Drivers not wanted

[Meltman]

I posted this a long time ago on another message board (Solario might remember it), but recently I've gotten annoyed enough to want to repost it, so:

(edited for bad language)

Passing Zones:
If you're going 10 mph under the speed limit before a passing zone, don't speed up to 10 over the speed limit when I try to pass you and then slow back down to 10 under after the passing zone ends.

Tailgating:
You are an a**hole. Knock it the f*** off. If you have to get 2 feet behind me to go the speed you want, you're probably going TOO D*** FAST!

Turning:
If a sign reads no turn on red, it doesn't mean that it's okay to turn on red, and it certainly doesn't mean you can illegally pass me in the turning lane and go anyway.

Put on your d*** turn signal BEFORE you turn, I can't stress this enough.

If a sign says no turning from the shoulder, it means it.

If a sign says left lane must turn left, this does not mean that the left lane is a passing lane. DO NOT F***ING PASS HERE, no matter how much you want to go 20 over the speed limit.

Headlights:
(Pennsylvania Only): It's state law to turn on headlights in a construction zone, so f***ing do it you moron.

(Every state): Super bright custom headlights are really f***ing annoying when you shine them in my eyes. If you have your head beat in with a pipe iron, you have noone but yourself to blame.

If the sun's reflection off of your dashboard is brighter than your headlights, you probably don't need them on, dumba**.

Parking Lots:
It's generally not a good idea to be doing 40 mph inside of a parking lot. You are a dumba**.

For the love of God, please stop parking 2 feet inside the space infront or aside of you. You are also a dumba**. And don't come complaining to me when someone smashes into your f***ing car. (Hopefully they'll smash out those annoying super bright headlights while they're at it)

Pulling out:
If I have to slam on my breaks to avoid hitting you when you pull out infront of me, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE F***ING PULLED OUT INFRONT OF ME!

[The Widowed]

(Every state): Super bright custom headlights are really f***ing annoying when you shine them in my eyes. If you have your head beat in with a pipe iron, you have noone but yourself to blame.
Are you talking about those incredibly stupid (and incredibly bright) blue headlights? And not the ones which cast the usual orange-yellow light?

God I hate those things. I wish that fad would just shrivel up and die already. :grr:

[Meltman]

Are you talking about those incredibly stupid (and incredibly bright) blue headlights? And not the ones which cast the usual orange-yellow light?

God I hate those things. I wish that fad would just shrivel up and die already. :grr:

Yes, exactly those kind.

[Randomus]

Take the bus you sissies.

[TroubleWolf]

Lanes that end:
You know those signs that have one arrow going straight, and the other arrow kind of bent in toward the straight line? That means your lane is ending. If you get to the end of your little bent part of the street, the only thing you have left to do is F***ING MERGE. Don't just keep going straight, then look offended when I honk at you, like I'm the one who did something wrong. No, Moron, I was in the CORRECT F***ING LANE. You're the one who has the responsibility to merge. I chose to get in the correct lane so that I wouldn't have to stop and wait for a line of traffic to let me in. Know why? BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE THE F*** I'M GOING!

[Jade_Dragon]

We have a bad one here near where I work, where four lanes merge into two, right before a bridge. The inside is a turn only lane, but drivers still use it to pass and then merge into traffic. They left it like that after a construction, and hopefully they'll fix it, but right now it's a deathtrap.

[Gold Rush]

Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.

It seems I violate 2 of Meltman's rules of the road.

Namely turn signals (I get lazy; need to correct that, although there is a certain road psychology here that penalizes you somewhat for warning others of your intent to go into their lane of traffic).

I don't do tailgating too much. Only when I am speeding in the fast lane (especially on interstate highways) and someone spies me in the rearview mirror speeding toward them while THEY ARE IN THE SLOW LANE following a car and suddenly decide, "Gee, I've had several minutes to an hour to pass this car in front of me and now I see this car coming behind; I better pass now, because it's now or never." And then I have to slow down while they pass, when it would have been faster to WAIT for me to drive on through. I also realize some people may do this to slow me down. Bothersome to no end. So I have to slow down greatly, ending up tailgating a bit til they pass. (Of course, this point is similiar to Meltman's last point of pulling out in front of me.)

Of course, I do realize there are basically two kinds of drivers : Law-abiding and speeders. But most don't go beyond and see even more categories within those. I try to be responsible (generally not speeding in school zones and parking lots, etc.) and not be too reckless. I don't have the car I used to have, but I still speed a bit and push it. :shrug:
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Gold Rush

(My car has nade me a bit nore easy going, but I am working on something faster)

[The Widowed]

Tailgaters are a big problem in St. Louis, and they really make me wish that I could outfit my Cavalier with caltrop droppers, smokescreens and cannons which pop out of the trunk and spew sludge all over the windshield of anyone following less than one car length away as I rocket down the interstate at 70 MPH. As if they're trying to physically push me to go faster. Like 10 miles over the speed limit somehow isn't enough for them.... :grr:

Hmmm...I wonder how hard it would be to draw up the schematics for something like that. The caltrop droppers would be cool, legality be damned. Tailgate me and lose your tires, bitches.... >:]

[Necra]

You could always purchase the Tumbler from Batman Begins....
(I had a cool dream that I was driving the Tumbler last night) :D

[The Widowed]

The Tumbler? Should I ask what that is? :confused:

[Necra]

Here:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y182/yangjc048/tumbler_1.jpg
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y182/yangjc048/prototype.jpg
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y182/yangjc048/prancinghorse.jpg
Yeah I'm pretty sure people would get out of your way on the streets if you owned one of these. :D

[The Widowed]

Yes, but...does it actually tumble? :D

[Necra]

I have only driven one in my dreams and it tumbles quite nicely.. :D

And if the Tumbler doesnt work for you - you could always go with that off-road vehicle from Star Trek Nemesis. It even comes with a hefty gun turret mounted on the back for picking off those pesky tailgaters. :chuckle: :lol:

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y182/yangjc048/Argo-138-a.jpg

[TroubleWolf]

Tailgaters are a big problem in St. Louis...

Widdy and I live in the same state?

This can only end badly.

[Akamaz]

Anyone from Colorado springs? That's the only place i've driven where i've seen people make LEFT turns on red (and yes, it was on a two way street)

[Randomus]

Widdy and I live in the same state?

This can only end badly.

Badly? Or... sexily.

[TroubleWolf]

Badly? Or... sexily.

Dude, c'mon, she's old enough to be my mom.

She's got white hair and an eyepatch.

Of course sexily.

[Randomus]

I guess it's just a curse. Everything that happens to you ends sexily.

[TroubleWolf]

...

In that case, I guess I should be glad I'm not going to the Down South Meetup.

I like Prez, but I don't want that to end sexily.

[thebluecanary]

Tailgaters are a big problem in St. Louis...



Widdy and I live in the same state?

This can only end badly.

You think thats bad? I might have BOTH of you in my State, and The Widowed in my darn city!!

[TroubleWolf]

You think thats bad? I might have BOTH of you in my State, and The Widowed in my darn city!!

At least I'm an hour and a half away. She's right there. She could be in your neighborhood. She could be that old lady on your block with 100 cats.

[Sebastian Kain]

...

In that case, I guess I should be glad I'm not going to the Down South Meetup.

I like Prez, but I don't want that to end sexily.

I wouldn't want it to end that way either...

ducks back out of the thread

[Randomus]

At least I'm an hour and a half away. She's right there. She could be in your neighborhood. She could be that old lady on your block with 100 cats.

Or you could be the old lady with 100 cats.

We may never know.

[inkblaster]

Connecticut is known to have some of the worse drivers around, but Massachusetts is absolutely insane. Total disregard for road rules/personal space, etc.

I did like when I drove my beatup truck much nicer, levelled the playing field. Now with a semi-new car I'm all runnin' scared.

I want a tumbler. Don't even need roads, just drive on the roofs.

[TroubleWolf]

Or you could be the old lady with 100 cats.

We may never know.

Touche', Randomus. Touche'.

You've won this time, but I'll be back! You can just bet your sweet Aunt Petunia I'll be back! Mwahahaha! MWAHAHAHAAHA!

...

Can I borrow a dollar for the soda machine?

[Randomus]

Sure, but it's a Canadian dollar.

[thebluecanary]

At least I'm an hour and a half away. She's right there. She could be in your neighborhood. She could be that old lady on your block with 100 cats.

Crap crap carp.... I don't think I am going to be able to sleep now...

[TroubleWolf]

Sure, but it's a Canadian dollar.

Don't be silly, Canadians don't have currency. They barter with beaver hides and maple syrup.

[Randomus]

By "Canadian Dollar" I meant "Beaver Tooth". The hides are like twenties.

We have tailgating problems here, too. Damn huskies sniffing at my ass.