Randomus
06-23-2005, 12:03 PM
CITY WATCH DISAPPEARS!
INVESTORS SCRAMBLE FOR MONEY, EXPLANATIONS
Tuesday, June 21st, 2005; Posted: 8:47 AM EST
PARAGON CITY, Rhode Island (PNN)-- A mysterious bright light at The Lookout has resulted in the disappearance of most of Reality TV Superheroes The City Watch. In the wake of this disaster, the franchise's stockholders search desperately for explanations and a new cash cow.
Following a decline in the popularity and profibility of the City Watch franchise, several members left the city to pursue other interests. The remaining few struggled to keep the show afloat, but profits plummeted and viewers left in droves for rival programs such as ATLAS TV and a website whose owner snuck a webcam into the Underground's sewer headquarters. Things looked bleak for The City Watch. It was hard to imagine it could get any worse.
Unfortunately for us all, it did. The City Watch has disappeared, along with the top ten floors of their skyscraper headquarters, The Lookout. Last night, a bright light dazzled heroes and villains alike at 2:43 AM. When it subsided, the top of the tower was missing. Rescue crews rushed into the building, but found it abandoned above the 30th floor. Those of the cast who had been living in the tower's penthouse suites were gone.
In a city known for temporal distortions and dimensional ruptures, this was not a strange occurence. So far, however, scientists have been unable to track the singularity that may have caused this event. For now, The City Watch is MIA.
Speculation on their message boards and other conspiracy theory sites all over the internet are alive with rumors that this is a publicity stunt. More die-hard fans maintain that The City Watch has ascended to heaven to sit alongside God in preparation for the Rapture.
This morning, City Watch Enterprises CEO Toshiro Kuwabatake held a press conference about the event and the rumors surrounding it. "Let me assure you all that this is no publicity stunt," Kuwabatake said. "Believe me. I only wish we had come up with something like this. As it is, the company is in a state of shock. Shareholders are scrambling to sell off their stock, fearing a complete crash in the wake of the disappearances." When asked if he was at all concerned about the fate of the heroes, Kuwabatake laughed. "Don't be ridiculous. Worry about The City Watch? Those guys are superheroes. They battle giant sewage monsters and repel interdimensional invasions every day before breakfast. Whatever has happened to them, they can handle it. I don't have to worry about them. I do have to worry about our profits."
Moments later, Kuwabatake shocked us with a stunning revelation. "That's why those of us who run the business have decided to take a more active role in generating revenue. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to announce the advent of a new reality show: The City Watch Executives! Several of us dusty old number crunchers will be suiting up in custom-made costumes-- or in some cases donning our old superhero guises-- and taking to the streets to fight crime."
Once order was regained, Kuwabatake continued with his explanation. "Trends have shown that The City Watch was most popular when it was just starting out, a fledgeling operation running on hope and spirit. We're going to re-capture that magic by bringing the public along as we go out into the world and learn how to be superheroes. We know everything there is to know about economics, marketing and management. It's time learned about the superhero business. Join us every Tuesday and Saturday as we learn the ropes of Paragon City's most popular passtime!"
At this point, Kuwabatake declined any further questions and adjourned the conference. Aides appeared to hand out flyers advertising the new team and its showtimes on Channel Four.
Is this a hoax? Was the whole act a publicity stunt as the rumors say? It appears these questions will have to wait, at least until tonight.
INVESTORS SCRAMBLE FOR MONEY, EXPLANATIONS
Tuesday, June 21st, 2005; Posted: 8:47 AM EST
PARAGON CITY, Rhode Island (PNN)-- A mysterious bright light at The Lookout has resulted in the disappearance of most of Reality TV Superheroes The City Watch. In the wake of this disaster, the franchise's stockholders search desperately for explanations and a new cash cow.
Following a decline in the popularity and profibility of the City Watch franchise, several members left the city to pursue other interests. The remaining few struggled to keep the show afloat, but profits plummeted and viewers left in droves for rival programs such as ATLAS TV and a website whose owner snuck a webcam into the Underground's sewer headquarters. Things looked bleak for The City Watch. It was hard to imagine it could get any worse.
Unfortunately for us all, it did. The City Watch has disappeared, along with the top ten floors of their skyscraper headquarters, The Lookout. Last night, a bright light dazzled heroes and villains alike at 2:43 AM. When it subsided, the top of the tower was missing. Rescue crews rushed into the building, but found it abandoned above the 30th floor. Those of the cast who had been living in the tower's penthouse suites were gone.
In a city known for temporal distortions and dimensional ruptures, this was not a strange occurence. So far, however, scientists have been unable to track the singularity that may have caused this event. For now, The City Watch is MIA.
Speculation on their message boards and other conspiracy theory sites all over the internet are alive with rumors that this is a publicity stunt. More die-hard fans maintain that The City Watch has ascended to heaven to sit alongside God in preparation for the Rapture.
This morning, City Watch Enterprises CEO Toshiro Kuwabatake held a press conference about the event and the rumors surrounding it. "Let me assure you all that this is no publicity stunt," Kuwabatake said. "Believe me. I only wish we had come up with something like this. As it is, the company is in a state of shock. Shareholders are scrambling to sell off their stock, fearing a complete crash in the wake of the disappearances." When asked if he was at all concerned about the fate of the heroes, Kuwabatake laughed. "Don't be ridiculous. Worry about The City Watch? Those guys are superheroes. They battle giant sewage monsters and repel interdimensional invasions every day before breakfast. Whatever has happened to them, they can handle it. I don't have to worry about them. I do have to worry about our profits."
Moments later, Kuwabatake shocked us with a stunning revelation. "That's why those of us who run the business have decided to take a more active role in generating revenue. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to announce the advent of a new reality show: The City Watch Executives! Several of us dusty old number crunchers will be suiting up in custom-made costumes-- or in some cases donning our old superhero guises-- and taking to the streets to fight crime."
Once order was regained, Kuwabatake continued with his explanation. "Trends have shown that The City Watch was most popular when it was just starting out, a fledgeling operation running on hope and spirit. We're going to re-capture that magic by bringing the public along as we go out into the world and learn how to be superheroes. We know everything there is to know about economics, marketing and management. It's time learned about the superhero business. Join us every Tuesday and Saturday as we learn the ropes of Paragon City's most popular passtime!"
At this point, Kuwabatake declined any further questions and adjourned the conference. Aides appeared to hand out flyers advertising the new team and its showtimes on Channel Four.
Is this a hoax? Was the whole act a publicity stunt as the rumors say? It appears these questions will have to wait, at least until tonight.