Rolly-Polly Deathmatch #13: Chick Fight!

[Nerfed]

The crew of the Serenity find themselves fleeing from the Alliance once more, they are sucked into the gravitational pull of a cosmic singularity that barely registers on their sensors. Instead of being crushed, the ship winds up in another time... perhaps an alternate timeline or parallel universe or even just temporally dislocated within their own universe. Realizing the wormhole was one-way, they set out to explore the new territory. With their own past experiences with the Alliance, the crew quickly finds themselves on the wrong side of the law with the United Federation. Deciding that, no matter how bad their own time and space is, its still home, the crew sets about learning what they can about this place and how they can get back. Stories about a great "evil" and a weapon whose power blasted through space to destroy it put the notion in their captain's head that with the power source behind that weapon, they might be able to achieve any goal... even forcing open the one-way passage that brought them here and reversing its direction. With time and dilligent research, they learn about the weapon and its five elements... the fifth one being a clone created by the government, a walking talking piece of the weapon's power. They find the girl and decide to kidnap her. Regardless of her origins, she's not "real," she's just something that was made... still, they don't intend to harm her either. They just need her and more knowledge about the weapon.

At the home of Corbin and Leeloo Dallas, a markedly improvement over his previous digs... Corbin heads to the door when he hears the doorbell. He opens a small hatch at face level to see a couple of determined, even unfriendly faces. Their leader asks, "Mr. Dallas? We need to talk." "Go ahead, talk," he says. "We're looking for someone you know, Mr. Dallas... red haired girl, powers a big space gun... sound familiar?" Corbin glares back, "Talk's over guys." He closes the hatch and presses a button on his home security panel... life's been good to Corbin Dallas since he helped save the universe. A moment later, Jayne kicks in the door and walks in. Mal walks in after him with gun drawn. "Please, Mr. Dallas, we don't mean no harm, we just need the girl's help to get back to our own 'verse." Corbin lunges for Mal, trying to take his gun away from him. The two struggle briefly until Jayne clubs Corbin from behind, knocking him unconscious. Leeloo enters the room to see Corbin on the floor with a pair of men ready to jump at her. Mal tries to calm her down, "Now look, we're tryin' to do this peaceful but he..." before he could finish his sentence, Leeloo somersaulted across the room and kicked him in the face. She grabbed Jayne's arm and twisted, bringing him to his knees with a pained cry from him, "Not again!" She dispatched the the two men in a quick, fluid motion so she could check on her man. Before she could see to Corbin's condition, however, someone else standing just outside the door stepped in. Three men on the floor... one girl ready to defend her man and home from invaders with fierce, unchecked passion and borderline superhuman physical prowess... the other girl sees two friends close as family disabled with remarkable ease, her combat programming recognizing a skilled and very probable lethal opponent.

Combatant #1

http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/5356/rivertamjt5.png

River Tam
(Serenity)

Radical brain experiments left her programmed to be a living weapon... conditioned for combat. To protect her brother (and friends), she single-handedly fought an onslaught of hyper-aggressive Reavers --wild men who will rape you to death, eat your flesh, and sew your skin to their clothing... and, if you're very lucky, it will be in that order. When the battle was over, only she was standing amongst their countless corpses.


Combatant #2

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/9279/leelooip4.jpg

Leeloo
(The 5th Element)

The "fifth element" needed to empower an ancient weapon that would fire holy light at the coming of the great evil that threatened all existance. Using skills she learned from watching Martial Arts on a view screen (along with a wealth of other information which she absorbed so quickly), she took on a room full of Mangalores --a warlike race of mercenaries who are bigger and stronger than most humans and possessed of a terrible attitude toward humanity since the Mangalore culture was devastated by the United Federation. Man-handling the mangalores with relative ease, Leeloo was only driven off and wounded when they resorted to firearms.








No guns and no other weapons beyond an improvised club or thrown object picked up from around the room. Each is fighting to protect loved ones from an unknowable danger. Fight!

[Nerfed]

Something to remember... neither the reavers nor the mangalores fight like either Leeloo or River, so both girls will have to fight each other differently than they did against multiple opponents.

River no longer seems controlled by her programming, having gotten past her mental issues... whereas Leeloo may be at a disadvantage in not having done anything to increase her prowess after the universe was saved. It was time to kick back and learn about love and all that stuff.

[The Widowed]

...or, to help this Deathmatch along:

Exhibit A: Riverjutsu (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=EHURxizhURI)

Exhibit B: Lee Loo Fu (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=n0qy3JHz6X0)

That should help you goons with your research, eh? :D

[WingedAvenger]

As much as I love my Milla, I have to go with River on this one. She just seems to be able to flow with it better, whereas Leeloo's martial arts skill is somewhat more blocky. I'm also deducting points because Ultraviolet was one of the worst movies ever made. :P

BTW FYI, her name is Leeloo Multipass. And Korbin's name is spelled with a K.

[The Widowed]

Okay, it's time for me to weigh the evidence as I see it. :think:

The Power of One
River vs. the Reavers: One armed combatant vs. a mob of armed enemies.
River during the "Fruity Oaty Bars" incident: One unarmed combatant vs. a mob of unarmed, unsuspecting barflies.
Leeloo vs. the Mangalores: One unarmed combatant vs. a mob of enemies, some of them armed.

Edge: Leeloo


The Arms Race
Reavers: Didn't have guns.
Mangalores: Had guns.

Edge: Leeloo


Raw Aggression
Reavers: Were constantly swarming River.
Mangalores: Sometimes just stood there.

Edge: River


Source of Fightin' Mojo
River: Being the unwilling victim of a neurological experiment.
Leeloo: Being the Supreme Being with a godlike learning capacity.

Edge: Leeloo


So, in my book, Leeloo bests River by a margin of three to one here.

Looking at it from my very nerdlike perspective, River is the Fighter class from D&D, while Leeloo's the Monk...and the fighter can keep pace with the monk right up until the two of them run into a rust monster. As Leeloo has proven, she doesn't need weapons to kick ass...or to deprive her enemies of their weapons. So once Leeloo destroys or takes away River's axe and her sword, how greatly will River's fighting prowess be diminished? :think:


And just to appease you shallow voters (even though such trivia really doesn't factor into a fight):


Sexuality
River: Never gets naked.
Leeloo: Looks great naked.

Edge: Leeloo


Snappy One-Liners
River: "Miranda..."
Leeloo: "Leeloo Dallas Multipass!"

Edge: Leeloo


So there. :p

[iggy880]

I vote River, Leeloo has technically been recently born and all skills are just inherent no real practice. River has honed her combat skills a bit more, but still has the free form creativity, plus she is still psychic, right?

[Nerfed]

I vote River, Leeloo has technically been recently born and all skills are just inherent no real practice. River has honed her combat skills a bit more, but still has the free form creativity, plus she is still psychic, right?
Inherent? No. She gained her skills from merely watching martial artists on a view screen. Put her against River and its possible she might learn and adapt whatever skill River displays.

Also, good call on the who doesn't get naked and who looks great naked, Wids. That may sway my vote. :naughty:

[iggy880]

Inherent? No. She gained her skills from merely watching martial artists on a view screen. Put her against River and its possible she might learn and adapt whatever skill River displays.

Also, good call on the who doesn't get naked and who looks great naked, Wids. That may sway my vote. :naughty:

Forgot the watching thing but I will say River's psychic abilities still give an edge, to counteract the learning or something, and to be honest, on the getting nekkid I'd rather River to have in the end, even if she did not

[Nerfed]

As much as I love my Milla, I have to go with River on this one. She just seems to be able to flow with it better, whereas Leeloo's martial arts skill is somewhat more blocky. I'm also deducting points because Ultraviolet was one of the worst movies ever made. :P
Ultraviolet has no place in this discussion. :P back at you.
BTW FYI, her name is Leeloo Multipass. And Korbin's name is spelled with a K.
Okay, so I messed up Korbin's name... maybe he changed it (slightly) after saving the universe in order to hide and get some time alone with Leeloo for awhile. As for Leeloo's last name, I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt in eventually being able to learn what a multipass is and not keep calling herself that.
Okay, it's time for me to weigh the evidence as I see it. :think:

The Arms Race
Reavers: Didn't have guns.
Mangalores: Had guns.

Edge: Leeloo
Let's also keep in mind that the Reavers were armed with blades and other melee weapons, in addition to their most dangerous weapon: swarming with reckless abandon.

Raw Aggression
Reavers: Were constantly swarming River.
Mangalores: Sometimes just stood there.

Edge: River
Sure, they were standing still... because they had no idea how to attack Leeloo. River danced and flowed through battle because it was necessary and showed remarkable awareness of her foes at all times. Leeloo, despite her foes not swarming with reckless abandon, also knew where her opponents were at all times, even attacking one behind her without once having looked to see where it was.

Looking at it from my very nerdlike perspective, River is the Fighter class from D&D, while Leeloo's the Monk...and the fighter can keep pace with the monk right up until the two of them run into a rust monster. As Leeloo has proven, she doesn't need weapons to kick ass...or to deprive her enemies of their weapons. So once Leeloo destroys or takes away River's axe and her sword, how greatly will River's fighting prowess be diminished? :think:
No weapons. Of course, as you say, even if weapons are picked up during the course of the fight, how long either of them holds on to those weapons is a factor.

Snappy One-Liners
River: "Miranda..."
Leeloo: "Leeloo Dallas Multipass!"

Edge: Leeloo
Don't forget...

River: My turn.
Leeloo: Biiiig badda-boom.

[The Widowed]

BTW FYI, her name is Leeloo Multipass. And Korbin's name is spelled with a K.
No, it's more like Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat. But Leeloo Dallas is accurate enough; that's the name that Korbin gave her when he tried to pass her off as his wife, remember?

Read some quotes (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119116/quotes). :p

Sure, they were standing still... because they had no idea how to attack Leeloo.
One of them was carrying a rather important box with a rather important Stone inside (or what he thought was one of the four Stones, at least). He wasn't about to jeopardize the mangalores' control of that box no matter what. So there's his excuse. :D

Of course, if Leeloo's fighting is more "blocklike" (or however Wings put it) than River's fighting is, it's because River's basically swinging with berserker fury while Leeloo's carefully calculating and placing her shots...maximum effect for minimum effort. And conserving your stamina is important when fighting a long battle. Leeloo should be able to outlast River simply by evading, blocking or turning River's attacks with precise movements. And once River's exhausted from her own flurries of blows, it's lights out for River. >:]

River danced and flowed through battle because it was necessary and showed remarkable awareness of her foes at all times. Leeloo, despite her foes not swarming with reckless abandon, also knew where her opponents were at all times, even attacking one behind her without once having looked to see where it was.
True. Battlefield awareness can make or break a battle. River, do not try sneaking up on Leeloo. You will fail.


Don't forget...

River: My turn.
Leeloo: Biiiig badda-boom.
Leeloo still wins. :cool:

And on that superfluous note:

River: Fought without musical accompaniment.
Leeloo: Fought with a kickin' rad techno-operatic tune, courtesy of the Diva.

Edge: Leeloo :D

[Knightward]

Leeloo. Having the ultimate genetic collection of the human race has to amount to something, right? As for time training, Leeloo learns much, much faster, and they were never really clear about how long she's been around or how often she's been out of her human-shaped box saving the universe anyway, so the extent of her training is murky at best.

Besides, whereas River gave it her all when she fought, Leeloo was kicking large and powerful alien ass while goofing off. If she can do that much without taking it too seriously, I'm afraid of what she's capable of when she IS serious!

[The Icy One]

I love Fifth Element, but I gotta say from damage we've seen them do.. not factoring in the blasting away of Evil.. I'd give it to River.

[Nerfed]

I dunno, seems like you're looking at the two movies in how they portrayed the fight scenes. Sure, River has the advantage of a newer film with higher production values, probably a better fight coordinator, and more up-to-date special effects. But that's like wondering who would win in a fight between Batman and Captain America based on what artists were drawing each character... ignoring facts behind the characters and focusing on the "what looks cool" factor.

[The Widowed]

Was that addressed to Knight or to Icy? :think:

[Nerfed]

Icy

[WingedAvenger]

No, it's more like Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat.

You popped in the movie and watched that one scene specifically to type out what you heard, didn't you? :p

[The Widowed]

You popped in the movie and watched that one scene specifically to type out what you heard, didn't you? :p
No, I just consulted the movie's Quotes section on IMDb. :P

[Nerfed]

Its a bit early in the voting for me to show favoritism, but... I agree with pretty much every point Wids made. River has her strong points, but she just doesn't stack up well to Leeloo when all the facts are examined. River's fight scenes are more thrilling to watch, but that's just better directing, fight coordinatng, and special effects.

[The Icy One]

facts behind the characters and focusing on the "what looks cool" factor. I'm not focusing on anything other than the facts, and thats what we can see and know from the movies and television series. We've seen River do alot more fighting than Leeloo, granted Leeloo shows a somewhat heighted strength I still give it to River. She moves much more fluently because she is already bestowed with that talent, while Leeloo is still learning. You can argue coordinaters and all but then you too are looking past facts, because all we have to go by is whats presented to us.. that is the story and that is how it played out, theres no other artist to have another take on it.

Now, if we do start to assume things, like how this fight would be started I have theories.. and they still lead to River winning. Because let's face it, River is very docile.. so in order for her to start kicking any ass Leeloo would have to pose serious threat to her loved ones, or she'd have to be triggered. If River is activated through that trigger.. Leeloo would get her ass handed to her, and the quick learning lady wouldn't really have alot of time to learn before she'd be quite possibly dead.. along side those around her.

Our opinions obviously differ, but don't say I didn't consider the facts.. I'm lookin' at what we got. ;)

PS: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=3FJatsqNdf4&feature=related
I think the bar fight is much more significant than the Reavers, and she disarms and uses to her advantage a man with a knife and a man with a gun. Most of the fight, even with the suspecting opponents is done unarmed.

[Nerfed]

River moves fluidly because the actress is a dancer. River moves fluidly because that's how the fight coordinator trained her, using the talent she already possessed to bring that motion to the screen. River moves fluidly because that's how the director filmed and edited her scenes.

As for Leeloo still learning? Aren't we all until we go braindead? River dances around the reavers, chopping them to pieces or disarming half-drunken bar patrons, and you think she has nothing left to learn? I don't think the fight is as readily a forgone conclusion as you seem to, but I definitely put the advantages much more firmly in Leeloo's court.

[The Icy One]

I know Summer Glau is a dancer. I'm pretty sure your good with your decision to support Leeloo, and I'm good with mine for River. Your seem very gunho to fight for Leeloo and not putting up any support for River yourself, you just keep downplaying her with coordination.. it's a movie. I know Leeloo isn't defenseless, and it probably wouldn't be a ten second fight like you seem to think I'm insinuating. Either way what we think has no effect on what could be and won't ever be.. so dicussing it so vigorously isn't going to actually do anything. I like my conclusion, you like whatever your coming to.. the majority agrees with you.. does my opinion matter? Probably not, but I like to have it anyway.

[Akamaz]

"No Power in the 'verse can stop me"



Leeloo, despite her foes not swarming with reckless abandon, also knew where her opponents were at all times, even attacking one behind her without once having looked to see where it was.

in case you forgot about the episode of Firefly that the above River Quote came from, River took out three of Niska's guys while looking the other way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0rXL-YJ-50&feature=related

it's at about 1:48ish

[Akamaz]

what? no one else wants to debate this? :(

[WingedAvenger]

Well, the rules for this fantasy fight did state no guns, but I suppose that clip still speaks to her uncanny ability to be aware of her surroundings.

Although watching those clips again, it appears Leeloo may possess enhanced strength, which is something I hadn't considered when I voted.

[The Widowed]

what? no one else wants to debate this? :(
Hey, I've already said enough. Clearly Leeloo is the superior force to be reckoned with here. :p

[bpphantom]

Normally I'd say River because honestly, Summer is so much hawter and sexy when fighting... it's like a dance when she does it (because she's trained as a dancer). However, I had to vote for the Perfect Being with no physical or mental flaws.

[Nerfed]

I dunno... crazy people are dangerous in a fight.

[Nerfed]

what? no one else wants to debate this? :(
Debate? No, I guess not... Icy kinda spoiled my mood for healthy, fun debate.

[The Icy One]

Debate? No, I guess not... Icy kinda spoiled my mood for healthy, fun debate. Neener neener neener.. :P

Honestly I didn't want to debate was the problem, I just posted a retort because you thought I was mindlessly assessing the situation.. so I posted my views on why to recover from your "What looks cool." comment and try to give River a fighting chance that no one else was. I however harbor no ill feelings for the matter.. so feel free to debate with someone else.. :thumbup:

[Knightward]

I will admit that I'm biased due to my hate for Firefly (which has been explained several times here over the years anyway), but it didn't enter into the explaining I used.

[The Widowed]

See, this is why we normally try to make the Rolly-Polly Deathmatch polls last one week: because that's exactly as much time as it takes for folks to lose interest, at which point it's time to fold up the old Deathmatch and bust out a new one.

...and I'm volunteering for the next one.

Any objections? :p

[Nerfed]

I wouldn't mind starting a new poll each week, but I like keeping a poll open for longer than that time so stragglers can get their vote in. Someone start the next one.

[WingedAvenger]

See, this is why we normally try to make the Rolly-Polly Deathmatch polls last one week: because that's exactly as much time as it takes for folks to lose interest, at which point it's time to fold up the old Deathmatch and bust out a new one.

...and I'm volunteering for the next one.

Any objections? :p

G'head.