My Complaint about Xanatos!...etc

You had me convinced until you posted the link.

[IamLink]

Same here. lol...

[Solario]

That's the brilliance of the whole thing! :D

[Masked Revenger]

Allow me to add my thoughts on Xanatos.

The theme of this letter is not "I don't think it is a mere coincidence that Xanatos's primary motivation is self-enrichment at our expense." By now, you've already heard countless arguments running in that vein and are probably pretty sick of them. The theme of this letter is "I find it sickening to watch Xanatos dig a grave in which to bury liberty and freedom." Let's start with my claim that if I had my druthers, he would never have had the opportunity to trivialize certain events that are particularly special to us all. As it stands, a central fault line runs through each of Xanatos's bruta fulmina. Specifically, what I just wrote is not based on merely a single experience or anecdote. Rather, it is based upon the wisdom of accumulated years, spanning two continents, and proven by the fact that I must admit that I've read only a small fraction of Xanatos's writings. (As a well-known aphorism states, it is not necessary to eat all of an apple to learn that it is rotten.) Nevertheless, I've read enough of Xanatos's writings to know that Xanatos believes that two wrongs make a right. That's just wrong. He further believes that the most obstreperous witlings I've ever seen should be fêted at wine-and-cheese fund-raisers. Wrong again! I am deliberately using colorful language in this letter. I am deliberately using provocative phrases that I hope will stick in the minds of my readers. I do ensure, however, that my words are always appropriate and accurate and clearly explain how all of Xanatos's expedients contain disloyal elements. The mere mention of that fact guarantees that this letter will never get published in any mass-circulation periodical that Xanatos has any control over. But that's inconsequential, because Xanatos seizes every opportunity to hammer a few more nails into the coffin of freedom. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, cannot believe this colossal clownishness. Any sane person knows that Xanatos's viewpoints always follow the same pattern. He puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin.

Don't give Xanatos's tirades a credibility they don't deserve. But I digress. In order to convince us that we should abandon the institutionalized and revered concept of democracy, Xanatos often turns to the old propagandist trick of comparing results brought about by entirely dissimilar causes. He has no discernible talents. The only things Xanatos has doubtlessly mastered are biological functions. Well, I suppose he's good at convincing people that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity, but I, for one, challenge Xanatos to point out any text in this letter that proposes that sin is good for the soul. It isn't there. There's neither a hint nor a suggestion of such a thing. One might conclude that he is determined to put as little thought as possible into solving the undeniable problems that our society is still facing with regard to Jacobinism. Alternatively, one might conclude that he should know better than to construct the spectre of a terrible armed threat. In either case, I'm not actually demanding revenge. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true.

I suppose it's predictable, though terribly sad, that destructive, power-drunk vermin with stronger voices than minds would revert to litigious behavior. But if it were up to Xanatos, schoolchildren would be taught reading, 'riting, and racism. Before I leave this issue, let me share an interesting finding from a recent poll: Four out of five people surveyed think that thanks to Xanatos, aberrant ruffians can now freely unleash an unparalleled wave of faddism. If you don't believe me, see for yourself. Following this line of logic, it would appear that it is not uncommon for him to victimize the innocent, penalize the victim for making any effort to defend himself, and then paint the whole cranky affair as some great benefit to humanity. Let me close by reminding you that the statements I made about Xanatos in this letter are in earnest. I will not equivocate. I will not excuse. I will not retreat a single inch. And I will be heard.

:D

Chris

[Jade_Dragon]

My God... it sounds like me...

[retreats into a corner wimpering]

[Apollinaris]

This proves that the robots will replace us all soon. That's right Andy Rooney, they're coming for you! :lol:

[The Widowed]

My complaint about Charon

Before Charon starts ripping tendons and ligaments with its typical knee-jerk reaction to my letters, it should realize that the passage of time will make it clear to even the more slow among us that I'd advise it to stop being so pharisaical. First off, I wonder what would happen if it really did abandon me on a desert island. There's a spooky thought. I imagine that Charon has made some imprecise statements and statements that ought to have had all sorts of qualifications and reservations attached to them. Now that that's cleared up, I'll continue with what I was saying before, that if you've never seen it subject human beings to indignities, you're either incredibly unobservant or are concealing the truth from yourself. You should never allow a day to go by in which you do not bring this fundamental truth to at least one new person. This is not rhetoric. This is reality. You may make the comment, "What does this have to do with unbridled tax cheats?" Well, once you begin to see the light, you'll realize that if the human race is to survive on this planet, we will have to present a noble vision of who we were, who we are, and who we can potentially be. It may be coincidence that Charon's crusades create profound emotional distress for people on both sides of the issue. It may be coincidence that they repeat the mistakes of the past. And it may be coincidence that they turn positions of leadership into positions of complacency. But that's a lot of coincidence!

It is true that the above statement is entirely suited to Charon, who here, as elsewhere, does not possess a single creative idea for the future, but exists only in the past, but there is a proper place in life for hatred. Hatred of that which is wrong is a powerful and valuable tool. But when Charon perverts hatred in order to grant a free ride to the undeserving, it becomes clear that its reasoning is circular and therefore invalid. In other words, it always begins an argument with its conclusion (e.g., that black is white and night is day) and therefore -- not surprisingly -- it always arrives at that very conclusion. If we contradict Charon, we are labelled shallow vandals. If we capitulate, however, we forfeit our freedoms. Can you really blame me for suggesting that to enter into philosophic disputations with such manipulative (or at least, money-grubbing) pettifoggers is both despicable and insufferable?

Even though Charon has aired its disapproval of being criticized, I still think that if it wants to be taken seriously, it should counter the arguments in this letter with facts, not illogical panaceas, personal anecdotes, or insults. On the other hand, it seems that no one else is telling you that the best way to warn the public against those feral opportunists whose positive accomplishments are always practically nil, but whose conceit can scarcely be excelled, is to create a world in which insurrectionism, antidisestablishmentarianism, and barbarism are all but forgotten. So, since the burden lies with me to tell you that, I suppose I should say a few words on the subject. To begin with, Charon demands obeisance from its emissaries. Then, once they prove their loyalty, Charon forces them to make higher education accessible only to those in the higher echelons of society. If you ever ask Charon to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed. All of this once again proves the old saying that at their mildest, Charon's allegations still manage to concoct a version of reality that fully contradicts real life.




So now Charon's an "it", huh? :D

[Xanatos]

I have been meaning to write this letter for some time now and, in light of recent developments, I believe it is appropriate. In the text that follows, I won't bother discussing the flaws in Statesman's logic, because he really doesn't use any logic. If you were to tell him that each of us should realize after a moment's thought that it is jealous and more than unsophisticated to believe that he has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature, he'd just pull his security blanket a little tighter around himself and refuse to come out and deal with the real world. Most of us think that he is extremely capricious. There's really no other conclusion you can reach.

I once had a nightmare in which Statesman was free to suck up to barbaric galoots. When I awoke, I realized that this nightmare was frighteningly close to reality. For instance, Statesman is the embodiment of everything petty in our lives. Every grievance, every envy, every meddlesome, domineering ideology finds expression in Statesman. Everybody is probably familiar with the cliche that I will never identify with prissy savages. Well, there's a lot of truth in that cliche. If Statesman has spurred us to establish clear, justifiable definitions of militarism and mandarinism, so that you can defend a decision to take action when his backers sully my reputation, then Statesman may have accomplished a useful thing. So, what in perdition does he think he's doing? I guess it just boils down to the question: Whatever happened to community standards? Well, I'm sure Statesman would rather conspire with evil than answer that particular question.

Behold what a nice, thick, fat lie it is when he denies ever having strived to dress up his profit motive in the cloak of selfless altruism. His reports are amalgams of popular themes among blockish poseurs, dangerous despots, and flagitious conspiracy theorists. But let's not quibble about that. The bottom line is that until recently, Statesman's practices have gone unnoticed and unanalyzed.

[Joe Schmoe]

My complaint about Capt. Crunch
Capt. Crunch has had his say, and this is mine. Before examining the present situation, however, it is important that I challenge Capt. Crunch's infernal, effete assumptions about merit. Considering that he has had it easy all his life, I find it almost laughable how Capt. Crunch remains oblivious to the fact that it strikes me as amusing that he complains about people who do nothing but complain. Well, news flash! Capt. Crunch does nothing but complain. Next time, Capt. Crunch, you may want to check your facts correctly.

He is not only sleazy, but he also lacks the self-control necessary to conform his behavior to reasonable norms. In a country like ours where emotionalism, interdenominationalism, and cronyism run rampant, we need laws to help enforce behavior that ought to be performed out of common sense, decency, and tolerance. That's something you won't find in your local newspaper, because it's the news that just doesn't fit. I'm sure you get my point here. You might say, "Besides being totally offensive and abusive, Capt. Crunch's catch-phrases are seriously defamatory." Fine, I agree. But Capt. Crunch hides behind the carefully managed prevarication that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day, so to speak. Lest you think that I'm talking out of my hat here, I should point out that many people who follow his sound bites have come to the erroneous conclusion that he is the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread. The truth of the matter is that many people are shocked when I tell them that Capt. Crunch draws obnoxious wastrels to him like rats to the Pied Piper of Hamelin. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I had thought everybody already knew that there are those who are informed and educated about the evils of antidisestablishmentarianism, and there are those who are not. Capt. Crunch is one of the uninformed, naturally, and that's why he says it is within his legal right to ruin my entire day. Whether or not he indeed has such a right, Capt. Crunch's reasoning is circular and therefore invalid. In other words, he always begins an argument with his conclusion (e.g., that he should undermine the current world order because "it's the right thing to do") and therefore -- not surprisingly -- he always arrives at that very conclusion.

To inform you of the grounds upon which I base my morals, I offer the following. I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness Capt. Crunch is mongering. We need to help you reflect and reexamine your views on Capt. Crunch. Speaking of which, I can't possibly believe his claim that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to devalue me as a person. If someone can convince me otherwise, I'll eat my hat. Heck, I'll eat a whole closetful of hats. That's a pretty safe bet, because I have a tendency to report the more sensational things that Capt. Crunch is up to, the more shocking things, things like how he wants to revive the ruinous excess of a bygone era to bounce and blow amidst the ruinous excess of the present era. And I realize the difficulty that the average person has in coming to grips with that, but his perspective is that all it takes to solve our social woes are shotgun marriages, heavy-handed divorce laws, and a return to some mythical 1950s Shangri-la. My perspective, in contrast, is that Capt. Crunch's wrongheaded prank phone calls preach fear and ignorance. Capt. Crunch then blames us for that. Now there's a prizewinning example of psychological projection if I've ever seen one. It behooves us to remember that prætorianism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge. While there is inevitable overlap at the edges of political movements, I will never give up. I will never stop trying. And I will use every avenue possible to enable adversaries to meet each other and establish direct personal bonds which contradict the stereotypes they rely upon to power their amoral ruses.

Capt. Crunch's propositions have merged with militarism in several interesting ways. Both spring from the same kind of reality-denying mentality. Both replicate the most psychotic structures of contemporary life. And both commit confrontational, in-your-face acts of violence, intimidation, and incivility. If you read Capt. Crunch's writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that the most valuable skill one can have is to be able to lie convincingly. But if you read his writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it's clear that I've never bothered him. Yet he wants to pollute the great canon of English literature with references to his loathsome, vitriolic bromides. Whatever happened to "live and let live"? It's good that you're reading this letter. It's good that you're listening to what I'm saying. But reading and listening aren't enough. You must also be willing to help me examine the social and cultural conditions that keep essential documents hidden from the public until they become politically moot.

Imagine getting a dollar every time Capt. Crunch said he wouldn't demonize my family and friends, but did so anyway. You'd be very, very rich. To enter into philosophic disputations with such profligate (or at least, hateful) so-called experts is both abysmal and meretricious. In reaching that conclusion, I have made the usual assumption that it has been said that if the country were overrun by sordid vindictive-types, we could expect to observe widespread discrimination in our daily lives -- stares from sales clerks, taxis that don't stop, and unwarranted license and registration checks by police. I believe that to be true. I also believe that the only winners in his games are ambulance services and funeral homes. Yes, I could add that he has overstated his case against me by alluding to an illusory past, but I wanted to keep my message simple and direct. I didn't want to distract you from the main thrust of my message, which is that Capt. Crunch should take all the bull-pucky he's been throwing at us and fertilize his garden with it. That should serve as the final, ultimate, irrefutable proof that I recently received some mail in which the writer stated, "Capt. Crunch chivvies what I call selfish enemies of the people to his side by convincing them that defeatism is the only alternative to solecism." I included that quote not because it is exceptional in any way, but rather, because it is typical of much of the mail I receive. I included it to show you that I'm not the only one who thinks that his "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude is caustic, because it leaves no room for compromise. The bulk of lecherous perverts are at least marginally tolerable, but not Capt. Crunch. He likes to distract people from serious analysis of the situation. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Capt. Crunch and his serfs will run for cover, like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must subject Capt. Crunch's anecdotes to the rigorous scrutiny they warrant. It is my job -- and your job, too -- to create a world in which particularism, fascism, and pessimism are all but forgotten. May we never forget this if we are to deny Capt. Crunch and his trained seals a chance to deprive individuals of the right to replace today's chaos and lack of vision with order and a supreme sense of purpose.

[Malibu Sally]

My complaint about The Widowed

I have a few points of contention with The Widowed. Although not without overlap and simplification, I plan to identify three primary positions on The Widowed's agendas. I acknowledge that I have not accounted for all possible viewpoints within the parameters of these three positions. Nevertheless, The Widowed demands obeisance from her backers. Then, once they prove their loyalty, The Widowed forces them to prevent me from sleeping soundly at night. If an attempt to create an intimidating, hostile, or demeaning environment isn't deranged, it certainly is self-righteous. She accuses me of being narrow-minded. Does she contend I'm narrow-minded because I refuse to accept her claim that she is always being misrepresented and/or persecuted? If so, then I guess I'm as narrow-minded as I could possibly be.

The Widowed wants us to feel sorry for the ethically bankrupt lumpenproletariats who scar little children's self-image. I claim we should instead feel sorry for their victims, all of whom know full well that you shouldn't let The Widowed intimidate you. You shouldn't let her push you around. We're the ones who are right, not The Widowed. Here's an idea: Instead of giving her the ability to make it impossible to disturb her bumptious, quixotic gravy train, why don't we weed out people like The Widowed who have deceived, betrayed, and exploited us? If we do, we'll then be able to eschew scurrilous, pushy authoritarianism.

Although I respect her right to free speech just as I respect it for duplicitous anthropophagi, ill-bred crooks, and the most obstinate half-wits you'll ever see, if I want to have a conniption, that should be my prerogative. I undoubtedly don't need The Widowed forcing me to. No matter how close she's come to making me abandon all hope, she won't be satisfied until she finds a way to let down ladders which the dictatorial, foolish, and sexist scramble to climb. We must overcome the fears that beset us every day of our lives. We must overcome the fear that she will pose a threat to personal autonomy and social development. And to overcome these fears, we must prescribe a course of action.

When was the last time you heard The Widowed mention that it is a dangerous folly to ignore the threat to democracy posed by what I call unbalanced, pharisaical derelicts? Probably never. That's why I am shocked and angered by her vitriolic improprieties. Such shameful conduct should never be repeated. Someone once said to me, "We must hold not only The Widowed, but also The Widowed's thralls, accountable for their counter-productive, lawless arguments." This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since.

I wonder what would happen if she really did add insult to injury. There's a spooky thought. If The Widowed would abandon her name-calling and false dichotomies, it would be much easier for me to nourish children with good morals and self-esteem. Her habitués accept her belligerent complaints without question. She and her sententious accomplices must laugh about this in private, knowing that she appears to have found a new tool to use to help her sugarcoat the past and dispense false optimism for the future. That tool is solecism, and if you watch her wield it, you'll definitely see why while we do nothing, those who sweep her peccadillos under the rug are gloating and smirking. And they will keep on gloating and smirking until we put an end to her evildoing.

There is no doubt that The Widowed will brainwash the masses into submission within a short period of time. Believe me, I would give everything I own to be wrong on that point, but the truth is that if The Widowed can't be reasoned out of her prejudices, she must be laughed out of them. If The Widowed can't be argued out of her selfishness, she must be shamed out of it. To put it crudely, she is completely gung-ho about obstructionism because she lacks more pressing soapbox issues. Better, far better, that Man were without the gift of speech than that he use it as The Widowed does. Better that Man could neither read nor write than have his head and heart perverted by the malign and snippy tommyrot that oozes from The Widowed's pen. And better that the cut of Man's coat and the number of his buttons were fixed by statute and enforced by penalties than that The Widowed should commit senseless acts of violence against anyone daring to challenge her stubborn prank phone calls. She has completely stepped off the deep end. That shouldn't surprise you when you consider that if she believes that everyone who doesn't share her beliefs is a vile, footling infidel deserving of death and damnation, then it's obvious why she thinks that her activities are Holy Writ.

The Widowed thinks that laws are meant to be broken. However, she is the most nutty, maladroit, and froward waste of genetic material in our society. My goal is to call for a return to the values that made this country great. I might not be successful at achieving that goal, but I undeniably do have to try.

I should add parenthetically that The Widowed doesn't reck one whit about how others might feel. To pretend otherwise is nothing but hypocrisy and unwillingness to face the more unpleasant realities of life. One may very well question whether her modes of thought are despised by everyone but presumptuous undesirables. Still, most people will eventually be convinced that she talks a lot about cronyism and how wonderful it is. However, she's never actually defined what it means. How can The Widowed argue for something she's never defined? It's an interesting question, and its examination will help us understand how The Widowed's mind works. Let me start by providing evidence that The Widowed not only lies, but she brags about her lying to her mercenaries. I am now in a position to define what I mean when I say that she and several groups of moonstruck grungy-types are in cahoots to reduce human beings to the status of domestic animals. What I mean is that there are those who are informed and educated about the evils of post-structuralism, and there are those who are not. The Widowed is one of the uninformed, naturally, and that's why I cannot, in good conscience, step aside and let mischievous dingbats ridicule, parody, censor, and downgrade opposing ideas. For proof of this fact, I must point out that time cannot change her behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which The Widowed can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, defy the law of the land. Because of The Widowed's stances, our schools simply do not teach the basics anymore. Instead, they preach the theology of brutish mandarinism.

I, not being one of the many misguided weasels of this world, do not find paroxysms that are pea-brained, bitter, and disrespectful to be "funny". Maybe I lack a sense of humor, but maybe as long as the beer keeps flowing and the paychecks keep coming, The Widowed's apologists don't really care that in public, she vehemently inveighs against corruption and sin. But when nobody's looking, she never fails to direct social activity toward philanthropic flim-flam rather than toward the elimination of the basic deficiencies in the organization of our economic and cultural life. All the same, The Widowed wants to attack my character. You know what groups have historically wanted to do the same thing? Fascists and Nazis. As part of her efforts to gain a mainstream following, she publishes the Journal of Morally crippled Hedonism. Included alongside articles discussing history, culture, art, religion, and philosophy are endorsements of her plans to send children to die as martyrs for causes that she is unwilling to die for herself. The largest problem, however, is that she pompously claims that this is the best of all possible worlds and that she is the best of all possible people. That sort of nonsense impresses many people, unfortunately. Neocolonialism doesn't work. So why does The Widowed cling to it? That is, why can't The Widowed value a diversity of approaches without needing to rank them as better and worse? After days of agonized pondering and reflection, I finally came to the conclusion that The Widowed's emissaries assert that anyone who dares to get her off our backs can expect to suffer hair loss and tooth decay as a result. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because The Widowed is a human leech dedicated to sucking the life out of our doomed corpses. I don't think anyone questions that. But did you know that I must surely reach out even to my most ostrich-like readers and show them how shooting one's mouth off in a public forum on the basis of flimsy facts is neither prudent nor smart?

Did you know that some feeble-minded con artists want to help The Widowed make all of us pay for her boondoggles? Others just want to ride the materialism bandwagon. In either case, I have to wonder where The Widowed got the idea that it is my view that merit is adequately measured by her methods and qualifications. This sits hard with me, because it is simply not true, and I've never written anything to imply that it is. In closing, I am unquestionably horrified by The Widowed's devotion to the idea of a benevolent dictatorship of a self-appointed elite. :neener:

[Chain Lightning]

My complaint about Frost Sampson

I have facts for those who think and arguments for those who reason. For openers, someone just showed me a memo supposedly written by Frost Sampson. The memo spells out his plans to incite young people to copulate early, often, and indiscriminately. If this memo is authentic, it tells us that we are observing the change in our society's philosophy and values from freedom and justice to corruption, decay, cynicism, and injustice. All of these "values" are artistically incorporated in one person: Frost Sampson. One may very well question whether he can make no claim to a distinguishing talent of any kind. Still, most people will eventually be convinced that "Frost" has now become part of my vocabulary. Whenever I see someone overthrow the government and eliminate the money system, I tell him or her to stop "Frost-ing". It may be obvious but should nonetheless be acknowledged that I once had a nightmare in which he was free to cheat on taxes. When I awoke, I realized that this nightmare was frighteningly close to reality. For instance, the first response to this from Frost's bedfellows is perhaps that arriving at a true state of comprehension is too difficult and/or time-consuming. Wrong. Just glance at the facts: I no longer believe that trends like family breakdown, promiscuity, and violence are random events. Not only are they explicitly glorified and promoted by Frost's hopeless press releases, but his brethren are quick to point out that because he is hated, persecuted, and repeatedly laughed at, Frost is the real victim here. The truth is that, if anything, Frost is a victim of his own success -- a success that enables Frost to acquire power and use it to indoctrinate catty grifters.

There are three points I need to make here. First, the world has a surplus of stupidity. Second, I will let Frost's record speak for itself. And third, Frost is typical of frightful mystics in his wild invocations to the irrational, the magic, and the fantastic to dramatize his invectives. If you want a better opportunity to get a job, raise a family in a safe neighborhood, have a better chance at a good education, and lower the taxes on the money you earn, then I ask that you help me promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad.

We have a dilemma of leviathan proportions on our hands: Should we encourage our spirits to soar, or is it sufficient to open minds instead of closing them? Well, I asked the question, so I should answer it. Let me start by saying that once people obtain the critical skills that enable them to think and reflect and speculate independently, they'll realize that Frost shouldn't dominate or intimidate others. That's just plain common sense. Of course, the people who appreciate his ballyhoos are those who eagerly root up common sense, prominently hold it out, and decry it as poison with astonishing alacrity. If you can go more than a minute without hearing Frost talk about propagandism, you're either deaf, dumb, or in a serious case of denial. While there's no use crying over spilled milk, he is completely unaware of the difference between a correlation and a causation. Frost's cat's-paws probably don't realize that, because it's not mentioned in the funny papers or in the movies. Nevertheless, I am not fooled by his unimaginative and eristic rhetoric. I therefore gladly accept the responsibility of notifying others that Frost dreams of a time when he'll be free to conduct business in a destructive, self-pitying way. That's the way he's planned it, and that's the way it'll happen -- not may happen, but will happen -- if we don't interfere, if we don't put an end to blasphemous cynicism. Once it becomes clear that Frost is the hidden hand behind all modern cataclysms, it becomes apparent that Frost's true goal is to seek temporary tactical alliances with fetishism-prone pop psychologists in order to deprive people of dignity and autonomy. All the statements that his coadjutors make to justify or downplay that goal are only apologetics; they do nothing to reinforce the contentions of all reasonable people and confute those of gloomy pissants. It may seem excessive to note that Frost Sampson's primary motivation is self-enrichment at our expense. And that's the honest truth.

[Vendel]

Seldom does an event take place which is such an outrage that the silent majority stands up and demands action. But the silent majority is currently demanding that something be done about Mr. Vendel. Some background is in order: Vendel truly believes that the Universe belongs to him by right. It is just such horny, incorrigible megalomania, hate-filled egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs Vendel to construct the spectre of a terrible armed threat. Conventional wisdom states that he harbors persistent and inappropriate anger. Sadly, lack of space prevents me from elaborating further. The costs of Vendel's ebullitions outweigh their benefits. That sounds really craven, but I suspect that it's an accurate assessment of the situation.

We must bear this bitter truth coolly and soberly in mind, and every intellectually honest person knows it. Should we sit back and let Vendel convert lush forests into arid deserts, or should we go placidly amid the noise and haste? That choice sure sounds like a no-brainer to me. "What's that?", I hear you ask. "Is it true that only malicious scatterbrains are capable of imagining that granting him complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air?" Why, yes, it is.

To those disdainful Philistines who think that laws are meant to be broken, know this: I sometimes ask myself whether the struggle to express my views is worth all of the potential consequences. And I consistently answer by saying that Vendel thinks it would be a great idea to compromise the free and open nature of public discourse. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. More concretely, he is utterly versipellous. When he's with plebeians, Vendel warms the cockles of their hearts by remonstrating against interdenominationalism. But when he is safely surrounded by his goons, Vendel instructs them to threaten national security. That type of cunning two-sidedness tells us that if Vendel continues to suppress all news that portrays him in a bad light, I will be obliged to do something about him. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations. His platitudes are based on hate. Hate, exclusionism, and an intolerance of another viewpoint, another way of life. If you read Vendel's writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that Vendel has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature. But if you read his writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it's clear that his spin doctors are quick to point out that because he is hated, persecuted, and repeatedly laughed at, Vendel is the real victim here. The truth is that, if anything, Vendel is a victim of his own success -- a success that enables Vendel to purge the land of every non-diabolic person, gene, idea, and influence. Who among you reading these words is not moved to fight scurrility and slander?

Given the amount of misinformation that Vendel is circulating, I must point out that if he bites me, I will bite back. The really interesting thing about all this is not that his language is turgid and incomprehensible. The interesting thing is that his functionaries actually believe the bunkum they're always mouthing. That's because these sorts of brutish wackos are idealistic, have no sense of history or human nature, and they think that what they're doing will improve the world in a lustrum or two. In reality, of course, my dream is for tired eyes to open and see clearly, broken spirits to find new energy, and weary arms to find the strength to lift the fog from Vendel's thinking. Just to add a little more perspective, learning the truth can be a painful experience, especially for Vendel. Whatever weight we accord to that fact, we may be confident that Vendel is not as execrable or morbid as you might think. He's more so. One of the most mind-numbing mysteries for those of us who don't like Vendel is trying to understand people who do. Excuse me; that's not entirely correct. What I meant to say is that Vendel's claim that he can achieve his goals by friendly and moral conduct is factually unsupported and politically motivated. The hostility and boredom he is experiencing internally is quite evident externally. Or, to express that sentiment without all of the emotionally charged lingo, if he can overawe and befuddle a sufficient number of prominent individuals, then it will become virtually impossible for anyone to operate on today's real -- not tomorrow's ideal -- political terrain.

It takes more than a mass of self-serving extortionists to avoid the extremes of a pessimistic naturalism and an optimistic humanism by combining the truths of both. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to take a strong position on Vendel's stances, which, after all, create a Frankenstein's monster. Maybe Vendel has a reason for acting the way he does, but I doubt it. In my view, I need your help if I'm ever to set the stage so that my next letter will begin from a new and much higher level of influence. "But I'm only one person," you might protest. "What difference can I make?" The answer is: a lot more than you think. You see, Vendel is not interested in what is true and what is false or in what is good and what is evil. In fact, those distinctions have no meaning to him whatsoever. The only thing that has any meaning to Vendel is autism. Why? One might as well ask, "How can Vendel be so rabid?" The answer is not obvious, because it would be charitable of me not to mention that Vendel's latest harangues have arisen like a phoenix out of the ashes and failures of their pea-brained forebears. Fortunately, I am not beset by a spirit of false charity, so I will instead maintain that I want to make this clear, so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony -- and you know who I'm referring to -- can process my point. Anyhow, I guess I've run out of things to say, so let me just leave you with one parting wish: Together, may we deal with Mr. Vendel appropriately.

[Poison]

CoH Guru's community has recently made a number of people very, very angry, including me. However, as anger serves no function in a successful rebuttal, I will simply state objectively that writing letters like this one has earned me more hate mail from CoH Guru's community than you would care to hear about. I realize that some of you may not know the particular background details of the events I'm referring to. I'm not going to go into those details here, but you can read up on them elsewhere.

CoH Guru's community claims that its decisions are based on reason. I respond that its whitewash of the issue offers no real analysis of the situation that resulted in its stingy reinterpretations of historic events in the first place. CoH Guru's community had promised us liberty, equality, and fraternity. Instead, it gave us feudalism, Trotskyism, and elitism. I suppose we should have seen that coming, especially since I once overheard CoH Guru's community say something quite astonishing. Are you strapped in? CoH Guru's community said that 75 million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved the overpopulation problem of his 76-planet federation by transporting the excess people to Earth, chaining them to volcanoes, and dropping H-bombs on them. Can you believe that? At least its statement made me realize that if it thinks that it can make me have a conniption, then it's barking up the wrong tree.

By allowing CoH Guru's community to spawn delusions of scapegoatism's resplendence, we are allowing it to play puppet master. You may wonder why I shall do my utmost to nourish children with good morals and self-esteem. It's simply because if you're interested in the finagling, double-dealing, chicanery, cheating, cajolery, cunning, rascality, and abject villainy by which CoH Guru's community may demand that loyalty to egocentric know-nothings supersedes personal loyalty in the near future, then you'll want to consider the following very carefully. You'll especially want to consider that CoH Guru's community wants to fight with spiritual weapons that are as vapid as they are noxious. What's wrong with that? What's wrong is CoH Guru's community's gossamer grasp of reality. When all is said and done, our path is set. By this, I mean that in order to make this world a kinder, gentler place, we must address the legitimate anger, fear, and alienation of people who have been mobilized by CoH Guru's community because they saw no other options for change. I consider that requirement a small price to pay because my cause is to prevent the production of a new crop of gloomy, combative pests. I call upon men and women from all walks of life to support my cause with their life-affirming eloquence and indomitable spirit of human decency and moral righteousness. Only then will the whole world realize that either CoH Guru's community has no real conception of the sweep of history, or it is merely intent on winning some debating pin by trying to pierce a hole in my logic with "facts" that are taken out of context. CoH Guru's community should think about how its comments lead hate-filled, doctrinaire shysters to infantilize and corrupt the general public. If CoH Guru's community doesn't want to think that hard, perhaps it should just keep quiet. While reading this letter, you may have occasionally asked yourself, "Where is all of this leading?" and, "What is the point exactly?" I deliberately wrote in the style I did so that you may come up with your own conclusions. Therefore, I leave you with only the following: CoH Guru's community's hariolations have proven to be a complete disaster in both theory and practice.

[WingedAvenger]

People generally have strong views about John Tesh. The following paragraphs are intended as an initial, open-ended sketch of how bad the current situation is. Shame on him for thinking that people like you and me are footling!

He pompously claims that he does the things he does "for the children". That sort of nonsense impresses many people, unfortunately. For many reasons, too many and too complex to go into here at this time, I must say that Tesh is the type of person that turns up his nose at people like you and me. I guess that's because we haven't the faintest notion about the things that really matter, such as why it would be good for him to offer hatred with a pseudo-intellectual gloss.

The truth hurts, doesn't it, Tesh? I'm no expert, but it seems to me that by allowing him to disparage and ridicule our traditional heroes and role models, we are allowing him to play puppet master. Before you read this letter, you might have thought that people don't mind having their communities turned into war zones. Now you know that it is my job -- and your job, too -- to lend support to the thesis that John Tesh's few positive contributions will continue to be overshadowed by his broader message of hate.

[Randomus]

You won't hear about this in the media, but Your Mom's proposed social programs are some of the most heinous, frightful, and fogyism-oriented I've ever encountered. Before I get moving here, let me point out that I was personally offended -- and I don't easily offend -- by the value Your Mom places on making me play right into the hands of intolerant, shameless Luddites. That fact may not be pleasant, but it is a fact regardless of our wishes on the matter. Even though Your Mom gives flattering titles to its natural distempers, some organizations are responsible and others are not. Your Mom falls into the category of "not". Ironically, Your Mom contends that university professors must conform their theses and conclusions to its lackadaisical prejudices if they want to publish papers and advance their careers. Excuse me, but where exactly did this little factoid come from?

If there's a rule, and Your Mom keeps making exceptions to that rule, then what good is the rule? I mean, I like to speak of Your Mom as "flighty". That's a reasonable term to use, I maintain, but let's now try to understand it a little better. For starters, it is frightened that we might give you some background information about it. That's why it's trying so hard to prevent whistleblowers from reporting that what I call pompous mouthpieces for belligerent isolationism suffer from a collective self-image that prefers victimization to success and imposes a suffocating group conformity that ostracizes nonconformists. (Actually, it is determined to put as little thought as possible into solving the undeniable problems that our society is still facing with regard to vandalism, but that's not important now.) So maybe Your Mom's obiter dicta are colored by a sycophantic adoration of demagogism. Big deal. What's more important is that I don't care what others say about Your Mom. It's still wanton, slimy, and it intends to alter laws, language, and customs in the service of regulating social relations.

I frequently wish to tell Your Mom that it refuses to do anything for itself. But being a generally genteel person, however, I always bite my tongue. I believe that it can be safely said that the hate just keeps on coming. Your Mom holds onto power like the eunuch mandarins of the Forbidden City -- sterile obstacles to progress who incite an atmosphere of violence and endangerment toward the good men, women, and children of this state. I have the strength, ability, desire, and courage to put inexorable pressure on Your Mom to be a bit more careful about what it says and does. Do you? Your Mom doesn't let a day pass without showing to the world that is is as little fitted to be trusted with liberty as thieves with keys or children with firearms. The same holds true for sanctimonious grizzlers (especially the prolix type). Anyhow, I guess I've run out of things to say, so let me just leave you with one parting wish: Together, may we serve on the side of Truth.

[Malibu Sally]

Oh yeah? Well...

I certainly hope your Mother gives this letter five minutes of her precious cappuccino-sipping, cancer-stick-puffing time. So, without further ado, I present you with this all-important piece of information: I am now in a position to define what I mean when I say that your Mother doesn't give a damn about any of us. What I mean is that the question that's on everyone's mind these days is, "Where are the people who are willing to stand up and acknowledge that her responses to my attempts to address the continued social injustice shown by vainglorious sybarites generally involve crying, whining, and wrapping herself in a self-protecting mantle of superiority?" Let me give you a hint: She wants nothing less than to distract attention from more important issues, hence her repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of her mephitic, addlepated ultimata. Your Mother can blame me for the influx of sinful pip-squeaks if it makes her feel better, but it won't help her cause any. Her stratagems do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress. Let me close where I began: A leopard can't change its spots. :D

[Malibu Sally]

Damn you, Rand for beating me. :( ;)

[Randomus]

I am sorry. Mom jokes are a reflex for me.

[Malibu Sally]

I am sorry. Mom jokes are a reflex for me.

Yes. How dare you be blessed with faster comebacks. :shinner: :D

So..........

I am not short on words, so please bear with the length of this letter. With this letter, I hope to build bridges where in the past all that existed were moats and drawbridges. But first, I would like to make the following introductory remark: My cause is to develop an alternative community, a cohesive and comprehensive underground with a charter to address the continued social injustice shown by unpatriotic dopeheads. I call upon men and women from all walks of life to support my cause with their life-affirming eloquence and indomitable spirit of human decency and moral righteousness. Only then will the whole world realize that one of history's clearest lessons is that Mr. Egon McFlynt's sense of humor runs the gamut from rude and crude to backwards and prodigal. Whatever weight we accord to that fact, we may be confident that McFlynt labels anyone he doesn't like as "appalling". That might well be a better description of him. McFlynt's true goal is to censor by caricature and preempt discussion by stereotype. All the statements that his loyalists make to justify or downplay that goal are only apologetics; they do nothing to reverse the devolutionary course McFlynt has set for us. Now, I'm going to be honest here. The first lies that he told us were relatively benign. Still, they have been progressing. And they will continue to progress until there is no more truth; McFlynt's lies will grow until they blot out the sun.

Though many people agree that we must work together against onanism, priggism, factionalism, etc., a colleague recently informed me that a bunch of imprudent vendors of gangsterism and others in McFlynt's amen corner are about to reduce human beings to the status of domestic animals. I have no reason to doubt that story because one does not have to make today's oppressiveness look like grade-school work compared to what McFlynt has planned for the future in order to hold out the prospect of societal peace, prosperity, and a return to sane values and certainties. It is a demented person who believes otherwise. The notion that he can be reformed into an upright and honorable person may be a pleasant and attractive thought. But people who believe that this can happen should ask it of Santa Claus, in whom they doubtless also believe.

To add another dimension to this argument, let me mention that some people think it's a bit extreme of me to express our concerns about McFlynt's irresponsible witticisms -- a bit over the top, perhaps. Well, what I ought to remind such people is that McFlynt is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, he has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people he desires to lead. When I first became aware of his covert invasion into our thought processes, all I could think was how McCarthyism, as a social philosophy, is simple-minded. There's nothing controversial about that view. It's a fact, pure and simple. It was a fact long before anyone realized that "McFlynt" has now become part of my vocabulary. Whenever I see someone leave helpless citizens afraid in the streets, in their jobs, and even in their homes, I tell him or her to stop "McFlynt-ing". Once people obtain the critical skills that enable them to think and reflect and speculate independently, they'll realize that like a verbal magician, McFlynt knows how to lie without appearing to be lying, how to bury secrets in mountains of garbage-speak. I heard through the grapevine that justice isn't served when his crimes go unpunished. Whether or not this rumor is true, I have absolutely no idea why McFlynt makes such a big fuss over cameralism. There are far more pressing issues that present themselves and that should be discussed, debated, and solved -- issues such as war, famine, poverty, and homelessness. There is also the lesser issue that McFlynt owes us all an apology. In fact, I have said that to McFlynt on many occasions, and I will keep on saying it until he stops trying to defile the air and water in the name of profit. The devil not only finds too much mischief for idle hands to do, but increasingly in our contemporary world, he causes subhuman New Age prevaricators to let down ladders which the moonstruck, virulent, and overbearing scramble to climb. If you wonder why I take the stance that I do, it's because McFlynt rarely tells his cult followers that he plans to deny us the opportunity to promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. McFlynt does, and that's why I have a New Year's resolution for him: He should pick up a book before he jumps to the possession-obsessed conclusion that he is omnipotent. Let me end by appealing to our collective sense of humanity: When all discoverable facts and experience fly in the face of Mr. Egon McFlynt's sinister world view, he stubbornly holds onto his ignorance as his birthright. :shinner: :cool: :p

[Gold Rush]

I am not short on words, so please bear with the length of this letter. In the text that follows, when I quote from the French Mimes, I will use the word "excrement" in place of another word which is now apparently permitted in general circulation publications, and which I have edited out. For proof of this ongoing tragedy, one has only to realize that most people don't realize that French Mimes have already revealed their plans to engulf the world in a dense miasma of diabolism. They revealed these plans in a manifesto bearing all of the hallmarks of having been written by a bunch of salacious, froward palookas. Not only is its manifesto entirely lacking in logic, relentlessly subjective, and thoroughly anecdotal, but it is immature and stupid of French Mimes to force us to adopt rigid social roles that compromise our inner code of ethics. It would be mature and intelligent, however, to appeal not to the contented and satisfied, but embrace those tormented by suffering, those without peace, the unhappy and the discontented, and that's why I say that most of you reading this letter have your hearts in the right place. Now follow your hearts with actions. If a modern Dante were to update the Divine Comedy, he would have to create a special circle in Hell for out-of-touch slaves to fashion who destroy the lives of good, honest people. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that we'll know soon enough just how fatuitous these types of lackwits can be? The only clear answer to emerge from the conflicting, contradictory stances that it and its lapdogs take is that it is unable to deal with a world populated by human beings.

Should someone think that I am saying too much, I am not saying too much, but much too little. For if French Mimes can't be reasoned out of their prejudices, they must be laughed out of them. If French Mimes can't be argued out of their selfishness, they must be shamed out of it. There is no inconsistency here; I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness French Mimes are mongering. We need to make French Mimes answer for their wrongdoings.

Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Of course, if French Mimes had learned anything from history, it'd know that they mime the word "antiprestidigitation" without ever having taken the time to look it up in the dictionary. Organizations that are too lazy to get their basic terms right should be ignored, not debated. We are at a crossroads. One road leads into the light of a bright, shining future in which insolent mafia dons like French Mimes are totally absent. The other road leads into the darkness of cameralism. The question, therefore, is: Who's driving the bus? First, I'll give you a very brief answer and then I'll go back and explain my answer in detail. As for the brief answer, French Mimes have announced their intentions to make bargains with the devil. While doing so may earn French Mimes a gold star from the mush-for-brains jingoism crowd, an organization that wants to get ahead should try to understand the long-range consequences of their actions. French Mimes have never had that faculty. They always do what they want to do at the moment and figure it'll be able to lie themselves out of any problems that arise. As something that enjoys miming out words words like "counterdemonstration" and "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" as a smoke screen to hide their plaints' inherent paradoxes, French Mimes must indeed be at a loss when someone presents a logical counterargument to their illogical fulminations. French Mimes whine about shabby peddlers of snake-oil remedies, yet it enthusiastically supports disloyal ideologues. French Mimes' comments are geared toward the continuation of social stratification under the rubric of "tradition". Funny, that was the same term that their hirelings once used to insist that our society be infested with ruffianism, boosterism, feudalism, and an impressive swarm of other "isms".

French Mimes' helpers are too lazy to break the spell of great expectations that now binds domineering imbeciles to French Mimes. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that a colleague recently informed me that a bunch of pugnacious, snivelling Neanderthals and others in French Mimes' amen corner are about to make all of us pay for French Mimes' numerous boondoggles. I have no reason to doubt that story because to believe that I'm too counter-productive to show principle, gumption, verve, and nerve is to deceive ourselves. Unfortunately, French Mimes' hypocritical, pathetic philosophies neglect to take one important factor into consideration: human nature. One wonders how French Mimes can complain about subhuman deluded-types, given that their own disquisitions also aim to intensify race hatred. Do not let inflammatory rhetoric and misleading and inaccurate statements decide your position on this issue. When I look back I think, "Some unprincipled con artists are hopelessly violent."

French Mimes periodically put up a facade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual. French Mimes unfairly lambaste people who are trying to do the best they can in a bad situation. But there is a further-reaching implication: Their pranks reek of post-structuralism. I use the word "reek", because the next time they decide to substitute rumor and gossip for bona fide evidence, they should think to themselves, cui bono? -- who benefits? There are two classes of people in this world. There are those who condition the public to accept violence as normal and desirable, and there are those who take away as many of its opportunities for mischief as possible. French Mimes fit neatly into the former category, of course. For future reference, French Mimes maintain that it's okay for them to indulge their every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole. Perhaps it would be best for them to awaken from their delusional narcoleptic fantasyland and observe that they mime a lot about barbarism and how wonderful it is. However, they've never actually defined what they means. How can French Mimes argue for something they've never defined? I don't pretend to know the answer, but I do know that the French Mimes' holier-than-thou attitudes promote a redistribution of wealth. This is always an appealing proposition for French Mimes's apparatchiks because much of the redistributed wealth will undoubtedly end up in the hands of the redistributors as a condign reward for their loyalty to French Mimes. One final point: French Mimes are deliberately manipulating the facts and are bad dressers.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gold Rush

(I am impressed, but it's still not perfect. Our jobs are safe, Jade Dragon :) )

[Tsarmina]

Do you ever wake up in the morning thinking, "In every country, there are cranky drunks who are every bit as crazy as Jello Puddin' Pops?" Well, so do I. First things first: If Fate desired that Jello Puddin' Pops make a correct application of what he had read about incendiarism, it would have to indicate title and page number, since the snippy fool would otherwise never in all his life find the correct place. But since Fate does not do this, if the people generally are relying on false information sown by the most hostile heresiarchs I've ever seen, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. If you delve deeply into his bons mots and thus, in tranquil clarity, submit to contemplation the scribblings of callow-to-the-core, nasty dipsomaniacs, you will undoubtedly discover why we can all have daydreams about Happy Fuzzy Purple Bunny Land, where everyone is caring, loving, and nice. Not only will those daydreams not come true, but an armed revolt against him is morally justified. However, I aver that it is not yet strategically justified. If Jello Puddin' Pops had done his homework, he'd know that he is utterly mistaken if he believes that he acts in the public interest. I doubt we could beat this into his head, but my dream is for tired eyes to open and see clearly, broken spirits to find new energy, and weary arms to find the strength to throw down the gauntlet and challenge his operatives to knock some sense into him.

Show me where it says Jello Puddin' Pops has the right to trivialize the entire issue. He makes a virtue of irremediable fault, as if it made any difference. Just to add a little more perspective, he constantly insists that "the norm" shouldn't have to worry about how the exceptions feel. But he contradicts himself when he says that he is known for his sound judgment, unerring foresight, and sagacious adaptation of means to ends. If Jello Puddin' Pops gets his way, none of us will be able to think outside the box. Therefore, we must not let Jello Puddin' Pops ruin people's lives. I have had enough of his iconoclastic drug-induced ravings. Why do I tell you this? Because these days, no one else has the guts to. I close this letter along the same lines it opened on: For all Jello Puddin' Pops's bombast about freedom, liberty, and tolerance, he still wants to bribe the parasitic with the earnings of the productive.

[Charon]

I'm an it? :(

[Jade_Dragon]

There are some gems in here that might be missed in the sheer size of the paragraphs this thing generates:

"The passage of time will make it clear to even the more slow among us that I'd advise it to stop being so pharisaical."

"In a country like ours where emotionalism, interdenominationalism, and cronyism run rampant..."

"To enter into philosophic disputations with such profligate (or at least, hateful) so-called experts is both abysmal and meretricious."

"I didn't want to distract you from the main thrust of my message, which is that Capt. Crunch should take all the bull-pucky he's been throwing at us and fertilize his garden with it"

"You know what groups have historically wanted to do the same thing? Fascists and Nazis." (Ah! The Nazi Rule comes into effect! :D)

"Anyone who dares to get her off our backs can expect to suffer hair loss and tooth decay as a result"

"The memo spells out his plans to incite young people to copulate early, often, and indiscriminately"

"The really interesting thing about all this is not that his language is turgid and incomprehensible."

"It's simply because if you're interested in the finagling, double-dealing, chicanery, cheating, cajolery, cunning, rascality, and abject villainy by which CoH Guru's community may demand that loyalty to egocentric know-nothings supersedes personal loyalty in the near future..."

"So maybe Your Mom's obiter dicta are colored by a sycophantic adoration of demagogism. Big deal."

"The devil not only finds too much mischief for idle hands to do, but increasingly in our contemporary world, he causes subhuman New Age prevaricators to let down ladders which the moonstruck, virulent, and overbearing scramble to climb"

"In the text that follows, when I quote from the French Mimes, I will use the word "excrement" in place of another word which is now apparently permitted in general circulation publications, and which I have edited out."

"Of course, if French Mimes had learned anything from history, it'd know that they mime the word "antiprestidigitation" without ever having taken the time to look it up in the dictionary." (I like how the word "mime" was selected for use in the sentence apparently independent of the user-supplied subject)

"First, I'll give you a very brief answer and then I'll go back and explain my answer in detail." (Oh, please, don't! :D)

"As something that enjoys miming out words words like "counterdemonstration" and "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" as a smoke screen to hide their plaints' inherent paradoxes, French Mimes must indeed be at a loss when someone presents a logical counterargument to their illogical fulminations."




Also, I love this structure:

"First off, I wonder what would happen if it really did abandon me on a desert island. There's a spooky thought."

"I once had a nightmare in which Statesman was free to suck up to barbaric galoots. When I awoke, I realized that this nightmare was frighteningly close to reality."

"I wonder what would happen if she really did add insult to injury. There's a spooky thought."

"It may be obvious but should nonetheless be acknowledged that I once had a nightmare in which he was free to cheat on taxes. When I awoke, I realized that this nightmare was frighteningly close to reality."

[Esbat]

It is with extreme disgust that I write this letter and say what will indeed be considered asinine by some of my peers. Nonetheless, it must be stated that Mr. Twilight Eugene Rubinowitz III's drug-induced ravings are but a speck in a constellation of methodologies used by sadism to turn peaceful gatherings into embarrassing scandals. Although not without overlap and simplification, I plan to identify three primary positions on Mr. Rubinowitz's insinuations. I acknowledge that I have not accounted for all possible viewpoints within the parameters of these three positions. Nevertheless, if we are to follow knowledge like a sinking star beyond the utmost bound of human thought, then we must be guided by a healthy and progressive ideology, not by the spiteful and irritating ideologies that Mr. Rubinowitz promotes. He has commented that he can absorb mana by devouring his nemeses' brains. I would love to refute that, but there seems to be no need, seeing as his comment is lacking in common sense. Mr. Rubinowitz intends to create a new social class. Dim-witted sadistic-types, silly, gruesome possession-obsessed-types, and cantankerous devil-worshippers will be given aristocratic status. The rest of us will be forced into serving as their helots.

On the other hand, he and I disagree about our civic duties. I insist that we must do our utmost to knock some sense into Mr. Rubinowitz as expeditiously as possible. Mr. Rubinowitz, on the other hand, believes that his perorations can give us deeper insights into the nature of reality. While he has a right, as do we all, to believe whatever he wants about elitism, if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong. Help me set the stage so that my next letter will begin from a new and much higher level of influence. Join your hands with mine in this, the greatest cause of our time.

[Gaia]

My complaint about The Evil Taxibot

After hearing The Evil Taxibot say that she has her moral compass in tact, I felt that someone needed to write a dissenting opinion. For the sake of review, last summer, I attempted what I knew would be a hopeless task. I tried to convince The Evil Taxibot that denominationalism is a crime, an outrage, and a delusion. As I expected, The Evil Taxibot was completely unconvinced. This is the precondition for my crusade against audacious solecism. To pretend otherwise is nothing but hypocrisy and unwillingness to face the more unpleasant realities of life. There is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil people like The Evil Taxibot.

She obviously didn't have to pass an intelligence test to get to where she is today, because her knowledge of how things work is completely off the mark. First of all, The Evil Taxibot has commented that a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have. I would love to refute that, but there seems to be no need, seeing as her comment is lacking in common sense. A deep, ineradicable hatred of everything that is not insensitive energizes her to incite racial hatred. With this central point cleared up, the rest of The Evil Taxibot's arguments are rendered moot, as she shouldn't scapegoat easy, unpopular targets, thereby diverting responsibility from more culpable parties. That would be like asking a question at a news conference and, too angry and passionate to wait for the answer, exiting the auditorium before the response. Both of those actions create widespread psychological suffering.

I would unquestionably not have thought it possible that before bothering us with her next batch of clumsy tricks, The Evil Taxibot should review the rules of writing a persuasive essay, most notably the one about sticking to the topic the writer establishes, but it's absolutely true. For the purpose of this discussion, let's say that it must be stated quite categorically that she knows perfectly well that it is not my goal to shrink the so-called marketplace of ideas down to convenience-store size, but the opposite. The Evil Taxibot vehemently denies that, of course. But she obviously would, because she is always prating about how the moon is made of green cheese. (She used to say that it is better that a hundred thousand people should perish than that she should be even slightly inconvenienced, but the evidence is too contrary, so she's given up on that score.) If I had to choose the most nugatory specimen from her welter of hotheaded gabble, it would have to be her claim that a book of her writings would be a good addition to the Bible. No matter what The Evil Taxibot thinks, she shouldn't encourage individuals to disregard other people, to become fully self-absorbed. That's just plain common sense. Of course, the people who appreciate her reinterpretations of historic events are those who eagerly root up common sense, prominently hold it out, and decry it as poison with astonishing alacrity. My comments about her can serve as a provisional response to her revenge fantasies until a more comprehensive treatment becomes available, yet comments like that don't sit well with amateurish, irresponsible hoodlums. This sort of vertiginous paradox is well known to most ultra-feeble-minded, foul whiners. In short, the central preconception in The Evil Taxibot's paranoid style is the belief in the existence of a vast, obtrusive, preternaturally effective international conspiratorial network designed to cause one-sided diatribes to be entered into historical fact.