Help!

[Yin]

Just found out that one of my best friends broke up with her boyfriend for the last and final time. Then I come to find out the reason why. He threw her on the ground and then hit her. She didn't say how many times, but I know that he hit her. Granted, the guy (if we can even call him that) is 6'5 200-300 lbs, and she is 5 foot something and only 130-150 lbs. I told her if I see bruises, I'm going to jail. Hands down. Now there must be an easier way to confront the situation. Women tend to have the answers in these kinds of situations because unfortunately many are victims of these assholes, and some aren't fortunate enough to get out of the situation in time.

So I need help. My other friend (a girl) is also working on digging up some things we can charge the guy for. My friend (the victim) is scared out of her mind. She couldn't even call me after it happened. I just called to say hello and then boom. She hits me with that. So what can we get this bitch with? Battery? Assault? I know a restraining order is in order, but what else before I put myself behind bars and him in the hospital.

[Tarberetta]

I donno Yin. I'm not a good person for advice on this one...I think I'd already be in jail for beating his ass...

[Princess Bree]

Yin, catch me on AIM.

[Alumette]

Yin:

If it's still within 24 hours of the incident, she needs to do the following (assuming she wants to take legal action):

(1) See a doctor
(2) Contact the police and file a report
(3) Talk to a lawyer and file a battery claim.

There is a difference between a civil battery charge and a criminal battery charge. It is up to her to decide which of these she wants to pursue. If she tells the police she wants to press charges, the police will file the criminal charge and he can be tried criminally. If she wants to file a civil charge, she and her attorney will go after this guy to seek monetary damages. She can file both types.

The important thing is that she get a doctor's report and file a police report *within 24 hours* of the incident. Otherwise she will have a much, much harder time.

I'm getting this information from a law student I know, so it's not full-fledged "official" legal advice (he asked me to put in that disclaimer. Lawyers. sheesh.), but hopefully it will help you.

In the meantime, I'm thinking about you and your friend and sending light your way.

Good luck.

[Magna Harrier]

The best method, if you're serious about it, is to get it checked out and varififed by doctors, and the police, ASAP. And to avoid confrontation with the guy until you have that taken care of. You flying off and possibly getting beaten as well won't help anything come to a good conclusion.
It is ESPECIALLY important that your friend avoid her ex, both physically and in communication. The whole multiple break-up thing suggests a pattern, even if there isn't one, and either way, it's best to not confront someone who's already exhibited a willingness to use violence to solve the issue.

[Larke]

i'm a chick... and I don't know how I'd do in a situation, if that happened to me, I would have been at the police station right after it happened... I wouldn't let that crap just happen... But she needs to take some action and definitely get a restraining order... some people just let this stuff go and NO ONE and I mean NO ONE should EVER get away with hitting a woman, specially when they are 3 times the size.

[Diesel76]

Follow Alumette's advice, everything you need to know is there. But most importantly DO NOT take matters into your own hands. As badly as you want to DO NOT go kick the guy's ass. At best it will only make the situation worse and will likely open yourself up to legal action. Let the police handle the ass kicking.

[Seadevil]

You know what my response is gonna be. Beat his ****in' ass.

But, you're probably better off following Alumette's advice.

[Xanatos]

Do what Alumette said.

Make sure she does it also. Even if you've got to drag her down to the hospital. Don't take no for an answer - women who let men get away with this rarely speak up about it.

[Impact]

You know what my response is gonna be. Beat his ****in' ass.

But, you're probably better off following Alumette's advice.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[suburbanhell]

Yin/Thresh -- Follow Alumette's advice, and whatever YOU DO, keep YOUR cool, you want to have your friend's backs, but prison is NEVER worth it.

[Yin]

Thanks for the advice all. :) Going to give her a call in a couple minutes. She's still in classes I do believe.

[Maveric]

I think Ka Dargo (Farscape) hit the nail right on the head when he said -
Revenge is best served immediately

Although I think Bricktop said it best in the Guy Ritchie movie "Snatch"-
Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible ****... ME!

-Mav

[Stan Walker]

Yin,


as much as i hate to say it.if you didnt witness it you cant file charges . As Alum said only in a bit diff order.

1. while the marks are fresh call the police and get pics..get her to press charges and then if possible an order of ex parte or restraining.

2. go to the hospital

3. unless she is filing for any sort of punative damages a lawyer is not needed the prosicuting attorney will go against the dirtbag as a representative of the state.

4. above all ..do not apprach the jerk..if you do and she decides to file charges they can use that against her in court and the ass will get off.

anyway thats Missouri law..yours might be a bit diff but i wouldnt chance it

[Charon]

Stan's a cop, btw, so I'd follow his advise. :)

[Vendel]

Stan's a cop, btw, so I'd follow his advise. :)


Remind me not to break a law in St. Louis.....again.


Btw Yin confronting this guy yourself is about the worst idea.

Not that im saying anything here....im just saying you or anyone else he might know need to stay away from this guy.

[Remianen]

Yin, I'm going to be very serious about this. I've been in that exact same situation more than once. I've learned that in most jurisdictions, catching a case for criminal battery is nothing. You get what amounts to a slap on the wrist (if that) that is usually expunge-bait. Based on what I and several of my friends have experienced trying to do things "the right way", we've come to the conclusion that frontier justice is the best way to handle it. Like Doctor Death said, kick his ass. I don't know anyone who has used that method and actually caught a case from it. There are many, many, MANY ways to provoke someone to the point where they react in a way that creates a plausible self-defense situation. Running off at the mouth isn't legal justification for someone to attack someone else. However, that attack (in most jurisdictions, I can say all of New York City and Alameda County, California for sure) can be neutralized well within the bounds of the law.

Personally, I think a man who beats women doesn't deserve to draw his next breath. But then, I'm a guy who at 8, watched his mother beaten by his stepfather (which was when I DID catch a case, even if it didn't stick). As a result, there are few things that anger me as much as this does.

[Magna Harrier]

And, should you decide that a blank criminal record isn't for you and decide the above mentioned method, have the sense to not talk overly much about it in the forums, thus leaving a nice repository of information, should they decide to check.

[Elemento]

women who let men get away with this rarely speak up about it.

Xanatos:
In any of these abusive incidents, both men and women rarely speak up. In my life, I've seen it happen both ways. The stats are just unfortunately higher for women being beaten than men.

But as already been mentioned, follow Alumette's advice.
One more thing though. If this guy is overly violent, a restraining order won't stop him from coming back. She should also have her attorney draft police protection papers in that case until he's put away for good.
Women have gotten killed despite restraining orders. Having either the police or a PI tail this scumbag til he slips up again would protect her.
She should ask her attorney all her options she can take and this is just one more.

[Akamaz]

I agree that you should use Lummy's advice Yin, no beat down in the world will ever be worth a prison term and criminal record. And "running off at the mouth" in a way to provoke a fight means that he can state you provoked him, and possibly file a counter suit against you. (that and useing self defence as an excuse to beat someones ass is about as low as you can get in my opinion) also i'd drop talking about a beatdown against this guy on the forums, or on your computer, cause now if you go do it, it would be considered premeditated.

remember, it's our ability to reason that seperates us from the beasts... oh yean, and talking, computers and softcore cable pron...

[Seadevil]

Like Doctor Death said, kick his ass. I don't know anyone who has used that method and actually caught a case from it. There are many, many, MANY ways to provoke someone to the point where they react in a way that creates a plausible self-defense situation. Running off at the mouth isn't legal justification for someone to attack someone else. However, that attack (in most jurisdictions, I can say all of New York City and Alameda County, California for sure) can be neutralized well within the bounds of the law.

I agree. If you can get him to swing first, then kick the **** out of him. You may be able to write it off as self-defense, or that you went to him to see what happened between him and the girl, then he started yelling and eventually took a swing. As far as this being 'premeditated'.... Meh. I seriously doubt the guy's gonna across the forums. much less a judge or jury (if it came to that. I doubt the guy's going to want to take anything anywhere near a court after he just beat a woman).

So, yeah, i'm still an advocate of beating his ass.

[Alumette]

If Yin is tried for assault against this guy, *any* communication he's had about this incident can and will be reviewed in the pretrial discovery process.

And believe me, during discovery, nothing is sacred. It's not the offending guy coming across these forums that we should be concerned about. It's the prosecuting attorney in the case against Yin should he go that way.

Furthermore, I find it hard to believe that Yin would be the type to lower himself to the same standard as this guy, and bringing him a beatdown would be doing just that.

While I have my own ideas and fantasies about what I'd *like* to have happen to someone like that (speaking from very personal experience), inflicting violence on them solves nothing.

Yin, just know that we're thinking about your friend and hope that she will be safe and strong, and that justice will be served.

[Overbite]

You need to give that coward a taste of his own ****. A 6 foot whatever dude hittin a girl? Hell no. Walk over there confront that ****er and hit him. That **** just shouldn't fly. You can call the police all you want but that aint gona stop him from doing it again.

I've been in the same situation myself. And I found that letting the jerk off know what it's like to be beaten by someone bigger than you is a good wake up call...

Damn...I'm all mad now... :mad: :mad: